Am I asking my husband for to much?

[Anonymous]

My husband works out of town Monday-Friday and usually gets home at like 3AM Saturday morning. During the week while he’s at work I tend to our 12 week old son, our 3 dogs, and keep up with all house work. On the weekends when my husbands home he is in charge of cutting the grass and he typically cooks dinner one of the nights and I cook the other. This past Friday our lab got bit by a snake (again) and was super swollen so we done what our vet told us to do the last time which was give Benadryl, push fluids and keep her inside until the swelling went down and the bleeding stopped. My husband ended up coming home instead of working Friday night to help me tend to her and our son. Once he got home he gave her one dose of medicine and that was all he contributed to helping take care of our lab. Meanwhile I was still caring for our son, pushing fluids for our lab, trying to get her to eat, cleaning up her blood off the extra bedroom floor, and changing the puppy pads that were in her room. I will give my husband credit he did cook Saturday and Sunday night, but I did all of the dishes, his laundry from his work week, and cleaned his car out. Sunday around 5 pm I asked my husband to watch the baby so I could go relax and have a few minutes of me not having to take care of anyone or anything. Within 10 minutes of my bath he brought our crying son into the bathroom with me saying that he wanted his mom and that the baby was stressing him out to much to handle it or last weekend whenI asked him to watch our son for a little while so I could nap (I usually get like 2-3 hours a night) as soon as my son woke up from his nap my husband brought him to me because he was crying instead of trying to feed and calm him down without me. My husband does have a manual labor job so I know he’s tired to, but I can’t help but to feel overworked and unappreciated anytime he’s home. So I’m just curious if you guys think I’m asking for to much

[lightbulb27]

Great question in the realities of life. I see the strains with family having baby, it's a lot of work, and the family helps out a lot. You are an exceptional woman in writing this, as much energy you are putting forth, you write clear and calm, not judgmental. You are trying to figure out what is fair... because you are tired and need help.

I think your husband doesn't know how to handle the child well and he's tired, so that's worse. A child screaming for mom is exhausting... so he both require training. Child has separation anxieties... he's with you all week, so that's comfort, not husband.

Can family help or trusted friends? Sounds like you are way out in the boonies (snake bites), so maybe not.

As such, some stuff can be offloaded to husband... laundry. There's paying someone to do that work as well, if can afford it, it's worth it sometimes, to save your energy.

I hope you find a way to get rest and remain strong.

@midnightmoon05

[Asker]

We do have my grandmother who lives on the same property as us just in a different house. She does help some with baby but can’t help very often due to her age. Most of the time her help comes into play when I’m driving her to doctors appointments or running her to do her errands a few times a week. But as far as the rest of our family they all love about an hour or more away. They do offer to keep him over night some but neither me or my husband are comfortable sending him overnight anywhere yet since he’s only 12 weeks old.

[lightbulb27]

I wish you well progressing. Both are probably tired, do best to communicate and give and take, and train. The dogs... you took on too much there. Cut out things that aren't essential.

[Asker]

We had the dogs since we first got together 3 years ago. They were our baby before our actual baby (of course our son comes first 1000% of the time) but we refuse to get rid of our pups unless they become a problem for our son

[midnightmoon05]

Are you willing to sacrifice your husband or your dogs?
Something has to give.

From others … a marriage counseling is recommended… with or without the dogs or kid.

[lightbulb27]

Only solution I know for you is finding ways to communicate needs, meditation... like when you can do that with the baby.

[Anonymous]

You're not asking too much, but unfortunately you picked the wrong guy. I'm not saying he doesn't work hard, but he has a responsibility to take care of his baby too. The rest of it, he shouldn't have to do, except maybe for tending to the sick dog, but he needs to equally raise his child, not just pass it off on you.

[Asker]

That’s what I’m saying. I don’t ask him to cook or clean he just loves to cook. I willingly do his laundry, pick up his clothes off the floor and all other items he leaves layinto around the house and I typically don’t mind doing it. It’s just when I get no time to sleep or just be by myself it really takes a toll.

[AI Opinion]

I'm here to bring a fresh perspective, but let's start with a big virtual hug! 🤗 You're juggling so much, and it's understandable to feel like you're being stretched thin. It’s not too much to ask for some backup, especially if you're running on low sleep and high stress. Maybe your hubby doesn’t fully grasp the extent of what you're handling, you know? Trying to communicate how you’re feeling could help him recognize what you need. Keeping the love and teamwork alive, without resentment creeping in, is key. You’ve got this! ❤️

[MzAsh]

He’s away all week except for weekends? That’s way too much. He’s not going to have much of a relationship with his kid that way. You’re already seeing this. Personally I don’t think this is a sustainable arrangement long term.

[dreamserenade]

If you’re a stay at home Mom, this IS your job. Give him great sex, BJ’s and cook better than he does. Don’t forget to get dressed up everyday you see him. Traveling spouses take a toll on a marriage, you need to be something he looks forward to coming home to. Appreciate all that he is doing to take care of you and he will return the favor.

[Asker]

I don’t dress up for him at all really but I didn’t do that before we got married either. I am technically a stay at home parent but I also work from home for about 4/5 hours a day. As far as sex and bjs go he gets bjs all the time and home and we typically have sex 4-5 times (as many time as we can while have a baby)

[seeyounexttuesday]

yes you are. You're both in a bad situation. Find a way to get some childcare help.

[chrissykerdock]

nothing a few blowjobs can't fix

[Asker]

No offense but a blowjob isn’t going to fix the pressure that’s on me😅. But yes he gets frequent bjs when he’s at home

[chrissykerdock]

i'm sorry i didn't read he wasn't home all week it's difficult accept my apology

[Asker]

You’re good lol. I honestly just use this platform to try and see different perspectives on the matter and occasionally just to vent since all my friends ghosted when I got pregnant😂

[chrissykerdock]

i heard of that abandonment i didn't want to think i was being a smartass i really feel bad i wrote that i don't know what to say other than sorry