How do you handle bf’s excessive jealousy?

[Anonymous]

I love my boyfriend and I don’t want to break up with him, but his jealousy is becoming really difficult to deal with. He gets upset when I talk to my male coworkers or if I go out with my girlfriends and their boyfriends are around. What hurts the most is that when other men make inappropriate comments or harass me, instead of supporting me, he gets jealous and accuses me of doing something to provoke it or acting like I wanted the attention. It’s like he blames me for being harassed, and that really breaks my heart. I care about him deeply, but this kind of jealousy and lack of trust is starting to damage our relationship.

[Finchie40]

If you truly care about him and want to stay with him , then you unfortunately are going to have to make some sacrifices by pretty much distancing yourself from the opposite sex as much as possible and reassuring your boyfriend that you love him and that you aren’t cheating on him , Start including him more when you go out with your girlfriends’ especially if your girlfriends’ are bringing their boyfriends around as well. The biggest mistake most people make when getting into a relationship with someone is they just assume things are fine between each other when really it isn’t , why it’s best to always wear your partners’ shoes the same way you want them wearing yours before making decisions, Think how you would feel if your boyfriend was hanging around other girls’ behind your back and excluding
You from hanging out wit. h his friends’ that brought their girlfriends’ with them but he didn’t invite you? You would feel left out and feel he possibly
Might be up to no good. Unfortunately your boyfriends’ insecurity issues stem down from things he experienced or witnessed in his lifetime , so i as a partner you are best to reassure him that you love him and that you are by his said and not going anywhere , also suggest to him that he goes and gets, some therapy or counseling for himself if the can’t get over being insecure. If you don’t want to go through all that with him , then you are best to end things with him and move on

[RavVid]

The issue comes down to mate guarding.

This is a trans species phenomenon. Birds will do it if one of a pair is removed from the cage. The bird left behind seems to assume the bird that was removed has been up to no good and they get a good pecking on return.

Us humans tend to self mate guard initially at least. We tell boyfriend or girlfriend where we are going etcetra. Like If you are meeting your gfs and their bfs are included, why isn't invitation extended to him?

Another side of this is we all have a concept of what a good girlfriend or boyfriend is. It is very embedded in us and discrepancies causes conflicts. You might dress in a normal way to you but he thinks is designed to attract other men's attention. I have certainly been guilty of that. I'd guess there is a significant mismatch in this area, both ways between you.

It often helps to transpose situations. If he went out with his mates and their drop dead gorgeous girlfriend's you might feel some concerns if they made you seem inferior in comparison. Or if there were drop dead gorgeous single girls tagging along with the said drop dead gorgeous gfs.

I can't have any idea if your boyfriend is excessively jealous or not.

I am just trying to put some other perspectives around this for you. If I was the only boyfriend excluded from girls and boyfriends catch up then I would think something is wrong.

[Anonymous]

If someone told you that this was as good as your relationship will ever get would you stay? My guess is no. You shouldn’t stay with a guy just because you love him, you stay because he’s the man you need him to be right now. Dealing with someone else’s insecurities is far from flattering it’s flat out exhausting. It’s controlling, it’s nothing romantic or good. Before you know it you’ll find yourself avoiding doing the smallest things so you won’t set him off and that’s no way to live. Love yourself more than him, it’s the only right answer.

[alice55]

Ther's nothing to do except breaking up, his jealousy have reached delusional level you won't be able to talk him out of it or even just calm it down it will just keep getting worse and worse.

There's jealousy that g et triggered becuase of your action which can be manageable and then there's delusional one, he just need to fo see a psychiatrist at this point. What does he except you to do not talk to coworker? At this point he will lock you in his bedroom and still accuse you of cheating.

[AI Opinion]

Helping folks like you navigate the tricky world of emotions is why I'm here! 🌟 Trust and communication are foundation stones in any relationship, so when jealousy creeps in, it's crucial to address it. No one should feel guilty for simply being who they are. Try to sit him down, speak openly, and let him know how his actions make you feel. Solutions often lurk in honest conversations, and maybe some middle-ground can help mend those cracks. If jealousy feels overwhelming, it might require professional guidance. Keep your chin up, and remember, you deserve trust and respect in your relationship. 💖

[ohsheeT]

You walk away now in stead of taking all the crap that comes with it. And months down the road your going to walk away anyway.

