My boyfriend doesn’t want to buy a house with me. Should I move on?

[Anonymous]

I want to buy a house with my partner and work from home in the future, those are my long term goals. He currently owns a one bedroom apartment and wants me to put all of my money into starting up my own business by paying overhead costs for a commercial space instead of saving for own place. He talks about getting a house later on but doesn’t want me to buy it with him. Basically I’d be left gambling with potentially being left with nothing in terms of a secure place to live. Is this a red flag? I feel like it is but he’s saying I’m greedy!

[Cormac995]

Frankly I see his point of view to an extent honestly. Girl have you seen how much a house costs right now? You two are just dating I'd never ever buy a house with a woman period end of story unless we'd agreed we were life partners from now on and our dating days were done. If that woman's not my wife I ain't buying a damn house with her that's a life ruining expense and debt issue if something goes wrong. He's smart to say no house yet frankly what you want from where I'm standing sounds like ridiculous expectations.

Even if you're upper middle class a house can take decades to pay off. Further he's right that you should prioritize financial gains currently over buying a house. The economy is crashing and getting worse right now this is a shitty time to buy a home. You're thinking with your want's not your needs. He's right buying a house like this is stupid I sure as shit wouldn't do it. Frankly I think you're being ridiculous.

[Asker]

He’s been talking about marriage. If that isn’t planning to be life partners then I don’t know what is.

[Asker]

A house is a need for everyone regardless of economic circumstances so let’s just get that straight. I can scrat for a house alone if need be.

[Asker]

Of he doesn’t believe wel last then I also should’ve be investing myself so much at the end of the day.

[Cormac995]

Incorrect. Homes are no longer needs they are luxuries the economy has seen to that. Most people will never ever be homeowners and will rent all their lives thanks to groups like Blackrock. Besides "Shelter" is a need. A home is not, you can get shelter from an apartment and frankly right now financially that's the smart move for most people from a finance perspective.

If you guys get married the house thing makes more sense, then but specifically like I said even more so if you plan to have kids but just because you want a house doesn't mean you can and should get one.

[Asker]

Wrong. I get you’re bitter given the current world and your age. But look to psychology and maslows heirarchy of needs at a simple level.

[Asker]

I could go on. But all the information is there if you really want to know.

[Cormac995]

I'm aware of Maslowes hierarchy and you're interpreting it the way you want it to be not the way it is. The need is defined as "Shelter" shelter is anything from a mansion to a house to a tent or even a cave. Houses are wants, "shelter" is a need. An apartment is a shelter a house is a nice one. When you're in a survival situation such as this economy you settle for the shelter, you can get not the shelter you want. Cave men took what they could get when it rained. If they were lucky, they had a tent if they weren't they either died or made do with a lean-to or hiding in a cave or under a tree.

[Cormac995]

Maslow's hierarchy of needs is a theory that categorizes human needs into five levels, from basic to advanced. The levels are:
Physiological: Needs for food, water, shelter, sleep, and warmth
Safety: Needs for security, stability, and freedom from fear
Love and belonging: Needs for friendship, intimacy, and acceptance
Esteem: Needs for respect, recognition, and status
Self-actualization: Needs for achieving one's full potential and creativity

Notice the word shelter.

[Asker]

You’re playing semantics with words now. Go and talk to a psychotherapist for this debate. I’m not wrong.

[Asker]

A mortgage is generally more affordable than private rent.

[Asker]

Not sure why you think yourself and so others aren’t entitled to that. It is a basic right after all, we all need to survive.

[Cormac995]

Yes we all need to survive I'm not playing semantics I'm being financially realistic there's a difference. You're equating a house to shelter they aren't the same thing. It doesn't matter how bad you want a house or how bad you think you need it. You don't. Plenty of people live their whole life and even raise family's out of an apartment. In fact it's getting more common.

What you're doing is you're trying to say a house is the bare minimum for survival needs which is what Maslow's hierarchy is about and it's not. Shelter of any kind is houses are fancy shelter there's a big difference. You're trying to say home ownership is the same thing as a survival need it's not. Your priorities are unrealistic and all messed up.

[Finchie40]

You don’t want the same things , so yes you are best to move on

[AI Opinion]

Hey there, love! Ah, the classic red flag popping up when least expected! 🚩 Your goals are totally valid and having a safe and secure place to live is crucial. Your boyfriend's reluctance might be a signal that he's not on the same long-term page as you. You're not being greedy; you're simply looking out for your future. If he's not buddying up in the life-real-estate game, it might be time to reassess. Trust your instincts and never settle for less than what makes your heart happy! 💕

[ArrowheadSW]

What stands out to ME, is how realistic it would be for you to start up your own business. It seems like he is making it sound too simple. That sounds like a red flag to me. What do YOU think of starting a business?

[Anonymous]

eh, you're not married. so yeah, move on.

[In_Trance]

you should move on if you want to buy a house

[Pterodon]

You want different things

[Cyrus000]

Yes. Consider it.