How do you handle jealousy in a relationship?

Question

The jealousy in my partner used to make him say really unkind things to me.
I was gifted a flower by a random man carrying a bouquet. He said "he probably stole it from a graveside!"
When I was studying he used to demand I get home by a particular time if I was home even a minute later he would leave and cancel the plans we had together.
If I had other male friends he would threaten them, "you better not have another guy in your house!"
"he'd show up at my house in the early hours of the morning when he knew I had work on the weekend drunk, or call me suggesting some kind of risqué sexual act with another guy usually random! When confronted about it he said he was lying there was noone with him.
He didn't want to meet my family.
He didn't want to meet my friend's!
He went and did fun things but without me and would tell me. Trying to incite jealousy in me.

Jealousy makes people act in really unusual ways. But this was a really immature and toxic way.
I couldn't do right from wrong. And everything was a personal slight to him.
Or competition!

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

This person was all kinds of messed up.

I knew a woman, very recently, who did the exact same things to me, who was married. So it wasn't some lesbian thing. But she was jealous when I asked other people to do things with me and regularly said, "Why didn't you ask ME?" My retort was, "Because I asked them!" We did other things together. I wasn't going to spend all my free time with her! I was amazed at her behavior and finally had to break up with her.

I told her I couldn't be with someone who acted the way she did. It was like we were in high school and she was competing with the other people for me, the "popular" girl. It was creepy.

I wasn't telling her about being with other friends to make her jealous. I was talking about what I did or was planning to do in passing; as part of general conversation. Just like I do with all of my friends. I've never had that response in my rather long lifetime. I was shocked. Similarly, it was as if it were a personal slight to her if I did anything with anyone else! She said mean things about neighbors who were lon how Igtime friends. She was critical about I drove my car when she was in it, about my hair, my clothes. I was nothing but complimentary about her clothes and hair and she seemed surprised by this...

Clearly, something was wrong with her. I could never find out what because she would not reveal why she was upset about anything. So, realize that you needed to cut this guy off. He was toxic. You couldn't helpf him. Neither could I help my former neighbor.

Yucy_Gluttony · Accepted Answer

The kind YOU ARE DEALING WITH? I end things. Flowe comment is so petty. Canceling for one minute late ONE, what a childish sack of disappointment. Threatening friends? I would invite a kickboxer and brief him beforehand before MR JEALOUS comes in. Coming without warning at my place DRUNK? That door stays locked. Not wanting to meet friends and family? You don't want to be part of them you are wasting MY TIME. Fun things to incite JEALOUSYYYYYYY WHAT A JOKE HE IS.

I WOULD END THINGS I would have at the second point you brought up. I can only take so much CRAP

zeitgeist057 · Accepted Answer

I confront it for what it is, colon insecurity. Jealousy is seen by some people it’s a healthy thing because they think oh well if this person cares about me then they will be jealous. I don’t agree with that at all, I just think jealousy is fear/insecurity, and therefore not a healthy fun thing that I want to have in my relationships at all. Unhealthy I think when people show jealousy it’s a good opportunity to have a conversation. Ask them about their insecurity, and how they think they might be able to overcome or change their insecurity and get a little bit more confidence and be a happier person. Someone who is not threatened by their happiness and confidence of others, who isn’t threatened by other people being kind to their partner, or even finding their partner attractive. I think it’s the height of stupidity to find your partner attractive, but at the same time expect no one else to, and to act like a child if they do.
Good tool to deal with jealousy, is having good boundaries. Like in the photo if someone is checking your phone or otherwise controlling me possessing you like an object rather than a person, it’s up to you to stop them from doing that and making sure they know that those types of actions are not OK.

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

A  little  bit of jealousy in every relationship is a good thing, because it means the other person cares about you and wants you to stay loyal. However in your case, he's way more than jealous, he's just paranoid, and how he's acting could become worse in a way that causes something beyond repair. I have had some jealousy in past relationships, but never anything to  that  degree. The one ex I was very jealous with and suspected she was messing around, was the one relationship where my Spidy senses were 101% right. But in your situation this guy is being very paranoid and controlling.

ohshee · Answer

That is pure toxic are you still with him I'm sorry but I have to say that's the type of guy you run from that's more than jealousy that's controlling and sounds like he's a lost soul
Your question is how do you handle jealousy in a relationship first of all that's not a relationship s about that's more than jealousy and you don't handle that you walk away from that there are much better men out there than that I'm sorry but I have to say it any man that acts like that should be by himself cuz he's a dangerous threat and it changes the direction you might want to go in life and that's just not right you're not doing anything wrong yet he wants you to by telling you that you are each and every day no he's Danger and that's not living life that's being controlled

SaintsSinners · Answer

From a psychological side of view, your partner has a serious problem, to talk about that won't be enough maybe, jealously, and the fear to lose you, can lead to other problems, the fact that he don't want to meet your family, and friends point to the fact that he wants you completely for himself, wichbis again a psychological problem. A therapy would be for his own best.

