Would it bother you if one of your friends of the opposite gender had feelings for you but never brought them up or acted on them?

Question

Puppystarfish23 · Accepted Answer

It's really depends. I have a lot of male friends and always have since I was young. Guys are just a lot more easy going and you can have a laugh with them without anyone getting upset.

On the other hand if the guy is always desperate for a girlfriend or a player it's more than likely he's only befriended you for one reason and one reason only.

I hate it because it ruins the relationship and usually the guy will try to guilt trip you or say you led them on which is really horrible.

Also if guy tries to not bring it up but is very obvious in his intentions it just gets super cringe and awkward. Like if he's constantly playing the nice guy in front of you and acting jealous and bitter when you don't give him your full attention. That's usually when ill leave the friendship.

I'm married and I still have a lot of male friends so that should mean really but they have good intentions. I've only had a couple guy friends come on to me and even admitted they once had feelings for me and I respect the honesty if they are up front about it and respectful but I'll always keep them at arms length

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I mean what do you even do with that if you're in a committed relationship? Okay, you liked me, but you chose not to say something. SHRUGS. Not going to ditch my whole life because that person missed their chance...and that's even assuming you even thought about them in that way. If you never did, it 100% doesn't even matter. People can like whomever, but it's not always mutual.

I think this only matters if you're single AND you wanted something with them. If they are still in that head space, it may be the start of something new even if you had to wait all that time.

matchrestore · Accepted Answer

Having feelings and deciding for one reason or another not to act on them is perfectly valid. Maybe they value the friendship too much and don't want to jeopardize it. Maybe one of you is taken and they don't want to break up a relationship. Maybe they recognize that the feelings, though valid, might be fleeting or not enough to act on. And guess what... You can still remain friends all the same, and that's worth something!

Avicenna · Accepted Answer

It would only if she never mentioned it while I was single (obviously I wouldn’t want her to if I’m in a relationship).

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim here is to help you navigate relationship twists and turns like a pro! Now, onto this situation you're curiously pondering. Having a friend secretly crushing without spilling the beans can be like walking through a field of unspoken words. It wouldn't bother me too much unless it started affecting the friendship. As long as the vibes stay chill and respectful—and there's no lovebombing drama—everything's good! It's kind of like knowing about a secret fan club; flattering but keep it cool.😉

VIVANT · Answer

I wouldn’t know if they had feelings beyond friendship if they never told me. If I had feelings for them, it’s my responsibility to say something- if I want something which I wouldn’t necessarily even if I had deeper feelings, in which case, I say nothing.

If I did not feel something beyond friendship OR if I did not want to instigate something beyond friendship, I wouldn’t be trying to sort out if they had deeper feelings. And I’d respect their privacy.

it can only be awkward if they start acting strange but don’t say anything directly so I’m in the position iof maybe needing to say something just to clear things up… whist can be uncomfortable for everyone.

Genie23 · Answer

Happened to me more than few times. I think it's better this way as there's no point confessing it to someone who doesn't feel the same way, right? Because those who confessed and I didn't feel the same way, we are not longer friends

DishLady · Answer

Tbh it happens all the time… but I don’t think anyone is bothered by it unless both parties feel something and aren’t acting on it, which is often a waste of something potentially awesome.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How could it bother me if I never knew about it?

midnightmoon05 · Answer

It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t know.

it happened in college… the guy moved out “because of me” I was told by the group friends.
I was too busy being a social butterfly and never pay much attention…

once I heard about it… I though it’s wired that he already thinks I’m his girlfriend.

so stop bidding as anon… as well in life. Just shared your thoughts and see what happens..

Babygirl_S · Answer

Acted on them? I definitely prefer not being touched against my wishes. It would hurt me to know he liked me but never let me know. I love a true GENTLEMAN who doesn’t believe in raping me no matter how much he is attracted to me. It’s sexy to see a man who’s excited but in control of his sexual urges. The others look like helpless puppies.

EmmaMary · Answer

Somewhat like @nikki1989 I would be rather upset and disappointed that they felt unable to confide in me... I like to think that with all our friends we have a very honest and open relationship.

osmanthus · Answer

I don't think so. We're talking about opposite gender and not 'sex'. If a heterosexual male identified as female gender and never told me (heterosexual female), would that have made him out to be a lesbian? I don't know.

DangerouslyCute · Answer

how can bother me something I don't know about?

Anonymous · Answer

Well if they never brought them up then how could I ever know? And if I never knew then how could I be bothered by it?

Are you asking if they confessed it years down the road? It would only bother me that they felt the need to bring it up now. Like why now? I mean what am I supposed to say to that?🤣 Because as the old saying goes, "If she wanted to she would". And she didn't, so...

See what I'm saying?

OneViewpoint · Answer

Let me answer your question with a question. If that friend had never felt comfortable enough to act on their feelings because of your behavior, would it bother you? Are you your own undoing?

WhitneySnow · Answer

I asked a question about this once. My personal feeling is no. As long as they didn’t hit on me, it wouldn’t bother me. People can’t help who they fall for.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

No I honestly wouldn't care, it might be a missed opportunity but generally I wouldn't even think of it

Brandi555 · Answer

I put no because if they never talked about their feelings or brought them up then how would I know. But assuming I did know then I certainly wouldn’t be offended and I wouldn’t want to hurt that person cus as you said they are my friend.

DeeDeeDeVour · Answer

That happened and still happens despite the fact that I'm married.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I would be concerned over why he never said anything. All of our friends are usually pretty open about most things.

Twalli · Answer

It would depend. Was I single at that time? If I was, I'd prefer to know that they were interested in being more than just friends, since I might have been willing to explore that with them too.

exitseven · Answer

She did bring it up and things were weird after that.

Anonymous · Answer

If you want to be a food friend you don't bring it up.  If you're desperate, you do. But then that friend has to ask themself, why now?

MannMitAntworten · Answer

No. Because I wouldn’t know unless they brought them up … one did a few times.

Anonymous · Answer

If I wasn’t mutually interested and he wasn’t acting on those feelings then sure.

AndrésC64 · Answer

If they never brought it up and never acted on it, how would I know?

Chocolatetwopointtwo · Answer

id be bothered if they told me, like why ruin a friendship js bc u felt a little horny?

Anonymous · Answer

It wouldn't bother me, I was friend-zoned by several hot girls ;)

chrissykerdock · Answer

i assume all men have feelings for me

nastyb · Answer

I would probably be extra nice to them.

anon1903 · Answer

Only if he's weird about it

RedInnocent69 · Answer

No, it’s just sort of expected after awhile

Jeff51 · Answer

I think it should be brought up.

In_Trance · Answer

This is why men and women can't be friends

Anonymous · Answer

*opposite sex

Would it bother you if one of your friends of the opposite gender had feelings for you but never brought them up or acted on them?

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