Is it selfish of me to be mad that my husband does nothing?

[Anonymous]

Long story short me and my husband were separated in January and he left to live with his parents and he gained a lot of credit card debt because of it. When he came back a couple of months later I said it was okay for him to not pay the bills for a bit till he got his debt down. He kept promising me that he would contribute to the bills every so often and never did. In this time he never got a job, never helped around the house, and was just going to college then the gym then home. He would also buy stupid things (why do we need a $150 weighing scale) and waste his money on things instead of helping with bills. He goes to college full time but he's home at around 3pm which is enough time to get a part time job but he just comes home and sleeps. I put my life on hold so that he could do this, I dropped out of college, I work 2 jobs to make ends meet and im still poor because I have to support us. I said that it was unfair for only him to get his life in order while mine is slowly turning to just working and providing for someone else and he blames me for it and says that all of this is my fault. So am I selfish for wanting him to work and take on some sort of responsibility?

[MrOracle]

I'd be interested in hearing his side of the story, but assuming he'd confirm everything you said and had no real justification for his position, then, no, it's not selfish, it's completely reasonable for you to be upset. He's not pulling his weight, and that's not okay - it's completely unacceptable.

This is why you should not give things in an open-ended way. You needed to set a time limit ("I can cover the bills for a max of 3-4 months, but after that, you're going to need to be paying your share, however it is you have to do that"). Always establish boundaries and frameworks and expectations when you give something of value to someone, unless you can easily afford to give it for free without ever needing a future change (like being paid back, or him coming back to his responsibilities). It's hard to do that now, but I'd do it anyway: give him 2 more months, and let him know that, WHATEVER he needs to do, he needs to be covering his share of the bills starting March 1. If he has to drop out of school, sell his stuff - whatever - he needs to resume his responsibility for his bills.

[Summeroflove]

Yeah I mean he lied to you so it would frustrate me too if someone did that to me

[TrippyStarry]

I'm sorry life is difficult for you right now. This situation all depends on whether or not you believe this will be worth it at the end. What is he studying? How are his grades? If you stick it out with him during his college years, will there come a time that he'll make so much money that you no longer need to pay ANY of the bills?

There's also the factor of his behavior towards you. Is he actually good to you? Is he polite? Or does he get into arguments like a crazy person? If he is a good human being and his studies will pay off in a few years then this situation will be worth it at the end.

All the best! :)

[LazerBean]

It's not selfish of you, but you definitely should have thought a lot longer before marrying him. Unfortunately you're stuck with him now. Tell him it's 50/50 from now on or he can move back into daddy's house.

[Lilchoco69]

Interesting how you are all silent all of a sudden...

Wonder why?

[Lilchoco69]

You lie way too much... if you expect me to believe that you replied back for those reasons, then you are the stupid one here...

[Lilchoco69]

And I'm not answering you or your questions because you didn't meet my conditions first...

I asked you questions first and you decided to throw insults and think those are clever answers...

Again, you are the stupid one...

All I wanted was to test a low value girl to see if they have at least an honest personality but I was wrong. Your personally and intelligence is low value also... First you are ugly (your mouth looks like a horse, your teeth looks disgusting, your jawline is receded, you're 23 but you look 30, etc...). No any actual good looking men are sending you dick pics or nudes, based on how you look in your profile pic, not a lot of men are sending you nudes. Just ugly men who are desperate, which is why you put that in your profile status. I honestly am even having a hard time believing if ANY guy is sending you nudes from how you look.

You pretend to be smart by being condescending, which is what stupid people do when they want to be seen as smart. You married another ugly person because that's the best you can get. You mention your husband so often here, you clearly have a dependency on him, which means you are still a girl and not a woman... You're insecure of your intelligence and try to make people look stupid to make you look smart. So much low value with you... I bet you don't make a lot of money either..
You got some growing up to do girl. Being married doesn't mean you are grown up...

Since I didn't answer your little question, DON'T reply to me girl...

[Lilchoco69]

Good girl!

[LiamJHayden]

Selfish to be upset that he's capable but unwilling to contribute? Not at all. He's taking advantage of you.

[slatyb]

What are you getting out of this marriage?;

[In_Trance]

You're partially to blame. Put a stop to this