Should I end my relationship with my boyfriend who always makes excuses as to why he isn't taking any steps towards bettering his future?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years, we met in med school after he failed a few years behind his batch. He was 3 years my senior. He doesn't really take try to be better in school but always makes excuses for failing his courses. He stops for months at a time and doesn't do anything just hangs out with his friends. His mom recently found out and called me crying saying it was my fault and I should have told her sooner that he stopped going to school. She also said if I wanted a future with him I would have made him go to his classes. She cried and cried and She asked how we can better his future better and to help him. This always puts so much burden on me iij m so tired. He is almost 31 and I'm 26 on my last year of med school. He says he loves me and wants to marry me but he hasn't made any effort to better his life and his excuses just pile up all the time. His mom if going to open him a cafe and he is going back to school. But I don't trust in my heart that he will stick with it. Should I just stick it out, I really need help. Is this what relationships look like?

[msc545]

Unfortunately I think you probably should have ended or at least give him an ultimatum and tell him if he doesn't do better that you're going to end it. My thought about this is that his immaturity will ultimately create horrible problems in any relationship you might have going forward. I can imagine you getting into a situation with him or your pregnant and have it or having a child or you've already had a child and he isn't helpful in terms of taking care of the baby and you wind up doing everything. That would be a nightmare.

[slatyb]

Yes, you should end this relationship. He's never grown up and is unlikely to do that with his mother running his life and making excuses for him. I'm amazed you made it three years with this overgrown child. If you had his child, you would quickly realize that you didn't have a baby, you had two.

[PrettyPriya]

It sounds like you have some justifiable doubts about his work ethic. I think that is something you are going to have to sit down and talk to him about. Basically, if you are concerned, give him a chance but also make it clear that is a "last chance".

Congrats to you on med school by the way! 😊

[RealMarek]

It’s tough for a guy to work so hard at something and end up failing. The reality is that not everyone is able to be a doctor. If he cannot get there but feels he has no alternative, that’s demotivating in the extreme. Perhaps a talk about doing something else like teaching biology, medical sales, physical therapy, etc., would do a world of good. Can you handle a man who is not a doctor or not earning as much as you? If not, this guy might not be the man for you.

[Somoneelse]

Two things kinda bother me here...
- Why the heck does his mother blame you? He is 31! He should already have left home and work for himself!
- if he keeps coming with excuses. He should stop school entirely, or talk about what problems are going on.

[awkward_author]

I would dump him. His words and actions don't line up. You can't trust him to commit to this because he's dropped it so many times. However, you can stay in your relationship if you want. Either way, you should accept the fact that he's probably not going to change.

[noohair]

First thing, none of this is your fault or your responsibility. He is an adult. Next, not everyone that starts Med School makes it through. He could be doing drugs, he could be burned out and reached his limit in education or he might have developed some mental health issued. Don't let him be an obstacle to your success.

[Avicenna]

only you can decide what to do. But if you're unhappy and see no prospect of things changing, you shouldn't stick around.

[EaterPeter]

Yes. In year and a half they all start taking you for granted. If you can still influence them in better way then only they are a keeper

[Anonymous]

Yeah, sounds like he's gonna end up being a moocher.

[Anonymous]

He's a momma's boy loser. Dump him! He is just waiting around to spend your money anyway.

[IncognitoBandito]

Yeah it sounds like a good time to get out.

[LegendaryIcon]

why are you with him in the first place then