Is it worth the mental hassle of being in the friendzone? Is it your fault for staying there?

[Anonymous]

You clearly want to be more than a friend, and yet you are firmly in the friendzone. Do you think it's worth the mental hassle to stay stuck with someone who is showing no signs they want more, or is it your fault for either not expressing how much you don't want to be friends, or just staying and hoping something will happen or they'll break up and you'll get your chance?

[blueonblack22]

It shows you have no respect for yourself if you voluntarily do this. I can understand you are fighting a part of your brain that is torturing you with a fantasy. But still you are harming yourself just to indulge in a false hope.

Once you conclude there is no chance for what you really want, then you respect yourself and disassociate with that person and never look back.

You can’t get angry at them for not feeling attracted to you. But just like they have a right to deny a sexual relationship you likewise have a right to deny a friendship. You can still remain friendly but never friends. Hanging out with them is will ultimately result in a lot more pain then value and they have to respect that.

I personally haven’t been friendzoned in a very long time. I realize it’s a problem with setting expectations with someone, ego and fantasy.

Nowadays if I sense this from a woman I will quickly tell my ego to take a hike and call her out, leave and never look back. I have had a few women circle back after I took a stand years ago. But even then it’s dicey. Because she’s at odds with a part of her that doesn’t find me attractive.

Ultimately its better to have be lonely and maintain self-respect then to be somebody’s tool. The person who is doing the friendzoning has emotional leverage over the person who is interested in them. All too easy (and tempting) for them to abuse that power dynamic.

I also got a serious issue with woman who intentionally string men along for their own conceited purposes (including affirmation). At best they have no idea how much damage they are doing to the man in that scenario. But that’s another discussion entirely.

[OneViewpoint]

If by friend zone you mean hanging around someone you have romantic interest in who does not return the feelings, NO! You're an idiot for doing that. Have some self respect and move on. The probability of that woman waking up to an epiphany one day and running into your arms is somewhere between slim and none.

She may not be playing you or keeping you around as a backup. More likely, she just doesn't want to tell you the truth and hurt you. Women absolutely run away from that sort of conflict. They are indirect communicators.

So let her and yourself off the hook. Move on and stop missing out on potential opportunities with other women who WON'T put you in the friend zone.

On the other hand, if you both only want to be friends and you're both happy with that, then what's the problem? Just be platonic friends.

[FreyaRed]

Personally I prefer brutally to end such friendships when I notice they want more than just be friends and it's clear friendship alone doesn't satisfy them. Sometimes is short massive pain impulse better than long dull pain to end something that has anyway no future. Making decision is a strength because you have to live with consequences and lot of people avoid instinctively any responsibility.

[OneViewpoint]

@freyared,

Good for you. It's a kindness to make that decision and communicate it clearly. As a guy I'd much rather have that response than a lie that drags on forever.

[DishLady]

If you are both GENUINELY able to be friends, that's great. if not, then don't pretend to be.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the friendzone, a tantalizingly tricky topic! As a relationship guru here on Girls Ask Guys, my aim is to help you navigate these emotional waters. Staying there can be quite the rollercoaster ride. It’s up to you to decide if the mental hassle is worth it. If you haven't expressed your feelings, it's time to put on your brave heart suit and speak up. You don’t want to be ghosted with your emotions forever. If they don’t feel the same, it's not your fault for feeling love-bombed but learning when to wave the goodbye flag is important. You deserve someone who sees you as more than just a comforting cup of friendly tea! 🫖❤️

[MrOracle]

No. I've been trying to tell people (mostly men) this for decades. When someone puts you in the Friend Zone, they're doing so because they want to use you for attention, favors, free labor, and maybe comfort, but they don't respect you and never will as long as you remain in the Friend Zone.

Walking away usually won't get you anywhere with them either, but occasionally they will realize that you have some self respect, and so they actually gain respect for you. A small percentage of the time, they will reevaluate you and give you a shot.

Either way, walking away from the Friend Zone means you aren't being used and disrespected, and will raise your value in the eyes of anyone who sees (or hears) this happen.

