How to deal with this jealousy?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has a female customer. She lives on the other end of the country, so no chance they'd ever meet. They talk movies during work (which is fair, no problem with this as he has to connect and build rapport) My issue is her texting him after hours/weekends. I don't think it's often or even long conversations. But to me she is overstepping boundaries and he feels he has to respond because he is milking her for more sales. He is very driven which I love about him and it benefits our future.

I know she will not be his customer forever, he said she is looking for another job. I can't bring myself to be ok with this. I couldn't be mean spirited about her if I tried, it's not who I am. I feel like I just have to be ok with being uncomfortable because its his job. I don't know what to do.

Updates

11 mo

Edit: I have spoken to him about this before. He is sorry that I am uncomfortable and he has given me reassurance to make me feel better. I don't want to keep bringing up the same thing over and over so I feel like I need to just handle it on my own

[AI Opinion]

Ah, that little green-eyed monster named jealousy sure knows how to stir things up! 😊 Your feelings are entirely valid, and it's important to recognize that acknowledging them is the first step. Your boyfriend's passion for his work is fantastic, but your discomfort deserves attention too. You might try expressing your feelings to him gently. Let him know your perspective, not in a demanding way, but more like a loving nudge. Balance is key here. Your needs are just as important as those next-level sales he's aiming for! Remember, communication is the secret sauce to almost any relationship issue. You've got this! 😉

[IslaTheWitch]

do you trust him?

if yes, then there is no problem, especially if you say it's not long or often...

but if you don't... you have to work on it... insecurities are enemies of any relationship...

[Asker]

I trust him. He even reassured me that if she ever went too far he would say something and put a stop to it. He also assured me when she finds another job and isn't his customer anymore he won't be keeping contact. I don't know her therefore I don't trust her. She knows he has a girlfriend, and she knows that if she messages him at 6pm her time and 9pm where he is.

[IslaTheWitch]

only your boyfriend is responsible for his relationship, not her... so if you trust him, forget about her... if not... work on it

[Asker]

You're right. There is just a nagging part of me that wishes he would put up more boundaries with her because it makes me uncomfortable. But I do need to work on my insecurities.

[chefsam]

Question for you: what job does he have? And what state does she live in and state he lives in? Time difference could explain the times but texting after work hours and on weekends is concerning even if it’s for sales. Definitely talk to him about it. She’s getting too comfortable talking to him anytime of day

[Asker]

It's a commission based sales job. I used to work with him so I understand the industry and the fact that 5pm isn't always when work stops. He has to answer emails afterhours sometimes which is fine. I have talked to him about this a few times. He knows I am uncomfortable with it but he wants to keep rapport and milk her for sales. I think she's getting too comfortable as well, but I feel like I have no choice but to just be ok with it until she is no longer his customer

[chefsam]

But does she know that’s he is in a relationship with you? If she doesn’t, that could explain why she’s getting too comfortable with talking him at random times. You don’t want to be put in a situation where he tells you she’s flying to where you guys are for business and in her mind, it’s business and pleasure. If boundaries aren’t set at the beginning, she could be taking advantage of him knowing he needs the sales and she could use that to manipulate him even tho he’s using her for the money. Some customers don’t keep it professional.

[Asker]

She knows he has a girlfriend. She also has a boyfriend. I know my partners intensions are purely for sales and hers could be too…but I don’t know her. I don’t know if she’s happy in her relationship. If she’s serious with her person. I trust him but not her. My boyfriend told me she seems like a train-wreck. And when she’s not his customer there won’t be any more contact

[chefsam]

Oh ok. Definitely be careful with that. If she’s a train wreck and has found some comfort into talking to your boyfriend, she could become attached; especially if she talks to him about her life besides business

[Asker]

Is it bad that I’m hoping she finds a new job soon? I just want her to not have to less age him anymore and he said she’s looking for a new job.

[chefsam]

It’s not bad. If she gets a new job, she won’t be his customer anymore and that’ll be something you don’t need to worry about anymore. And maybe with a new job, he can focus on his work more and more time with you

[Asker]

That’s true. Well I’m lucky he still prioritizes me, he doesn’t let any friendship with her take away from us (we also live together and spend a lot of time together)
I just know from his point of view he will be worried he will get less business from the company if she isn’t his main contact and that will stress him out