Is it wrong to want to be a house wife?

[Anonymous]

With all this empowering women and everything, it makes it seem like it would be almost going backwards to want to be a housewife. Sometimes I see posts where people talk about how stupid it is and how they're throwing away their life. I don't mind staying home though and if I had kids then a double plus. I would only do it if whoever I married was financially secure and I would have proper schooling for a good job but I don't want to become someone who gets mocked for it. Would it be wrong?

[bamesjond0069]

Stay at home wives are the only kind I would ever make a wife. I want a housewife for a few reasons.

1. Kids. I do not believe in pawning your kids off so they spend minimal time with parents. My parents never put me in daycare and I am very thankful for it.

2. I don't need the money. If you want a financially stable man, a second income is not really very important. The famous joke. Money doesn't buy happiness, I was just as happy when I had 48 million dollars as when I had 50 million! A little extra income will not be worth the effort if you have a successful partner.

3. I am established in my career. Not only do I make money but I can take as much time off as I want. A woman with nobody except the family to worry about can go on a family outing randomly or if before kids go on vacation on a whim. Lets have fun!

4. We don't need two people who get stressed in the house. One is enough. A calm sweet woman can tame the most stressed out man. Try being sweet after a rough day at work though. Nope!

[navyrobin]

I’m guessing that’s why you’re still single and lonely at 31. No woman would want to be a housewife to a complete asshole

[navyrobin]

(And to the people who don’t know what’s going on, he keeps saying in other posts that women belong in the kitchen and that he is free to treat her however the heck he wants). You’re a joke tbh

[bamesjond0069]

@navyrobin you can guess all you want. I had a "house" girlfriend for 9 years and we found out she was unable to have children. She wanted a different kind of life if no children were involved (that i didn't like the sound of) and i still wanted children. So yeah nobody wants that. Smh. I get lots of dates i just want the right girl. I know what the right girl is already so im not going to get with someone who isn't a great fit for me.

[navyrobin]

Let’s see. Your perfect girl is a submissive servant who’s always therefor all your needs and whims. Sounds like the female version of a fucking white knight

[bamesjond0069]

@navyrobin lol where did i say that? My primary reason was for our children. You just like to make things up.

[navyrobin]

I saw your other post where you said women belong in the kitchen. Your memory’s failing dear.

[bamesjond0069]

@navyrobin so what? Surely a stay at home wife would have some sort of duty in the kitchen? Seems obvious to me.

[navyrobin]

Lol. Everyone with half a brain knows that you’re a sexist idiot who needs to look down on a group of people for his self esteem to improve

[mellowman]

Forget everybody else, especially if they are the ones empowered to belittle you.

If you are truly empowered you will make the decision that you find you best for you.

Not my business, not your neighbor's business, it is your business. end of story.

[justanothergalpal]

In English its called "housewife" but in arabic it is called "Queen of the house" being a mother or wife is a full time job that should not be underestimated. Many people respect it except idiotic hypocritical feminist who call for women empowerement and the choice to he what ever she wants yet put her down and defrade her for what she choses saying things like "your so much more than a house wife?" What does that insinuate? Women were created to be care takers loving wne nuturing and it is one of the many thinge that make us beautiful and unique as well as happy. Why is being in touch eith our neighbor making us any less? Why do we have to act like men and get rid of our feminine quality just to be equal to them. We can be who we are naturally and be equal to a man. If it is what makes you happy go for it screw people because one way or another they will always find something to judge and he unhappy about. Do you sweetheart.

[latinabutterfly96]

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife. I mean it. But here’s the thing.

Most men who want a housewife want one for several reasons, mostly:
1. Because they feel like they want to be the utmost authority in the home
2. Because they want to easily control the woman financially. This makes the woman unable to escape a potentially abusive relationship and if she doesn’t have her own money, what on earth will she do?

It is extremely easy for a man with a housewife to abuse this power especially if there’s a prenup/postnup involved.

“I mean sure, until death do us part, but if you dare leave me you’ll leave with nothing.”

(Cont)

[latinabutterfly96]

You don’t really know what your partner is capable of until it’s too late. I’m not saying this WILL happen because my mom was a housewife (a very distant mother though, she only wanted all the stuff to herself too) and my dad was probably the best husband she could’ve had. So if you find someone that’ll honor you and respect you and never threaten you, then there’s nothing wrong with being a housewife (this is gender neutral so this goes for men aspiring to be stay at home dads too).

