I have a boyfriend but I like another guy. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy that sits next to me in English class, and because of that we became friends. Then I started dating my boyfriend 3 months ago. He's sweet and we have amazing conversations. However, he never really makes an effort. He never pays for me when we go out to eat (he insists on splitting the bill for EVERYTHING). He is not broke, so the lack of money isn't the problem. I offer to pay for his food several times, to which he becomes visibly uncomfortable and dodges it. Also, he's never given me anything, not even flowers, after three months of dating. It's not about the flowers themselves, but it's about the gesture and what it means. My friend, however, got me a pin when he went abroad because I have a bunch of them on my backpack, and said the pin reminded him of me. Small, but meaningful (no, I don't like him because of that). I showed it to my boyfriend, and he got mad. I don't think he was in the position to get mad. I mean, if he's not giving me anything, might as well let other people do it, right? Besides, he's failed to respect my boundaries more than once before, like overly insisting when I said no to intimacy, and the other day I was telling him a sad thing that happened to my mom and he started to play with my boob. Like, read the room, dude! I felt deeply disrespected. Anyway, I've come to realise that my friend likes me, and I'm starting to like him too. However, me and my boyfriend are already going to prom together, and breaking up right before is kinda shitty, especially because we're wearing matching outfits. And after prom, there are only 3 days of school left, and I wanted to confess my feelings to my friend in person, but I won't because breaking up right after prom is also shitty, for the same reasons. I'm thinking of breaking up with him after finals so that his studies won't be affected.

Am I being too cruel to my boyfriend? Am I doing the right thing? I feel so guilty to write and post this!

[ZiZi_Bell]

So, it sounds like your current boyfriend doesn't really know how to be a boyfriend. You're under 18, still in high school, etc., so that makes sense. Nobody really knows what they're doing at that time.

Sounds to me like your boyfriend thinks being in a relationship is about saying you're boyfriend/girlfriend and not much else. Were you two friends before you started dating?

My honest opinion would be to have an open and direct discussion with your boyfriend about what you want out of a relationship. Don't mention your friend, because that will make him think he's being compared to another guy and he'll go hard on the defensive. See how he reacts to you telling him what you want, and you'll know if the relationship is worth staying in.

Don't think about prom or finals or all that. Things like that are never good reasons to stay unhappy in a relationship.

But most importantly, I want you to really think about your feelings for your friend. Are you feeling them because you want to date him, or are you feeling them because he does thing you wish your boyfriend did? It may turn out that you shouldn't be with either of them. Think about it carefully.

[Sparklight]

Honey you are under 18. Date whoever you want at your age. The world is open to you (at least it should be).

[Sparklight]

Thanks for MHO.

[Effably]

I suppose I have two sources of input here.

1. Relatively recently the concept of love languages have gotten a lot of attention. Its basically saying we express love differently. It seems like your boyfriend places quality time together at the top, the amazing conversations, whereas you have gift giving/receiving high up.

It is entirely possible it doesn't even register with him that that is one way in which people feel loved. So that's the first one. Feel free to look up love languages, its easy and interesting.

2. The first doesn't really matter since you explicitly state you want to break up ane date the other guy. You do not owe people things. Being shitty or not is about the respect you show when breaking up. Not if you do it. Cheating? Shitty. Telling someone you're not feeling it? Good.

Just reading this I am in the break-up camp. But if that isn't what you want, look up love languages and have an amazing conversation about those and where you and your boyfriend stand.

[Finchie40]

End it with your boyfriend , he isn’t good for you , the reason you are liking this other guy is because your boyfriend doesn’t respect you or listen to you and doesn’t really care about your feelings whatsoever, he just likes the convenience of you and looks at you like a blow up doll that he can mess around with when it’s convenient for him. Dump him before Prom and ask that other boy to go with you , Don’t go to prom with your boyfriend whatsoever, you will not have a good time , especially if you already plan on dumping him , he can return is suit or sell it, either or that’s not your problem , your boyfriend dug his own grave by not being caring and supportive of you whatsoever.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the heart wants what it wants, right? 💖 My aim on Girls Ask Guys is to guide you through these tangled feelings. It sounds like there are some red flags in your current relationship, especially when it comes to respecting boundaries and emotional connection. Your feelings for your friend might be highlighting what's missing in your current relationship. Communication is key, so maybe have an honest chat with your boyfriend about what's bothering you. If things don't improve, it's okay to prioritize your happiness and well-being. Better an honest break than a prolonged mismatch. Good luck, lovely! 😊

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

You're probably better off breaking up with him as soon as possible, instead of prolonging the relationship just to avoid being shitty.

Maybe you could still go to prom with him, just as friends, if that's important to him. Although it's possible that he has a backup girlfriend just like you seem to have a backup boyfriend.

Is he your first boyfriend?

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

Any updates on your situation?

[Asker]

Prom was two weeks ago, and I'm still with him. I think I'm gonna wait till the stress of the exams is gone to think about breaking up. Exams are my 1st priority always

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

Are you still talking with the other guy?

[Asker]

nope. Classes ended so I don't see him anymore

[NotLongKindaGirthy]

Will you see him when you take the exam for the class you had with him?

[Asker]

Also no. Not doing exam for that class. The only chance I will get to see him is if we bump into each other on the street or something, which is unlikely because he lives further away from town.

[Stevepro68]

It is extremely unlikely that you are going to meet a person in high school that is your person. If you have feelings for another person this makes it less likely. You have to face the music be more adult than most people and tell both of them the truth.

[slatyb]

Dump the guy who makes no effort. Date the guy who does.

[DawnB]

Honey that's not your boyfriend he's a friend with benefits at least that how he sees it.

[Anonymous]

Are either of the guys black? You would probably enjoy having a black boyfriend! 😊

[red-lipstick-girl]

Your boyfriend is so insensitive

[lisaleib]

Does he make you feel something new?

[Asker]

Yeah, you could say that. I tried to ignore those feelings as much as possible out of respect for my relationship, but it's getting impossible to ignore.

[Fanfare690]

You're lucky. I didn't leave my loser boyfriend... but you can and should. Lucky girl

[lisaleib]

DM me I wanted to ask you something personal about the new guy

[KateCrombie]

Tell your boyfriend that u like another guy…

[beenherebefore]

Break up with your boyfriend.

[trumpetplayerforlife]

If you aren't happy leave

[jahaims]

Don't date until you mature

[zombiewoof]

Enjoy life