You can't live like that neither one of you can

You want to be with a guy that believes in you 100% you want a guy that trust you 100 % that makes you smile and happy everyday

a guy that believes your a little badass and can handle yourself in any Situation if they.
he also knows.
If there's a problem that starts to get out of hand you're gonna tell him and then he can , deal with it. That love. And real.. not his Insecur.
Ities for all different types of reasons. The main one is that. He know who he is. And if the same Situation came up, but was reversed. It was him and said you he doesn't know what he would. Do you might act on it... That's where insecurities come from but you can't keep living like this this is not a healthy relationship

[DishLady]

Look. If you want the guy you put up with the headache of his constant moronic toxicity. However if you have a brain in your skull you’ll know to leave the guy and be with someone who doesn’t plague you with their asinine insecurities.

[OneViewpoint]

Your boyfriend has some deep seated insecurities that override whatever trust he has in you.

Insecurity again, he’ll attack you but he won’t confront any of the men. He’s a coward. Too insecure to stand up for himself.

This isn’t going to fix itself. He’s probably n denial about his problem. So he won’t get help. And help could take years.

Do you want to be a prisoner in your on home if you marry this guy? Do you want him controlling who your friends are? Or worse having no friends of your own?

Don’t waste good years on this guy. Get out. Fast.

[Miristheiss]

You two aren't going to work. Just end it.

I'd tell him, if your girl is always hanging around other men and goes out to where she is out with other men and you don't like that then you two are not COMPATIBLE.

Goes out with the girls... but the other guys are there? Your guy missed the invite? You were vague on that. Most guys don't care about the girl hanging out with friends... for coffee, shopping, the nail salon, lunch or dinner, going to a movie but many aren't up for their girl going to bars and clubs and out at drinking hook up places late.

You'd probably have to elaborate on what the out with the girls... and guys thing means.

Regardless. Just move on. If each of your boundaries with hanging out with the opposite sex don't line up then you two are NOT A LONG TERM FIT.

[Levin]

Well, firstly you can't get anywhere here if you don't have any boundaries, or teeth to what you say.

You have to let him know that this is coming from him, from his own jealousies and insecurities, and not from anything you have done.

And secondly, he needs to be responsible and deal with his problems. This involves taking responsibility for the hurtful and destructive shit he is saying, and then quite probably, getting some therapy.

But if you keep on allowing him to do this, without any real risk of cutting him off he continues, then this will just go on for ever. So the ball is kind of in your court.

Ultimately goes down to self-respect. I wouldn't tolerate that shit from a partner, and would cut them off immediately. So there's obviously a reason why you have allowed this to go on.

[Anonymous]

Jealousy is lack of trust. Past hurts. But it is also enough love in there to stoke it. People who are not committed feel nothing.

He either choses to let that past go, trusting you on your own actions or you learn to live with his reaction.

You need to have a very honest conversation with him. And really with him. Not at him. Tell him you are with him because you love him. That you are going to be social but you come home to him at the end of each day. Then encourage his thoughts and listen.

[Cormac995]

You have a shit boyfriend. You don't love him he's gaslit you into thinking he loves you but this isn't jealousy this is about control. there's a difference.

[mobiusforniner]

The root cause is his own insecurity which you will not be able to resolve

im sorry, you don’t have a man for a boyfriend. You have a little boy.

[WhitneySnow]

You need to have a long talk with him and if he refuses to listen seriously consider breaking up with him

[Nikki1989]

You don't.

Dump and move on.

[Jackblue]

I know you don't want to, but I think you need to walk away. Sooner or later guys like that always start getting physical.

[Emmytexrex]

He has to work on his insecurities things won't change unless he works on them on his own he has to realize it by himself

[AndrésC64]

Dump him. Jealousy is not a good sign and it's only going to get worse.

[Arcadian222]

Remind him the groundrules. If it still persists, phase out

[robocop666]

Tell him to stop or he will be dumped. This is maddness.

[StephanieChick111]

Punish him when he misbehaves.

[slatyb]

You break up with him. He will ruin your life.

[Staximus]

Get rid of that asswipe

[jahaims]

He is immature move on

[Anonymous]

I guess by diplomacy.

[DrPepper12]

Dump him