Is there a big chance I will become a housewife if we were to get married?

[Anonymous]

I've always been terrified of the housewife life. I'd seriously rather die than be trapped doing housework all day, every day, for decades.

I currently am in an LDR with a guy who's from the other side of the world. We're both over 30, so this is more a question from those of you who have been married or are married.

Mostly due to visa regulations, I've never visited him, but he's visited me 4 times now in a little over 1 year.

Everything has been great so far. He's serious and has mentioned many, many times that he's going to marry me. However, we've decided to be childless and just have a ton of animals and a big garden.

But last night, we were both super tired, and I have 9 cats, some of them with their own special needs. There's a ritual of tidying up, pouring some food into the bowls, cleaning litter boxes, etc. that needs to be done before I can go to bed.

I had started the ritual so we can go to sleep. He was lying on the sofa, on his phone. I asked him to do one thing, and he said "I can't be bothered to move" So for the 45 minutes I got a glimpse of what it would look like if I were his wife: him lying on the sofa on his phone, while I run around the house doing chores by myself.

And this scares me.

Now the thing I don't know is:

1. Is this because it's MY house and he's my guest? So maybe he doesn't know what exactly he should do, and where the things are? If so, he could've asked, and sometimes, when I ask him to do something, I get a comment with an attitude (he's apologized for this, he didn't know the comments turned me off from asking) Will it be different, will he have more sense of responsibility if it were our house together? He's a store manager at a large supermarket chain and he does a good job managing the cleanliness etc. of the store, so I know he's not a slob or lazy.

2. Is this how it's going to be when we're married? The incident last night freaked me out tbh.

I'd be talking about this with my therapist too, but what do you guys think?

[Hardon-Collider]

That's a serious red flag, not a simple question of household rules. It's not about the house; it's about him. You're seeing a core quality of his character. A man's nature doesn't change because he moves into a new place. If a man who manages a large store can't be bothered to move to help with a simple chore in a guest house, he won't magically become a helper in his own home. The fact that he has to be asked, and then gives you an attitude, shows you who he is. You're looking at the physical plane of your relationship, but the real issue is the spiritual one. The physical world is just a reflection of the spiritual. His laziness and lack of initiative is a spiritual quality, a lack of self-sacrifice, that will be a part of your life together. It's not about 'house rules,' it's about the man himself. If he can't do it now, he won't do it later. It's a character issue, and you're right to be scared of that.

[Staximus]

You have 9 cats and a therapist, that's all that needs to be said. You're out of your fucking mind and that has not scared him off yet. Everybody has negative qualities that you have to deal with and he's dealing with your nine fucking cats taking a shit inside and making your house smell like a giant pile of shit.

[Anonymous]

Hey queen gonna be honest with you, I agree on not wanting to be a housewife… wouldn’t do it would rather kms if it meant I didn’t have to.
Second off 9 cats…? Girl… where’d you get all of them and why do you have all of them?
I have a cat of my own so I can’t really say much other than 9

[Asker]

all rescues. They just come to me needing medical help

[AI Opinion]

Sweetheart, sounds like you've got some red flags on this rollercoaster of an LDR journey! 🚩🤔 Your concern is totally valid, and no one wants to feel like a housemaid once hitched. It's essential to communicate openly and set clear expectations with your partner now, rather than later. Talk about sharing responsibilities and how you both envision your future life together before you swap those rings. I mean, a store manager should know how to manage a home, right? 😉 Keep those conversations spicy and transparent – you deserve a partnership, not a one-woman show! 🌟✨

[Anonymous]

Now do you want to hear about the red flags he's likely seeing in you?😆

[zagor]

So why not continue as friends with benefits?

[Asker]

ummmm because it takes 1000 Euros and 22 hours flight to see each other?

[zagor]

OK I guess those benefits would have to be pretty special...