Am I wrong for wanting this from my husband?

Question

Today I asked my husband if we could have an open relationship just for this month and he got upset and left me at home. He hasn't returned yet and he isn't taking my calls, so he's more than likely drinking in a motel room somewhere.

I tried to explain to him that it's Pride Month, I'm bi-curious, and he's the only person I've been sexually active with for at least 5 or 6 years. I've been faithful to him, but I feel that I should be able to see what's beyond the horizon. I've never been with another woman, I've never been with a man of color, I've never attended any pride festivals or rallies, and I've never been to any LGBTQ nightclubs.

I feel that now is the time to do those things and I thought he was as liberal and open-minded as I am, yet he's acting like a spoiled little baby and he accuses me of being unfaithful. I'm not unfaithful because I haven't cheated on and I'm not doing this behind his back. I told him he could do the same thing I'm doing this pride month, he could see other women this month if he want and it won't upset me.

Was I wrong for asking this of him? Why do some men have to be mentally stuck in the past?

Society is changing. They'll have to get with the times and learn to let go of "traditional family values" eventually.

crossdressingrihno · Accepted Answer

Lady you're calling him a spoiled baby online because he got upset at you because you said you wanted to sleep with other people. Open relationships and polygamy aren't New age s***. Actually they've been around since ancient Rome and probably beforehand too but that's not the point.

Point is he's upset and him being upset is far from unreasonable. You effectively did a 180 on your relationship with him and from the way you speak about him I hardly doubt that you sugar coated what you were saying. Now you're getting mad at him because you metaphorically stabbed him in the back.

If you want an open relationship that's fine but that's not something you bring out after you've already been married for a few years. And if you do decide to have an open relationship after you've already been married for a few years the very least you should do is be careful with how you word things and not go insulting your husband online because he got upset.

Honestly by this point it seems like it's probably in his best interests to break up with you

SimpleGuy95 · Accepted Answer

I would say asking him wasn´t wrong you just got a clear answer. The problem is that for him that sounds like an excuse because what if he accepts it and you like it so much that you don´t want to give it up?
You probably say: That´s not going to happen. But how you do know?
The problem from his side is that it sounds like the beginning of a relationship that will never be the same again.
I think the issue in that is that you married a guy with a different set of values. For you doesn´t seem like a big deal because you look the sexual pleasure while he probably worries more about your relationship.
I´m not really sure how to solve that because I´ve never been in such a situation.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

If my SO asked me that, I may suspect she had someone in mind...

Besides that, in the straight world men have a harder time picking up someone new than we do. For them it can be a whole ordeal, where as for us... Well, I've stood on a barstool and announced that I'd probably have sex with some of them if I were drunk enough... I didn't buy a drink all night and ended up with every hole filled at the same time.

At gay bars, it depends on his appearance and personality. But he could have similar luck as any woman at a straight bar... Same factors working for him, but he might have a sore backdoor in the morning...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You aren't bi one month out of the year. Stop trying to be trendy. Just because society thinks something is okay doesn't mean it is. That is how German society got the Jews into the ghetto. You might be able to argue that they wouldn't have gone along with the final solution if they knew about it. But once they got neighbors to turn on each other and okay with them being stripped of their property and forced into ghettos; how far the German government went was immaterial. They had already violated the Jewish people's rights.

Freyke · Answer

He is not acting spoiled. I agree that if he is the only person you have been having sex with, that it is normal to wonder what it is like having sex with other people.
Should you be able to? Yes, when you're single.
You think now is the time? No, because you are in a relationship. This is one if those things that you should discuss with your partner before getting serious.
Society is changing... doesn't mean that it's changing for the better. It doesn't mean that you have to follow the crowd.
Covid had us wear masks to help society protect itself from spreading covid, it helped the society. An open relationship has no impact on society at all, and you don't have to follow it.

He doesn't act like a baby, he just acts disappointed because this is not what he signed up for. He thought you were of the same mind, because you did not make your intention clear from the start.

Zenit93 · Answer

You just let your husband that he is not sufficient enough to please your desires. You've rendered him of no use other than to please you in the same way a pet pleases you. You're married, not in college. Society is changing, but it's not changing in a positive direction. Your marriage has a near guaranteed chance to fail if you open it up if you look at the statistics. You want to go on a whorish bisexual escapade in the confines of marriage? Have fun destroying your life. You have two choices. You can destroy your marriage and rationalize it in whatever way of your choosing. Or you can grow up, and realize what the purpose of marriage is actually for.

