Is it too much to want my husband to do something special for me, or does he just not care anymore?

[Anonymous]

My husband (36M) and I (35F) have been together for over a decade, married for four, with a toddler in tow. I’ve always gone out of my way to celebrate his special days—thoughtful gifts, little surprises, the whole deal. But when it comes to mine? Crickets. No birthday plans, no anniversary surprises, not even a card on Mother’s Day. I’ve brought it up, but it always turns into him saying he’s too busy or that I should’ve been “more specific.” Meanwhile, he never forgets to schedule time for his hobbies.

[Stevepro68]

Given the scenario that you have presented is a pretty good sign of a bit of narcissistic personality. If it's not about him it doesn't matter. You can force the issue by saying ok I can be specific. For some examples. For every day you go golfing with guys I want a night out dinner and a movie. Don't do anything for his birthday and if he asks say well I thought birthdays just weren't important to you. Same if you are one who buys gifts for his mother for mother's day. Don't get anything for her. Make sure you celebrate your own birthday. Or if this is just the surface of a more concerning all about me pattern that he has even with the kids. Maybe time to reevaluate your relationship as a whole. Unless you want to be his servant for the rest of your life

[AMS700CX4u2]

It is a sad thing to discover late in a relationship that you have married a Narcissist, sadly if you should cheat on him, he has earned it. But it is easy for a man to become so involve with work that he loses touch with his wife. Sometimes it is not discovered until he retires and the couple finds that they really don't know each other at all. Very sad. A whole life down the tubes.

[angels]

You're definitely not asking for too much. Feeling seen and appreciated matters, especially when you’re putting in so much effort. It’s not about grand gestures it’s about care. If he can prioritize his hobbies, he can prioritize you too. You deserve effort without always having to spell it out.

[Asker]

I totally agree, you expressed it very well. Everyone has the right to feel valued and prioritized.

[EmmaMary]

Next time don't do anything at all on his "special days"... Then stand back and see his reaction!

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic case of giving and... not exactly receiving in kind! 🎭 This sounds like a bit of love language mismatch, don’t you think? Sometimes, guys need a clear nudge rather than subtle hints. It sounds like you're feeling a bit neglected while he's busy hitting pause on the romance button. Communicating directly is key, but it's all about balancing expectations. Maybe plan an event where both of you can share your needs, blending the thoughtful gestures you miss with his busy schedule. Time to reignite those sparks and break the crickets' symphony! 🎉 How about creating a tradition of your own where he must plan one surprise a year? 😉

[RingOfFire]

It's hard to say what's going on. But I myself have never really been a gift giver. I'm more of a do something to make their lives better every day rather than just give them a gift on special occasions kind of person.

I think the reason I'm that way is because I don't really like getting gifts. It's kind of the reverse situation. I want people to show that they care about me every day not just on special occasions. It doesn't really impress or thrill me when I feel they're just giving me a gift because it's a holiday. And I'm not really a material person so I don't really care about that part of it either.

I realize that everyone doesn't feel the same way about this as I do. And I realized to some people the gifts are important, it seems to especially be to women. So I give the gifts to those I care about because I want them to be happy. But it doesn't have nearly as much meaning to me as being there for them every day.

The fact that I'm not really motivated by gift-giving doesn't mean I don't care about them. So it's a long shot, but maybe the fact that he isn't into gift-giving doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you.

[Screenwriter]

Clearly, he doesn't think cards or remembrances for you are important, even though you say they are.

But the bigger question is, did he give you cards and gifts earlier in the relationship? If he DID and he doesn't anymore, sounds like he's being lazy and careless about you.

If he NEVER gave you these items, I don't know why you'd expect them now.

Sounds like it might be time for couples counseling if he used to do so and has decided his hobbies are more important than a Mother's Day, birthday card or flowers. Good luck.

[cigarette]

You're not asking for too much. A little effort goes a long way, especially when you've been carrying the emotional load. As a husband, I think it's important we show appreciation, not just assume love is understood. Being "busy" shouldn't be an excuse to neglect the person who's always there.

[Asker]

thanks

[PeachyPie93]

Why complain after so long? You knew how he was before you married him. He obviously never cared that much and has always been a low effort guy since it even took him 6 years to marry you. If a man really cares and isn't taking you for granted, they would put more effort especially after you talked to him about it.

[SixFootSexy]

Women are tough to pay attention to after about 2-3< years together. If you want something from him, what are you doing to meet his needs?

I'm not saying "thoughtful gifts, little surprises, the whole deal." Chances are, -while thoughtful- that might not even be what does it for him.

I'm asking, what are you doing that he wants?

[slatyb]

You aren't a priority, and he's demonstrated that he's not interested in changing. Maybe you should make him less of a priority -- stop with the gifts, surprises, etc. For his birthday give him a store card. For your anniversary, make plans to go out without him.

[LiamS95]

I love treating acwoman as the very doevusk person she is by unexpectedly getting her flowers, little gifts of appreciation and gibing her nice massages with a fragrant cream that softens her skin and makes her feel good abd of course I love to pleasure her sexually as we both benefit from that but taking special care to ensure she is stimulated fully and can enjoy multiple orgasms from my practiced touch knowing exactly how and what she loves. You my dear deserve the same.

[TurningTime]

It's not too much. Your intentions are good, and I see what you mean. I mean, coming up with spontaneous and not so spontaneous, more planned ideas for special occasions can be something you both take initiative for sometimes. But yes, he seems to be slacking and not creating any special occasions. It's important to not only celebrate special occasions with special dates etc but also to CREATE the special occasions.

[Cormac995]

Your husband is being a dick especially since you've brought it up and made it clear it upsets you. It's selfish and not appropriate behavior for your partner.

[hellno]

I don't think there's any point in squeezing so hard, he would do it anyway if he felt like it

[Asker]

thanks

[serious]

If no such small surprises are planned in a relationship then it will be a bit too bland. It is not too much for you to expect from your husband to do something special for you.

[NoDecision]

That's what happens when you live together for 6 years before you get married. By then everything is old hat, and is no longer special.

[blackeagle007]

I have to agree there

[Danny_dan92]

He doesn’t care about you. You tried to express your disappointment, he brushes it off like it’s insignificant.




You tell me what that tells you?

[Anonymous]

Relationships are give and get. Do more impressionable "special" things for him and he's more likely to want to do them for you. Human nature.

[Babebytheshore85]

1. He doesn't like you. 2 you're annoying 3. Stop copying and pasting reddit post. 4. It's Friday get a life

[Staximus]

Don't do or say a damned for him on his birthday, father's day, etc. anymore. Ask him if he ever thinks about doing anything nice for you without being asked to.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

Give him a taste of his own medicine and let him feel what it's like

[Nikki1989]

It seems it is time for you to move on.

[DrPepper12]

Ask his mom or sister if he was raised that way. You'll know what you're up against then.

That said, keep communicating. Never stop.

[Anonymous]

Use your boobs and butt to get what you want

[Godihateyou]

Yeah. It's over. You should fuck his brother over it.

[Fury_storm]

sounds like he doesn't value that stuff to begin with so maybe stop wasting your effort

[Eempriyanka]

Find people who will treat you the way you want

[WhitneySnow]

It’s not too much

[missindiana93]

Sounds like he dosen't care anymore.

[Wise4myage]

I definitely don't think so.

[Wise4myage]

He seems selfish to me.

[blackeagle007]

He’s the bread winner after all isn’t he?

[Heusus]

I really have nu idea

[Jmmmfi4]

He sounds like an asshole