PinkMichae · Answer

He sounds very immature and I hope you know you deserve better than that. I hope you can stand up for yourself and explain its not ok. Things need to change. If you don't put your foot down it will likely get worse.

lightbulb27 · Answer

I think have to understand the underlying drivers of that jealousy in that person, build trust, guard the emotional relationship. you could for example, reject the flower or say you will give it to someone else... and talk about the feelings with him (his).

good luck.

KarinMcDonald · Answer

In our relationship there is no room for jealousy at all. My husband and I have a consenting one sided open adult relationship. He has told me that he feels just a little bit jealous, but he doesn't get angry about it. The jealousy feeds his libido and drives him crazy into being somewhat of a sex slave to me.

Tinana · Answer

Well my boyfriend said he’s the jealous type and I have too much self confidence to be jealous. He doesn’t like me talking to other guys 😂 which I still do because I can’t ignore my friends because I’m with you. I just told him I trust him and if he couldn’t do the same with me it’s a deal breaker so now he still cares who I go out with but he just tells me he trusts and loves me

Aerissa_Jade · Answer

That isn't just jealousy, that is controlling an abusive. He will want to isolate you from all your friends and family and make you submissive.

That is abuse and you'd be better off leaving him, cause once he has you isolated it is a lot harder when you have no friends or family to turn to. I've been there before, and it sucks.

wingattebaby16 · Answer

My man is often Not Tuned into my Needs. And he works with a lot of girls my age (he is 46y0) and so many times i have seen them flirting with him, very aggressively sometimes.

I admit the Jealousy Green Eyed Monster eats me alive.

Then i Blow a Gasket, yelling and screaming at him. If he would just pay attention to me and the Signs around us, i would not have to blow up.

after a blow up, he is attentive to me, usually 1-3 weeks, before i blow up again.

Crankor · Answer

I'd say it depends if you have given him reason to be that way or if it's just him. It Def can get toxic fast if he refuses to ever trust or believe you but also have you done things that made him be that way? Either way, if it continues, it won't end well. You can either do like was mentioned by turning down other offers for him for a while and see if he improves and is able to regain (if he ever had it) trust from you, or just go on your way. But if you hang with other guys a lot alone then many guys would have issues with that regardless but just not all to that extreme.

Zenit93 · Answer

I'm upfront. I've been cheated on before, so my guard goes high when I see a perceived threat. It's a natural defense mechanism to avoid pain. I however maintain some order around this emotion. I always make sure to check the rationality and I don't let it become controlling. Setting boundaries has helped as well. My mind in the presence of these emotions disconnects. I disconnect emotionally to my partner, and build resentment through time. I become distant, and focus on selfish desires.

Anonymous · Answer

The first guy I dated was the jealous type and at first I thought it was cute until I understood it was more so him being possessive over me and it became a problem so now I make it clear to men that I don’t like jealousy and if they’re the jealous type, then it won’t work

dustybiker · Answer

I wouldn’t have put up with that past the first time. How draining.

Femphile_xoxo · Answer

I'll try and talk to them frankly and just tell them to shape up and curb this behavior. I don't deserve to be treated as property, and they're acting like I am. If they argue back or don't try and fix their attitude, I break up with them.

menina · Answer

From what you're saying it seems that he wasn't jealous, he was abusive and manipulative. However I don't know how I would deal with jealously since I've never been in a relationship.

bowenw · Answer

For me it's learning over time what makes the other person jealous and not doing those things.

Valso · Answer

My jealousy isn't like most men's. I won't make scenes or anything like that, I'll just stop talking to her (or him) and it will be up to them to figure it out.
And I've never been a subject of jealousy, so I don't know how I would handle it.

ShaTTeredMasterpeace · Answer

I don't. Jealousy almost always ends up progressing into something more and I don't deal with it.

sheikalana · Answer

I don't get jealous or insecure these days. Me and my partner deeply trust each other. I think the key is to be with someone you can fully trust.

Anonymous · Answer

First, I don’t accept jealousy from a boyfriend. If he is my husband I will calm him down and respect what he wants me to do.  I understand it and I think it’s a legitimate feeling.

GoodGuyBreakingBad · Answer

The only way to handle jealousy is to come out and tell them hey I know your jealous now come on let's get real buddy.

How do you handle jealousy in a relationship?

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