Do you think my chance to have a 2nd (and last) child is still possible or is one good enough?

[Vesuvius87]

I've been married since Sept 20, 2024 and our son was born on May 15 of this year. During our engagement, we had a discussion that two kids (if possible) would be ideal.

We still would like to give our son Kenneth a sibling. It would be great if my 2nd child was a girl but I don't mind if it's another boy. Though realistically, the older we get the lesser the chance of becoming pregnant right away and the risk of birth defect increases.

I know my maternal grandmother had my aunt (her 3rd child and last one) at age 41. That was her 3rd C-section. She's now a healthy grandmother herself. Though not all cases are successful like her. Our boy was born through an emergency C-section as a result of my water breaking. The induction was unsuccessful, my baby's head was too high and he would've contracted infections if they waited more.

Here is the issue:

I went for check-up today. I was informed by the OB and nurse that normally after a C-section, the waiting time to try conceiving again is 3 years as I should let the scar heal. I still feel some numbness in the incision site whenever I touch it. However since I'm already 38 and my husband is 51, they said we can try conceiving after 2 years. I would be 40 years old by then. Even though I got immediately pregnant (for the first time) during our engagement when I was 37 there's still a difference between 37 and 40. I have to admit that apart from the C-section, I never developed any morning sickness. Though not all pregnancies are the same. They told me that due to my age and also the fact that I had a C-section, a 2nd pregnancy would be a high-risk pregnancy for me.

What do you think? Would I still have that small chance for the 2nd and last child (and hope I get lucky with another healthy child) or leave it at just one child?

Updates

9 mo

We would've been able to conceive after a year or less if I would've had a natural birth but it was C-section and that requires a longer waiting timeframe.

[Clear_Skies10]

You just have to listen to the medical professionals, then weigh the pros and cons of the situation. When they say you're "high risk" are they meaning that you could possibly die or get a terrible infection? Those are risks that could affect your first child as well if he lost you. When they say that your 2nd child is higher risk for problems due to your age, is that something you're ready to to handle? You most likely will have a healthy baby and life will go on, but these are the concerns associated with getting pregnant at 40, and so soon after your last C-section. I don't know what you should do. I would suggest at least waiting until your C-section scar heals so you have one less concern in this scenario.

[Vesuvius87]

They mean that I would be at risk of a possible miscarriage, high blood pressure (even though my it's always at 90 to 110 over 60/70), gestational diabetes (even though my blood sugar levels were always mainly in the 90's or late 80's) having a premature baby or having a baby with birth defects.

[Clear_Skies10]

I'm relieved that you have all the information available so you can decide. I honestly don't want to influence you one way or the other. This is possibly one of the most serious and consequential questions I've ever encountered on the internet. I just wish you the best of luck in whatever you decide to do.

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you

[DJB72]

My wife was 45 when our son was born. We used IVF so they could spot any genetic issues. Two implanted and she lost one before the heartbeat was detected. The two weeks. , .. our son was seen on the ultrasound were absolute hell.

She was told the same thing as you. Unfortunately for her gynae my wife was a doctor. The only actual issue would be if they chose to try to do another caesarian a long the same scar - and it doesn't matter if you wait ten years, scar tissue is ALWAYS weaker than the original. I had surgery on my elbow in 1983 and my vascular surgeon still checks it periodically.

If you're going to try for a second baby I'd suggest starting now and looking at IVF as an option so you can have a better chance of a healthy baby. Also, if your husband is already over 50 his swimmers should be checked. Also, think about how old you want to be when they finish education. My son's friends used to think I was his grandfather.

[Vesuvius87]

They recommeded me to wait 2 years to let the scar tissue heal. They did told me about the risk of a possible rupture if we conceive too soon and if my 2nd time were to end being another C-section. Thank you for sharing your story about your wife having your son at age 45. That gives me some hope I'll still make it on time for my 2nd child.

[SphynxUK]

I thought the ideal is 12-18 months before trying again. This is to make sure the scar and womb is properly healed. If your dr suggested longer, it’s probably because of the current rate of healing of your scar and the size etc. Not giving enough time to recovery can lead to problems in pregnancy on top of now being higher risk for due to your age. The risk increases further if you are planning another c section instead of a vaginal birth.


Lastly, I know many women who’ve had children in their early to mid forties without issue.

[Vesuvius87]

The resting period would've been a year or less if I would've given birth vaginally. There would've been less waiting time but it makes a difference when it's a C-section and then age comes into factor too. They want my scar to heal so that way there isn't any risk of ruptures if we ceonceive too soon.

