How do I stay patient when my boyfriend keeps making the same mistakes over and over again?

Question

It’s incredibly frustrating when my boyfriend keeps making the same mistakes, especially after we've talked about it multiple times. I feel like my patience is running out, but I know staying patient comes down to deciding whether the relationship is worth the effort. I’ve been trying to communicate openly, but I’m also starting to wonder if he’s genuinely trying to change or if he’s just taking my patience for granted. Maybe some patterns won’t change, and that means I need to set clearer boundaries or even reevaluate if this is the right relationship for me. What should I do? Any advice?

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

Yes, I do have some advice. Staying patient does not come down to whether you feel the relationship is worth it. You do not have to have endless patience. How is that fair or right?

It is very reasonable and understandable that your patience is wearing thin. It should be.

If you have talked about an issue multiple times, and you question whether he is even making an effort to change whatever it is... then it is time to re-evaluate the relationship.

I do not think its a matter of setting clearer boundaries. Beause it sounds like you have already done so (when you had those talks). I do not think he is unclear. Do you?

But nobody should stay in a relationship where the same issue is never fixed, even after trying multiple times.

Summeroflove · Accepted Answer

What are the mistakes? Because if it’s intentional it’s not a mistake. Mistakes is something coming out wrong, a mistake is something done by accident not intentionally.

If the relationships one sided where you’re putting all the effort in getting little to none in return. He doesn’t deserve your attention. Even from a selfless perspective isn’t there someone else who deserves your effort? But you will become miserable in a unhappy relationship.

Maybe he’s not a bad guy maybe you’re not compatible I don’t know specifics. But if you’re not happy you both need to move on and find someone whose a better fit. As well as end things on good terms.

CupcakeTheDestroyer · Accepted Answer

If he keeps making the same mistakes with no improvements or accountability, you need to leave. He won’t change no matter how much you wish he would

Sluttt · Accepted Answer

I would tell him i want to separate. If that doensnt change i would say good bye

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

Ah, love, the eternal dance of missteps and patience! 🕺💃 You're right; patterns can be tricky. First, consider if his actions are genuine attempts to change or just charming distractions. 🕶️ Setting boundaries is your stiletto-heeled best friend here! 💃 They're not just for keeping the peace but for preserving your fabulousness too. If he’s tangoing the same dance, it might be time to reevaluate. Remember, you deserve someone who's not just a dance partner but a devoted fan of your unique rhythm. 💖

WindAtMyBack · Answer

What is he doing wrong? There is nothing in what you said to indicate he is the one doing something wrong, or if it's you doing something wrong. Obviously from your point of view it's him. But to anyone reading this it's a complete unknown without more detail. We don't know if he's leaving his dirty socks on the floor or beating you to a pulp.

To be honest, from your wording, it sounds like you may be controlling.

Anyway, as others have said, he apparently isn't going to change. You can accept it or not. If you can't accept it, then maybe you shouldn't be together. Accepting it means REALLY accepting it, not just putting up with it. Because if all you do is put up with it, but in the back of your mind hate it, that is not a healthy relationship.

All people change. But people will change in their own way in their own time. You can't do it for them.

OneViewpoint · Answer

What I can’t tell from your question is what you think he needs to change and what offenses he’s committing.

Here’s the thing. A lot of women have a hard time accepting a guy as he is. They seem to have some fantasy about “the perfect man”. And they simply cannot resist the temptation to try and treat a guy like some Ken doll and mold him into their fantasy. Most men are not going to take well to that. In fact the moment I sense that from a woman, I have that discussion. One time. If she does it again, I’m gone.

So have you looked in the mirror? Are you nagging this guy about insignificant crap to be what you want him to be? If so you don’t respect him and you never will. He should end it

Or does he have serious personality development issues you can’t live with? You should end it.

Is the truth somewhere in between? Maybe it’s salvageable.

AveryGaming2014 · Answer

It’s totally understandable to feel frustrated when the same issues keep coming up. Patience has its limits, and it's okay to acknowledge that. You might want to consider whether he truly understands the impact of his actions and whether he’s actively trying to change. Communication is key—have an honest talk about how you feel, what you need from him, and what changes you're hoping to see. If he's not making an effort, it might be worth asking yourself how much you're willing to tolerate and whether the relationship is meeting your emotional needs.

molonski2 · Answer

Who exactly do you think you are? He is making mistakes? What about all your mistakes that actually piss him off more?
My advice to him." Cut clean the dead wood " , you make it sound like he is a school kid , the absolute arrogance.

taleswapper · Answer

And what mistakes does he think you are repeating? Have you considered that his "mistakes" are not mistakes at all, but him setting standards and boundaries where you disagree they should go?

It may not be about him at all; it may be about you screwing it up and he's the one showing patience because you just don't get it.

Always falsify your position, to test your own understanding.

Stevepro68 · Answer

Yes the thought that this can be fixed eventually usually ends in tears.  if you can't accept his flaws and he can't accept yours maybe you shouldn't be together.

Shiprex · Answer

Some details about what the behaviours would allow strategies to be suggested

ProbablyClueless · Answer

If these are recurring issues and he KEEPS making the same mistakes over and over again, you are probably dealing with weaponized incompetence.

RingOfFire · Answer

You stay patient by thinking about that he's probably thinking the same thing about you.  Everybody has flaws. You can't have a relationship if you don't accept that.

Anonymous · Answer

Can you share a little more detail here? We can't offer you any valid advice without understanding more about what sort of mistakes he is making.

Ariesman81 · Answer

You're communicating through feelings. Men don't. Learn how to communicate with men and stop complaining.

Anonymous · Answer

You should begin by telling us what mistakes he keeps repeating.

DCVsMarvel2 · Answer

If you're criticizing your boyfriend, you're probably not in a relationship. You're in a daddy issues problem

DonaldDarko · Answer

You talk about him as if he were a child. Maybe you should just leave him alone.

Anonymous · Answer

Maybe you can be more tolerant, or you can dump him, it's your choice.

spartan55 · Answer

What are these mistakes he's making?

Caroline91 · Answer

They are no longer mistakes. It's a choice.

AndrésC64 · Answer

I guarantee that you do things that annoy him.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

People don't change.

Pterodon · Answer

It won’t ever change so you have a decision

Anonymous · Answer

What mistakes has he been making

Anonymous · Answer

That depends on what the mistake is

How do I stay patient when my boyfriend keeps making the same mistakes over and over again?

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