Why Do People Only Value You When You Leave?

Question

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You are describing a person who is selfish and self centered. I assure you, they were this way before you met them, and will be that way long after you are gone. You CANNOT CHANGE OTHER PEOPLE, so the only thing you can do is thoroughly vet people and pass on the ones with poor morals, values, and incompatible life goals.

Either you did a poor job vetting this guy before you committed to him, or you knew he was selfish and self centered but you chose to ignore that because he was attractive on the surface. You have to figure out which, but more importantly, you need to vet better in the future. You cannot change other people, so absolutely abandon any ideas about changing someone, or them changing for you. It won't happen. It's like buying bruised bananas because they are so cheap but then wanting them to make the bruises go away - it won't happen.

Get used to the idea that you won't ever find everything you want in one guy, because you want opposing things that are never present in the same package. You have to prioritize character - sacrificing other things like looks, money, and status - to get character. I know that's not the answer you want, but it's the truth. And the only time you can make a wise decision and not get hurt is to make a wise decision at the very beginning, after a thorough vetting process. There are no short-cuts.

OneViewpoint · Accepted Answer

Complacency. People get comfortable and are inherently lazy.  FOMO. They fear being alone.  Greed. They want what they can't have more than they want what they already have.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

Some people just don't know the value of what they had till they don't have it.

This was the case with my ex hubby, ex boyfriend, and more recently a cluster of so-called friends who were just using me for introductions and entrance to better social circles. One's been hanging on by a thread -- like a stubborn tooth that won't come out. Time to tie some floss to the dangling tooth and slam the door...

PrincessC16 · Accepted Answer

Because people naturally take advantage of or rely on each other. Esp in romantic relationships. People miss the things you used to "DO" for them.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, the classic case of realizing what you have when it’s gone! People can get a little too comfy and may take things for granted when they think you’re always around. It's like having a pizza delivered every Friday night – you're missed the moment you don’t show up 😉. When you leave, it disrupts the status quo, making folks finally see what they’re missing. It's a wake-up call that snaps them out of their love cocoon or routine daze. Remember to value yourself first, darling!

ohsheeT · Answer

Only because they don't want any one else to have you. They are still being selfish and still only thinking of themselves

Finchie40 · Answer

Because some people don’t realize how good they have it , until it’s gone

Blunky · Answer

Probably because you've helped them do something that they couldn't, or didn't want to, figure out themselves. They're then constantly reminded of you when they have to do said things for themselves.

It's not that they value you now, as that requires them to think about something besides their own needs. It's that it devalues them to themselves for having to do whatever you did for them. It usually doesn't come from a good place and it's best to stay away from such people. They'll look for replacements to do the same thing for them because it's all about their own needs.

TheorionMage · Answer

"Don't it always seems to go... yah don't know what you got... TILL ITS GONE"   Relationships eventually grow 'comfortable'; MUCH of the social 'courtesies' become implicit and taken-for-granted.  TIL they're NOT observed... or given as 'usual'  and there's a gaping hole in absent expectations... as a result of a change of someone's  formerly privileged  status! As in introducing someone as your 'ex' whom/whatever~

14gurlz2gagonit · Answer

Reminds me of that saying, "They only miss the water when the well runs dry."

I'm going to say it's because they took whatever your presence provided for granted and then they don't give a shit until that resource is gone.

Jay-_- · Answer

They we're too comfortable, they had no plans on not seeing you the next day, so when you are gone they realize all the bad they did and all the good they had and could've done.

Alli_idk · Answer

Well I believe it is because at first they know you're there and they believe they'll always have you even if their with someone else they know you're there. But then when you leave of course they value you because they realized they hadn't valued you before. They'll feel guilt, overwhelmed, and they'll be pretty upset.

beldath · Answer

Especially at your age, people don't realize what they have until it's gone.
When we're young it's easy just to assume the good times are just how it will always be, but then reality actually kicks in after you're gone, and people finally see what they actually had.

Likestorizz · Answer

I think they were expecting for you to deal with their selfish or uncomfortable relationship. And when you left their ego went down the drain

WhitneySnow · Answer

They don’t realize how great you were until you’re gone

Communicationisking · Answer

Sometimes you don't know what you have got till it is gone

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Humans are inherently ungrateful and don't see the value of something til it's gone and then they realize how much they screwed up when they compare to something else which often is worse.

KittygosMeoWW · Answer

I don't know I’ll never understand it, I left an abusive relationship last year with a restraining order and he has been a “gentleman” not crazy since then.

Phoenix98 · Answer

People don't always realize what they have before it's gone.

Anonymous · Answer

This world is full of hypocrites, racist, selfish and opportunistic people. They aren't happy with you when you are available or alive. They say few words when you are gone. 😔

Nikki1989 · Answer

Humans are generally more motivated by the fear of loss than the prospect of gain.

Circushowcowboy · Answer

I suppose that’s when it really hits what they are now missing

alice55 · Answer

because they sadly think they have time and you'll always be next to them

John_Spark · Answer

Because love doesn't have value and they doesn't care about it and don't understand also till you leave them.

SolitarySolace · Answer

Because they don’t want to lose whatever it was you were giving them. Doesn’t mean they deserve whatever that is

Ad_Quid_Orator · Answer

It's like that old saying: you don't know what you've got until it's gone.

MatureMan40 · Answer

Probably they don't think you could leave him and when you do, they understand your value.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Cause that's when they see the results of your absence

glennos89 · Answer

Sounds like a typical guy problem 🙈

Abby03 · Answer

Cause they didn't know what they got til it gone.

moneymagnet24 · Answer

I value you because you're very mature  And yes you're alive lol.

Cristi019 · Answer

Cause only then they realized what they lost.

Lilly1979 · Answer

They don't know what they had.

Brittanyroseee · Answer

When you actually leave for good, maybe.

wkhan_87 · Answer

Because they didn't know your importance before.

PrettyCrumblBb · Answer

You're hanging with the wrong people.

Abdul17w · Answer

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

jahaims · Answer

No lol

Anonymous · Answer

😆😆😆

Aiko_E_Lara · Answer

Reverse psychology

littleangryguy · Answer

Yeah usually.

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