[sage2021]

My son is an only child (I wanted 4, but my husband didn't).
When he was old enough to see that the other kids had siblings and he didn't, he actually thought it was mean that I didn't have brothers and sisters for him and it made a dent in our relationship. To this day he holds it against me like I did it on purpose.
On the other had, my sister was so different from me and we were never close.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm sorry to hear your husband and you couldn't stop to an agreement. If he didn't want 4 but you did, was there a way maybe you guys might have compromise on 2? It can indeed feel pretty lonely being an only child.
I was almost an only child until my young brother was born when I was 15. Needless to say I still didn't feel him like a brother. I actually wanted a sibling when I was much younger and closer in age range, someone I could've spoken too. There were times I have felt my parents were a bit selfish in not giving me a sibling close to my age and waiting too long. By the time I was 15, it wasn't the same as it would've been if I were 15 and had a 13 year-old sibling.

[sage2021]

@Vesuvius87

He left us because he had someone else, so it wasn't because of the number of children we should have.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm sorry to hear he was worthless. Well in the end both you and your child are better off without him. Any parent that abandons their child isn't worthy.

[sage2021]

Thank you for the 😀 💓

[AI Opinion]

As a relationship coach on Girls Ask Guys, my aim is to sprinkle some positivity and love your way! Whether it's one child or two, it's all about creating the love-filled family you desire. Kids are indeed wonderful, but not a necessity to define a happy home. You've had amazing discussions with your partner, so keep that communication flowing! And hey, how inspiring is your grandma's story? No need to rush; love, laughter, and health are what's most important. 💖

[Avicenna]

Sounds like you still have a chance, and if you want a second child, you should definitely try for one. Good luck!

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you

[Avicenna]

You’re welcome!

[D_Bone_Steak]

Since you want a child, I'll assume you can afford one. Just have lots of risky sex and if it happens it will happen. If not though... fuck it. I'm just saying that instead of firmly planning for one or the other, prepare for both outcomes and just enjoy tons of raw dawg sex.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah we would like to have a 2nd child, to give our Kenny a sibling

[Anonymous]

Its possible. You'd have to start right now. Took me a probably a week to get pregnant the first time and a year the 2nd after I came off contraception.

If I were in your situation id go off contraception, screw my husbands brains out regularly and let whatever happens happen.

[Vesuvius87]

They recommended me to let the incision heal for the meanwhile. I was told conceiving too soon can be risky, esp if they have to do another C-section. I would've been able to conceive at a quicker pace if I would've had a vaginal birth.

[byrdman89]

I am not a doctor! But I have never heard of anyone being told to wait one two or three years before trying to conceive after having a baby - my wife was pregnant with our second child within three or four months of giving birth to our first - we did not plan that LOL Mother and babies were all fine - so you might want to check with another OBGYN
** ultimately this decision can only be made by you and your partner ** congratulations on your first child! And good luck in whatever you decide

[Vesuvius87]

That's because Kenny was born through an emergency c-section instead of vaginal birth. Had it been vaginal birth (regardless of my age), then the waiting period to conceive would've been a lot short, a year or less. However, since it's C-section and my age, that makes a difference and puts me on the waitng period of 2 years. They recommened this to avoid risk of possible ruptures if we conceve too early and if my 2nd were to also be a c-section.

[Purpleronnie]

This is not a question I can answer or likely the greatest majority of gag users.


I couldn’t offer any reasons for it against as I’m not relevantly medically trained , nor do o have any lived experience or likely to have

[Vesuvius87]

Understandable.

[jazzy34]

Anything is possible. Take what doctors say with a grain of salt. My mother had my sister at 40 with her tubes tied. Besides my mother, I’ve heard of countless other stories of women post child rearing years having healthy babies. 😊

[Vesuvius87]

Thank you. The only we're going to conceive after 2 years is so the C-section incision heals. If we conceive too soon, I might be at risk of a possible rupture should the 2nd time be a C-section too.

[jazzy34]

I wish you all the best. 😊

[exitseven]

Everyone ages at different rates. If you are active and healthy and are up for the task I do not see a problem, however imaging yourself being in your 60s and still paying tuition for your kids.

[Vesuvius87]

The 2nd sentence is a good point. That's the only obvious disadvantage of being parents later on in life but since we'll still be around seeing them grow up, it's all good. My husband is indeed a very healthy man with no health issue. His cholesterol (117) is even better than mine.

[exitseven]

That is, a good number. I had all my kids before 30. We had 3 kids in 3 years and three months. They grew up together and we got 3 of them through college in 7 years with no debt. It was challenging and there was one year that they all went at the same time and I had to take out a home equity loan but we managed.

