Is it uncommon for friends to become lovers?

[Anonymous]

This is kinda a two part question I got into an argument with a female friend and I believe she is very sheltered based on what she is saying.

I told her that there are plenty of friends out there who become lovers and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that’s is fairly common and I also said that it’s not that big a deal if someone befriends you as a way to become closer with a friend that they are romantically untested in.

She thinks your apparently a disgusting person if you befriend someone because your untested in their friend. Basically because she thinks the friendship isn’t genuine at that point. She also paints a picture that you needed to be friends with her just to get close to said individual you’re untested in.

Personally I think this is a bit conceited and dramatic I’ve heard both men and woman doing this and I also I’m pretty sure this is fairly common thing that people do.

Especially from a guys perspective we don’t need much to be genuine friends so the reason we became friends usually matter little I can’t speak for the ladies but is this that big of a deal. I also feel like she is also partly making this a big deal if guy in particular does it

I don't know if it’s just me or if I’m outta touch but I feel like if anyone’s outta touch it’s her , like as a guy if someone becomes friends with me because they want my friend but we are actually really cool I’m tell you to shit your shot.

She has this mindset that if someone rejected you guy or girl and your still have mindset that things can change that your wasting energy and time. And you should quite on quote know your worth and go were your wanted.

And that even if things change your just someone second options bro your never anyone’s first option I don't know am I crazy or is she a bit out of touch?

[Communicationisking]

You wrote - I told her that there are plenty of friends out there who become lovers and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that’s is fairly common and I also said that it’s not that big a deal if someone befriends you as a way to become closer with a friend that they are romantically untested in. (Is untested a typo and meant to be interested in?)

Response - Common yes, for friends to become lovers because they know each other as friends and feel safe around them.

Becoming friends with someone to get closer to their friend is pretty much using that person (I'm not exactly sure that's what you mean but that is the way I understand what you said. Correct me if I'm wrong as it is just the way I interoperate it)

You wrote - She thinks your apparently a disgusting person if you befriend someone because your untested in their friend. Basically because she thinks the friendship isn’t genuine at that point. She also paints a picture that you needed to be friends with her just to get close to said individual you’re untested in. (again I assume untested = interested)

Response - sorry I agree with her

You wrote - Personally I think this is a bit conceited and dramatic I’ve heard both men and woman doing this and I also I’m pretty sure this is fairly common thing that people do.

Response - common or not doesn't make it right

Without going through the rest I think your friend is a special person and literally trying to help you by explaining that being a true genuine person is the way to go here and I think she is a friend that you should listen to. If you know a person and you also meet their friend that you are attracted to why not say to the person you know that you are attracted to their friend or better yet speak to the friend and build a relationship with them? The universe crossed your paths for a reason, why not take that opportunity to see if those paths can be along side each other.

[Asker]

Sorry about the typos I was typing this up at work I am going to have to disagree. if your entire friendships is based around one particular thing strongly that you would throw the friendship away then were you ever friends to begin with? And what if you ended up close because of your interest in that third party. I don’t think how or why you became friends matter as much as the friendship itself. I don’t think this is nearly as bad as some make it out to be.

Like it makes little difference

[Communicationisking]

I'm not sure but I think we are on the same page here.
To clarify are you or whoever you are talking about making friends with someone just to get closer to their friend?

[Asker]

It was a generally topic that came up while we were discussing the above topic of friends becoming lovers.

But my response to something else she said is that there isn’t anything wrong with someone becoming friends with you simile because they are interested in your friend. I don’t believe your whole friendship should hinge on something like that especially if the person in question turned out to be a really valuable and close friend. Then what the whole friendship is now worthless cause they were interested in your friend if anything that servers asa common point of interest for you both much how any other well interest would be.

[Communicationisking]

I'm having trouble understanding you, I really wish I could though.

I'll just say I don't think it is correct to pretend to be friends friends with someone just to get closer to their friend.

[Asker]

The point I am making is there is nothing wrong with someone becoming friends with you because they want to be with your friend.

At want point did anyone say that pretending is a thing and that my issue with both your point and hers. it all hinges on the facts that because your friends with someone just cause your interested in their friend then the friendship isn’t genuine. Based on what?

The fact they aren’t untested ROMANTICALLY in your friend? That is a common point of interest for both of you and my second point is if that person is friends with you and has tasted you right then why would you throw away a prefect good friendship simply because the person your friends with was or is interested in your friend.

If your entire friendship is only held together on that one thing then you guys were never friends to begin with

[Asker]

I don’t think it’s all that serious if someone wants to be my friend simply cause they primarily are interested in my friend that’s fine but it all depends on the approach and how your treat me nuisance is a thing I feel like this generation as forgotten.

[Communicationisking]

Wouldn't you rather that person trying to be your friend just be up front and say they want/are attracted to your friend?

[Asker]

I don’t think it really matters either way I mean weather they tell me at the start of the friendship or well into the friendship if we are bonding or always bonded does it matter who they are untested in st that point?

[Asker]

Even if they tell you the start of the friendship what are you just not gonna be friends with this person cause they are untested in your friends isn’t that just as shallow as them if they just pretended to be your friend and don’t care about you at all?

[Asker]

The key to stuff like this is nuisance just cause someone’s goal doesn’t align with yours doesn’t make them your enemy

[Asker]

I don't know I feel like this is fairly common especially among guy friends groups but maybe that’s just me

[Asker]

And if they did tell you in the beginning all the more reason to get them to see if they would be a good fit for your friend I don't know maybe i just see things differently

[Asker]

I’ve never heard of this ending badly for individuals who have gone about things through this approach though

[Communicationisking]

I think we are on the same page mostly. Just there is something hindering our ability to communicate properly and it is just probably me and apologies for that.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

She’s probably just not a fan of the idea of someone befriending her for the express purpose of getting to know her so they can potentially date her as approaching someone platonically based on sexual attraction can still constitute a sexual approach

[AI Opinion]

Sharing wisdom from my experience on Girls Ask Guys, friendships blossoming into romance is pretty common! 💖 It's not unusual for someone to feel initially attracted to a friend's buddy. It's all about how genuine your connections and intentions are. Your friend might feel strongly about this due to past experiences or values, which is totally valid. But forming bonds doesn’t always come with hidden agendas. Sometimes, love is just a delightful surprise package wrapped in friendship. That's the magic, right?✨

[exitseven]

I think it happens. I had s girlfriend but if I didn't I probably would have had a relationship with my close friend.

[Anonymous]

Depends on every friend couple.

[Asker]

Okay but generally speaking

[Opinion Owner]

I think you're right, it's quite rare.

[Asker]

That’s what I’m saying like I feel like being someone who haven’t heard of these things is insane like I’ve heard of friend groups where a guy and a girl might have been friends and ended up together or maybe someone came into the friend group but was particularly interested in another individual

[Asker]

I feel like that’s stuff that happens every day

[Opinion Owner]

So true... many guys are friends with girls who friend-zoned them.