LimitedBenefits101 · Answer

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Blackcosmo · Answer

For most people, the idea of their partner with another person during a committed relationship isn't appealing. You shouldn't blame him for being upset about this because he's completely justified. He probably feels like you don't think he's good enough for you.

Chris_7565 · Answer

If you married into a monogamous relationship with a person, then you try to change the entire foundation that relationship was built on, it likely gonna be a problem.
In my opinion these are discussions you two should've had before you got married.
He definitely has a right to be upset and feel like the marriage is a lie if you don't want to honour your vows and stay completely committed to your spouse.

Adronicus · Answer

in my opinion yes. I'd of left you completely for suggesting such a thing. You go do you is the attitude I'd have. I'd leave before I got angry at the cuckolding attempt. & no we don't have to "get with the times". We can establish boundaries & relationship terms & if they're not agreed to find someone else.

DarkWinterNights · Answer

Well that was stupid. Congratulations. You just ruined your marriage.
Stories like this make their way around the mgtow circles and are why more and more men are opting out of marriage completely. Even if a guy manages to find a woman he’s comparable with, she tends to get “bored” between 5-7 years and destroy the marriage.

Enjoy “getting with the times” alone.

billmunch · Answer

I was with the same woman for 14 years and during the years 7 to 10, she had a side boyfriend and didn't particularly try to hide it. Sometimes they went on holiday together. I didn't see a problem with it. Our relationship was stable enough to handle it, plus it turned me on a bit knowing my SO was being naughty.

Anyway, I really don't think sex outside the relationship is anything bad or even taboo. I say go for it!

Anonymous · Answer

I feel this is a troll question, yet I'm gonna answer it
Unless you've both agreed and discussed about open relationships in the past, you're the one in the wrong here and your husband is right to react like this.
It's gross anyway

Crankor · Answer

Wrong yes. Your married. That a commitment of making sacrifices on both ends to stay happy together. Deciding to try out new things is something that should of been done before or if current, you figure out why your not in love with him anymore and get divorced if you insist on continuing that direction. There's no testing the waters when your already married. Either stay married and commit or divorce ans move on

Anonymous · Answer

You clearly have very different values. He's feeling very deeply hurt and that you're unfaithful. Even though you didn't do anything and checked with him, that you wanted to try and be with someone else tells him that your willing to be unfaithful. It's not being a prude or "stuck in the past". You promised yourselves to each other and now you've told him you want to break that promise. Apologizing to him is the first step, then you should get couples counseling.

RuthlessAggression · Answer

I don't understand why girls and even guys, especially married couples, want to be able to have "friends", or even relationships with other guys and or girls, outside of a relationship.

I'm not saying you can't. Your life is your life but, I would like to understand why. Why is there this incessant need for MORE attention than you're ALREADY getting, elsewhere?

LazerBean · Answer

Divorce him so that he can find a decent woman to be married to instead.

exitseven · Answer

I would be at my lawyer's office right now figuring out the best way to get rid if you.

Anonymous · Answer

wow you're a piece of shit hope you're ready to sign those divorce papers
being with another woman fine but when you start wanting to mess with guys that's when your husband will have a problem and be pissed off at you
get ready for a messy divorce

Phoenix98 · Answer

Lol sorry but I’m on your husbands side on this one. If you wanted to sleep around you should have done that before you got married.

Anonymous · Answer

You married so you signed up for traditionality, especially since your husband isn’t okay with it.

Anonymous · Answer

Well, he probably feels like shit already and you confirming he wasn't good enough, he's probably killed himself... start calling hospitals because hey he might have been unsuccessful alveit how uncommon that outcome is for guys

Iron_Man · Answer

Why didn’t you tell your husband this before you got married that you might be A future one night stand lesbian

Jamie05rhs · Answer

I would have left your ass, too!! "I feel that now is the time to do those things" NO; it was the time to do those things BEFORE you married him.

Am I wrong for wanting this from my husband?

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Am I wrong for wanting this from my husband?

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