[Drumlin2001]

My other half was 41 when our first was born. 42 when our second was born. Both high risk pregnancies but delivered healthy. It's not too late. 2 kids is much harder than 1 though. Be prepared for it.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah we're ready for all the challenges 2 kids would bring. I was told it's not wise to conceive too early because the scar tissue (the C-section incision) has to heal for the meantime, to avoid the risk of ruptures if I were to have another C-section the 2nd time.

[EmmaMary]

@Vesuvius87 As you obviously feel unable to reciprocate my follow request, I have with some regret removed it accordingly.

[Vesuvius87]

I'm back. I didn't know but ok no problem. A child does indeed keeps you busy.

[EmmaMary]

@Vesuvius87

Tell me about it! lol... We have a five year old little boy, and an almost three year old little girl.

[Nikki1989]

There is indeed a chance. Some women give birth much older than you. There are women who gave birth while in their 70s.

[Vesuvius87]

Wow that's definitely very advanced. I'll see how it goes. It would be great giving our son a sibling close to his age, whom he can talk to and go to school with.

[EmmaMary]

@Nikki1989 Really? Seriously I've never seen or read of this ever happening.

[Nikki1989]

@EmmaMary I had to google it to make sure I wasn't just imagining it, but the info is there. 74 was the oldest woman listed.

[EmmaMary]

@Nikki1989 I take it this would surely have to be through IVF.

[Nikki1989]

@EmmaMary With some yes, but surprisingly not all of them.

[EmmaMary]

@Nikki1989 Continuing on with this I've just seen and read of a 59 year old British woman who conceived and gave birth naturally!

So there you are @Vesuvius87 you're still a comparative youngest with every chance in the world... And I wish you all the good luck and fortune in the world. 🤞💕

Sorry @Nikki1989 for charging in on your post. xxx

[Nikki1989]

@EmmaMary It is all good.

[Vesuvius87]

Good afternoon,
I've just searched online and it said the oldest woman that conceived naturally was Dawn Brooke at age 59. Yeah that's a very rare case. Interesting. I don't plan on having anymore kids after the 2nd child though. Two kids is ideal and enough for us.

[Vesuvius87]

@EmmaMary
Thank you. Yeah that 59 year-old woman was definitely a lot older than me. I'm ok with just giving our Kenny a sibling and then stop it there.

[stayorgo]

Well it sounds like you have one already. So you already know what the world is now and so I would say no . But then again don't take my advice. I don't have kids. But I know the world is not a good safe place. Anymore . So do you

[Vesuvius87]

We're ready for the challenge of two kids. We love the idea of our Kenny having a sibling to bond with, to go to school together with, to be closer in age range.

[stayorgo]

What are you nuts do you?\nNot know what's going on with college that garbage. Too much money.
Don't you know there's all kind of wonderful programs for your . Kids to get into that more safe. And they won't have to pay all that intuition. They can be welder's cops. Get your kids into a good program. Save yourself a boat load of money. And your kids can still make a great living

[Jennz6]

You’re getting closer to the age where it is more difficult

[Jennz6]

@Vesuvius87
Your clock ⏰ is ticking

[Vesuvius87]

I know. Ideally, we would've conceived within a year or less but giving birth by an emergency C-section makes a difference than if it had been vaginal. They want me to avoid the risk of undergoing possible ruptures and complications if we conceive too soon. They recommended me to let the scar heal for the meantime.

[Jennz6]

That’s right

[Twalli]

You could get lucky and have a second child, but getting pregnant at 37 was still pretty lucky especially with a 50-year-old man.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah I was so lucky. Even luckier considering that I haven't had sex since I was 20. I went sexless for 17 years and it was really my then fiance's (now husband) first time at the time. His swimmers were great for someone's first time ever and my system was great for a woman that hasn't been sexually active for so long.

[MasterKS]

You still have time couple of years easily, being preggo at early 40's is possible nowadays but your husband also 51 i dont know how good sperms he produce. Plan and go for it.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah when the 2 year-old waiting period gets closer, we'll both do a fertility check-up because even two years can make a difference.

[MasterKS]

@Vesuvius87 wanted to share in person about this a bit, if you allow.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

People on GAG don't know ish. If your doctor told you it's high risk then it's high risk.

[Vesuvius87]

yeah and they told me to wait two years to conceive. They want the scar tissue to heal.

[TheKillerJason]

If you manage exercise diet stress and sleep you’ll get pregnant and have healthy baby no problem. Wish you luck!

[Vesuvius87]

No point. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it's still possible. But don't wait too long.

[Vesuvius87]

We would've conceive within a year or less if it has been vaginal birth. C-section does make a difference.

[Opinion Owner]

Good plan.