Why doesn't my husband care?

[Anonymous]

2022 has been a rough year. I lost my grandma, who was EVERYTHING to me. She was my rock. I was in a very dark place for several months and finally reached out for help and have been doing therapy. In the midst of all of this, I lost two of my best friends. I know I pushed them away and this must have angered them because they started saying negative things about me behind my back. After some time in therapy, I apologized to my friends for my part in pushing them away and for not being the friend they needed and I sincerely meant it. I couldn’t be the friend they needed at the time. In a nut shell, they told me they didn’t have time for my drama anymore. I decided what was best was to cut them off & cut off all negativity from my life. My husband blames me. He says I am the reason we have no friends, he has told me I am miserable to be around, among other things. He even directly told one of the “friends” he thought I was in the wrong. All my hard work was shattered. I am now back in the same place only it’s my OWN husband that broke me. I have tried expressing my feelings to him but we argue or he just flat out ignores me. For some time, I just ignored it and bottled it all up but obviously therapy has taught me not to do that so I brought it back up and here we go again…… ignored. What more can I do? I wish he understood how much I needed his support but he just thinks I’m crazy and he says I make everything about myself.

[Anonymous]

Ok I don’t know you that well but just from reading what you wrote you sound like you’re a handful. I had an ex who was like that. She always felt like it was me, like she tried to fix things but according to her I didn’t care. It wasn’t that I didn’t care, she was just “crazy.” She could never just talk to me w out getting mad even if it wasn’t me. Rather than listening to how I felt, it was always her scolding me about something. So it got to the point of like fuck this whenever I try to talk I just get in trouble regardless of whether it’s something I did or not. So I just didn’t say shit. It’s hard to be supportive when your partner just seems like a roller coaster. Always mad, grumpy, pissed off about everything. Maybe there’s a lot you need to fix in your life before you’re truly happy, he can’t do that for you. It’s like a few of my cousins who I always see posting on FB about no one caring about them. It’s like no people did care for a while then they said fuck this you aren’t ever going to change, you know you’re at fault for a lot of what happens, people tried to help but you thought you knew it all, etc. Take a real look at yourself, have you really tried to talk to him or at him? Can you be a handful at times?

[loveslongnails]

He shouldn't have let you linger in your dark place for 7 months and done something to pull you out. YOU shouldn't have taken it out on your friends. You ARE the reason they abandoned you, on one hand, but on the other, they weren't "friends enough" to try and pull you out either! It's easy to abandon people when there's drama, IF you're not a true friend. So I don't believe they ever really WERE true friends, and maybe that went both ways, I don't know?

Your husband is also acting like a dink for not talking this out to a real resolution with YOU, and for talking about your personal shit with his "friends". I don't know details, but I know how things like this blow up and you guys are in the blown up stage. If he's not going to talk to you about it, and is convinced it's ALL you, what's the point in continuing with him?