Simps never get anywhere but used and broke. You cannot buy a woman's love, only a bit of her attention, maybe. Simping teaches women all the wrong lessons and makes it worse for everyone, including the simp.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

You can’t reprogram modern women, they’ve been educated and experienced too much positive reinforcement from handsome stupid simps, received financial compensation from simps, tons of validation online, emotional support irl, and its engrained in their psyche and our culture, and even codified in law in many liberal states and countries as well. Only a serious global catastrophe of epic proportions can change this weird dynamic.

[MrOracle]

@Oncewildtwiceburned We're heading that way. It's called population collapse. Don't laugh - that's not a conspiracy theory - it's happening as we speak.

All of our modern conveniences rely on MEN, men willing to do dirty, dangerous jobs (and be looked down upon for not having clean, high-status office jobs), but they are already having trouble filling those positions with qualified candidates. Boys/young men of current generations won't do these jobs - the job is too tough and the boys aren't tough enough - and there's not nearly enough men in any case.

When you can't get reliable electricity, clean water, have your garbage and sewage taken away, and can't get food from the local grocery store, EVERYTHING ELSE will collapse very, very quickly. Tons of luxury businesses will fail because no one will be thinking about luxuries when they can't get food and water and electricity.

This may sound like some apocalyptic Sci-Fi movie, but it's exactly the reality we are hurtling towards. Western nations - the ones who supply the entire world with advanced technologies - are not having nearly enough children, and a large and growing percentage of the children we ARE having are growing up in broken homes and in broken schools, and they aren't equipped to take over those highly technical jobs. Many aren't even equipped to be truck drivers or electricians.

[MrOracle]

Few are taking this problem seriously right now, but 10 years from now, people aren't going to be able to ignore what a huge problem this is, and there won't be any quick solutions. But you WILL see a huge collapse of office jobs, and the jobs that are available are going to be the physical, dirty, dangerous infrastructure jobs. This is going to lead to a huge reduction of working women - there simply won't be many air-conditioned office jobs, and most women aren't going to want to work construction or infrastructure jobs.

You're right in that it's going to take a catastrophe for things to change, but that's already underway.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

Your summary and predictions of the current war of propaganda on the sexes is absolutely correct. Short of post-scarcity and lab grown humans in some despotic dystopian future, which is unlikely, the population collapse, its symptoms and its catalysts that you acknowledged are accurate. I simply don’t know how to explain it as cogently as you, I only have my anecdotal support and a few statistics that are becoming more censored and difficult to sight.

I grew up on a cattle Ranch in a four season climate. Even my nephews who have often visited, don’t understand that it requires young men who are in shape to operate, especially in a four season climate. With labor becoming worth less due to immigration and people sending money back home where the dollar they make here goes further there, they don’t see the value in doing such jobs. They also have the misconception that old men can do it, and that women can even do it. I see larger corporations, buying large swaths of farm and Ranch land, I see a comparison here we could contrast with government production of farming in China and Russia due to communism. When you don’t have a stake in the business, corporate heads in the office who don’t know how it works at the ground level begin to call the shots and mismanagement will happen. Also, they don’t care as much about the business as someone who has a large stake and ownership in it.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

You hit the nail right on its little head here:

“All of our modern conveniences rely on MEN, men willing to do dirty, dangerous jobs (and be looked down upon for not having clean, high-status office jobs), but they are already having trouble filling those positions with qualified candidates. Boys/young men of current generations won't do these jobs - the job is too tough and the boys aren't tough enough - and there's not nearly enough men in any case.“

Also men who fight on the front lines, come back and often lose custody of their kids. What incentives are they giving men? And in my situation there is no college that will teach you how to run a ranch located in the middle of nowhere in a four season climate, you usually have to grow up doing it. Often dads will take their kids to work or teach them the basics of their family business as they’re growing up giving them a Head start.

[Oncewildtwiceburned]

We’re lacking people young men in remote areas because women chose to have less kids and men aren’t choosing to do the same due to unfair things like Family Court or losing their business in a marriage/divorce.

