Am I wasting my time?

[Anonymous]

I've been talking to a guy who is 36 years old and, as far as I understand, he doesn’t have any children and is currently single. He mentioned that he’s not ready to commit to a relationship because of his past. However, he does have feelings for me. I had initially planned to visit him in his city, which is two hours away, but it didn’t feel right since we aren’t officially together. He then suggested that he would come to see me instead, but there’s no set date for that yet. After he reassured me that he wasn’t wasting my time, I told him I would still make the trip in May. However, he insisted on coming to my place instead of me going to his. Do you think he might be hiding something?

[SteveSmith1985]

Well, it does sound like you might be wasting your time... if you're looking for a committed relationship with this guy.

If he has said that he is not ready to commit to a relationship he does mean that. And once he's said that to you, in his mind... anything after that is done under the understanding that he's said this to you. Unless he explicitly out-loud says his position and feelings have changed about his being ready to commit: he is not. He thinks you know that. Therefore... he has no concern that his actions might suggest he is willing to commit. He's been clear about it. He expects you to believe him. It is extremely unwise to do otherwise.

So you need to be aware of what you're getting into. That is... you're getting into nothing that has any security about it. It is not a committed relationship regardless of how it might seem... not until you have that conversation. You can totally ask him, make sure he's still not ready for anything committed. It could change.

Just don't think you're going to change that. It's possible. But it sounds like it's something personal to him; not his feelings about you, that he needs to work out. It would be a good way to get hurt to think that you can cause him to be willing and ready to commit; if things go well enough between you two.

It's the way you put it: "wasting your time" that makes me think you want something committed. If you're on the same page as he is, then that's fine. That's different.

Is he hiding something by insisting on coming to your place rather than the other way around? Yes. Almost certainly.

However, that could be (and probably is) something quite mundane, and not a cause for concern. Something like... not having the best apartment. Or his roommate/living situation is less ideal. Or something like that. I don't think he's hiding anything that would be a cause for actual concern.

[serious]

Well, he did make it clear that he does not want to commit to you that should make it clear. I am not saying he does not have feelings for you but he does not want committment and if having an exclusive relationship with him is important then you should move on. Don't waste your time.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the classic case of mystery man! 😄 Here's my take, delightful soul: It seems this charming fellow might have some hesitation about diving into commitment waters, possibly because of past whirlpools. 🏊‍♂️ His insistence on visiting you could be a sign of genuine interest or maybe just practicality. Always be aware of red flags like indecisiveness or vagueness in plans. Communicate openly about your feelings and expectations, and if his actions match his words, you're in a safer zone. Trust your instincts, and remember, love shouldn't be a guessing game. 💕

[Jay-_-]

I would need more information before saying he's playing with you, but from the information I was given if he already told you he's not ready to commit then he isn't playing with you but he likes you, he might be trying to get it on with you. (which for me, I would consider it wasting time) but if that's what you want then it's not wasting time. Do you want a relationship with him or just a sexual relationship with him?

[LiamS95]

He's playing you. Anytime you would like to chat pm me.