And as you mentioned, less men want to do such jobs as it’s not an attractive job among women, they don’t even grow up with a father usually at all or in a functional two-parent family

[blueonblack22]

@MrOracle 100% true. I think men have wised up to this a lot more in recent years. They either KNOWINGLY allow themselves to get exploited (simps). Or they wise up and respect themselves and walk. But there is less in between crap.

But compared to 10-20 years ago fewer women are getting away with playing dumb on poor naive suckers. It still happens. But men are wising up to that bullsh*t.

Also ironically more and more women are now finding themselves in this predicament. It’s because #metoo has scared a lot of men away from approaching women. Some women are being more bold. But they don’t always get what they want. That’s actually a GOOD THING. Shows what stupid bullshit the feminist “the friendzone doesn’t exist”. It sure as hell does.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I don't think it's worth it unless you're really fucking bored or something. You could play video games, be masturbating, or do anything else that wasting your time by self-induced torture.

Get your genitals out and tell them to fuck it and get it over with. If they refuse, it's over with. If they go for it... you finally got it to happen. Either way you're better off than trying to pussy foot your way around it with more hope than Obama said he provided.

[adventurous-1]

Friendzone equates to a standby asset, to be used when convenient, it does not impart respect, privilege, or favoritism. No it's not worth the mental stress or false hope that someday it'll escalate into something more substantial. If you continue to remain there then it's completely your fault and all the stress that you experience is on you for being there. Best to move on to more productive relationships, ones you benefit from and actually enjoy, where you're more than a wallet or a convenance for her pleasure and are actually appreciated for who you are and just not what you can do.

[BriansBuddy]

No, you've gotta leave.

If he / she isn't into after you've made your interest very clear, then waiting around like a dog won't change their mind. It's basic psychology -People don't want what they can easily have, they want what they can't quite get.

I was friendzoned by a girl at my school years back, and soon after I unfollowed her on Instagram. I sent her a text explaining that it was upsetting viewing pics of the life of a girl I couldn't be with, and she understood and respected me.

It didn't make her fall for me though, hahah... So it's best to just move on

[EzraIsShy76028]

"Friendzone" has a pretty negative connotation, as in the sense that you resent the other person for not getting into a relationship with you and are hoping they'll change their minds at some point; but in general I'd say there's nothing wrong with being friends with someone you're attracted to but doesn't like you in that way back. As long as you can respect their boundaries and read the room. Otherwise just break it off. Anything else after that is your own fault.

[Levin]

You don't want to be in a traumatic relationship dynamic.

ie ones where you have feelings of lack, not being valued and respected.

Been there, dumped them off at immense emotional cost.

Far stronger at the end of it.

Even though in actuality my intent was friendship, it's difficult not to get emotionally attached to people if you chat to them for hours a day and you get on so well. So lines can get a little blurred.

[hahahmm]

Depends... smart dudes don't give any more/less to a female as they would a dude who is just a friend. Well maybe give her less since she can't reciprocate moving 300 pound fridges and gym equipment. "Special" guys give her lots of stuff and then cry about not getting any intimacy or loyalty.

[KostasKouvalis]

It's complicated. You can want more, but still want to be a loyal friend. But honestly, it can really impact your mental health if you want the person so badly and are trying so hard, but they aren't reciprocating. It's even worse when they give you false hope. The other person should definitely set boundaries and not lead you on. But at the same time, there are also people who will stop being friends if they get a partner.

[denzooo9]

well saiddd🫶

[IslaTheWitch]

it depends on you... if you want to be friends, the friend zone is for you... if not... leave it and move on :D

[Flower7]

Very straightforward answer. I like it.

[Stan_Control_]

In my experience, staying in the friendzone and sticking around can get toxic over time.

It might be healthier to keep your distance from that friend while still staying in contact with them rather actively being close to them.

After all, staying close in hopes of getting in either their pants or their heart isn't what a true friend should be. re-state//background_color_rgba (0, 0, 0, 0), font_color_rgb (77, 77, 77), justifyLeft

[Jakefromstatefarm6]

If your wanting more and they don't, it's one of those things to just cut ties, your only hurting yourself in the long run. Definitely early on in hanging out talk about what you want in your relationship. They can't read your mind. If you just stay silent, the deeper in the friend zone you will be. And eventually be like a sibling to them.

[fish5505_87]

It's never bad to have friends, so the question is, is it a real friend you fell for or something new or someone not important in your life. If the person is important in your life and they respect you, try to move on a respect the friendship.

[molonski2]

I agree with the centimate that it's simply not worth it , one side obviously wants more , best way IMHO is to challenge it.." kick it in , or kick it out " far too much mental brief.
As what is really the point of such a friendship?

[Purpleronnie]

I can’t be friends with someone I want more from , I thinn you’d have to be some sort of emotional masochist to stick around when it’s plain the other doesn’t see you that way.


Not mental hassle …. Torture !

[Anonymous]

Usually when a woman friend zoned me I ghosted on her, after telling her I wasn't interested in friends. Later on, you would not believe how many times they came crawling back claiming they made a mistake and my one and only response was "you should have thought of that before you rejected me, I don't do second chances".

[blackeagle007]

I like your style

[Wonder_Man]

Is it worth the mental strain of staying in the friendzone? Love should be freeing, not confining. If you find yourself caged by unreciprocated feelings, it may be time to step back and re-evaluate. The right person for you may be outside of the box you’ve built around love. Don’t let preconceived notions or one-sided emotions keep you from finding a connection that truly uplifts you.

[NicholasRedone]

That woman sure looks satisfied with her relationship status lol ♀️ 👠 👀 👀 👀 wht a looker 🤍 🤍 🤍 pale skin perfection, takes care of her skin mmm and body

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s your fault for staying there, yes 100%. If you want to be more than friends, and they don’t, leave.

[sawno]

Individual case really, if I value the friendship its worth it. If I don't i'd already be gone, I don't do it to get laid.

[NordicInScandinavia]

It's your fault for not expressing your feelings or for faking a friendship in the hopes for more.

[Miristheiss]

I would say no, it isn't worth it. Yes, it is your own fault for letting yourself stay in the friend zone.

[Staximus]

The hell with the friend zone. Make your intentions known right away, and if they are not on the same page then it's time for you to take a hike.

[HelpfulWoman]

eh, the friendzone is created by people who had false intentions to begin with

[exitseven]

I was always afraid to express my feelings to a girl. I always thought she would just laugh at me.

[Shiprex]

Nope, self respect are ignored, being used is your new "thing" and no one will respect you either.
Time to get your own future

[Nikki1989]

The so-called friend zone lives in your head and nowhere else.

[David318578]

Better question is why would you want to be friends with a guy who wants you? That is a terrible situation for both of you

[Uglygaypoorcoward94]

Friendzone is for guys with a good personality but lack the sexual attractiveness to be a boyfriend

[Anonymous]

You shouldn’t focus on how much you want to date them. Just enjoy being their friend for its own sake.

[DrPepper12]

Depends. What do you treasure more? What are you willing to risk?

[LiamJHayden]

First part, no idea. Second part, it is 100% voluntary.

[Anonymous]

No to the first part of your question. Yes to the second part.

Know your worth! Do not tolerate that from ANYONE, and walk away.

[seeyounexttuesday]

of course it's your fault for staying there.

[Anonguyfella]

Not worth it you’re not attractive to them.
Unfortunately you probably never will be…

[msc545]

Absolutely not worth it. You are always hoping that things will get better and they never do.

[Kingofkings1992]

The “friend zone” isn’t real. It gives friendship a negative connotation. Friendship is a good thing

[Ladsin2]

Not worth it and 100% the man's fault.

[PaleDale]

It only hurts, in the long run, I think.

[Nikodemus]

Who is to say yesterday don't want to be there?

[Manuelwe]

Friends can lead to lovers then marriage

[lightbulb27]

nope!