Another reason why it’s tricky to choose this path is that many men complain about women being able to choose but they can’t. It’s strange but these are the same men who praise housewives.

I believe most adults should be able to leave a potentially abusive marriage independently without having financial matters in the way. That’s all.

[latinabutterfly96]

@bamesjond0069 I don’t know if you deleted your comment but I read it. It’s funny that you act like you’d be a good husband to your wife. Weren’t you the same man who kept saying that he could treat a woman however he wanted with no consequence, and that her place was in the kitchen? You’re funny aren’t you. You reinforce my point times 1000. Thank you!

[bamesjond0069]

I didn't delete it. You or the asker did I would guess. You do know sometimes I like to push people buttons if you read my other posts. And yeah. A housewife place is in the kitchen. ;) I don't think too many housewives would disagree or complain about someone saying that in good fun.

[bamesjond0069]

reposted it as a solo answer below somewhere if you wanted to reply to it direct.

[latinabutterfly96]

@bamesjond0069 You have no idea how much you’re helping my exact viewpoint. You say you want a housewife yet you also believe you’d treat her however you like. Do you think that encourages women to make such incredibly life-changing decision? To put her life in danger? Yeah, no thanks.

[Brand6n95]

I don't think you can claim that's the main reasons men want a housewife, as you are not a man so cannot speak his intentions. Me personally, not saying I want a housewife either, would want a housewife to make sure she doesn't have to worry about the stresses of the workplace or feel forced to do anything she didn't want to do so she has free time to invest what she wants to. It would also be practical having a housewife if their were a child involved but that could be a stay at home dad too, whoever earns the most - in my opinion. Loose statements claiming to know what men want are damaging because it spreads the idea that it is fact, creating adversity for a guy with different intentions to the ones you stated above.

[latinabutterfly96]

@Brand6n95 I think many men cherry pick the negative things I’ve said (to them) and leave out all the other stuff. I said that it’s not always the case because IF her husband honors and respects her, then it’s okay to be a housewife. If he abuses his power then it isn’t. I don’t see why so many men were offended by that (I mean, in this app men are offended by practically anything really.)

[latinabutterfly96]

Also I mentioned that this topic is gender neutral, as there’s lots of men who want to be stay-at-home dads and it’s perfectly okay as long as his wife doesn’t abuse her power.

[octopusrebellion]

Completely disingenuous to say "most men" - a TINY fraction of men feel that way. Men, as with MANY women, like clearly defined roles. Gives you something to be good at and focus on which complements your partner. Nothing wrong with that.

[Armourdillo]

I see what your saying. I wouldn't look for a housewife, but if that's what my partner wants and it fits out lifestyle then I 100% will support her. If she wants to work, or work part-time I'm there every step of the way.

I don't think there's anything wrong with women wanting to be housewives, it's no less "meaningful" than a 9-5. But like you outlined, there are connotations to it in this day and age and exploitation by men with large egos.

[Lish89]

I agreed 100%. I have lots of education and always was financially independent. When I finally got pregnant with my miracle baby after seven years of no success, my spouse turned abusive and money controlling. Even with me getting maternity and child tax, he said he made the money so I got no access to it and locked me out of our bank. So I opened my own and transfered all my mat leave and child tax to my own account and left a horrible situation. It happens hun. Be careful.

[latinabutterfly96]

@Lish89 You’re very strong. I admire you for that. It definitely happens, some people just don’t want to see it. And it happens a lot more than they think.

[nathanp97]

As some who had a stay at home mom, I'd have to disagree with your first point. My mom controlled the house. Why do you think men always want a man cave; it is because women get control over most if not all of the house, and men just want a place to themselves. I'd also disagree with the second point, because prenups get thrown out all the time, and men suffer the most from this. They are the ones loosing everything. You can't really say the woman can't leave when they are the ones who mainly initiate divorces. + if you can prove an abusive relationship you can get any agreement thrown out. Alimony should only last about a year; after that if she can't make a living on her own it is her own dam fault.

Women almost always leave with everything, even the house and kids. Every marriage I've ever seen had the woman be emotionally abusive and controlled the house. Except for one where the guy was physically abusive, but he had no money so no one could really get anything

[latinabutterfly96]

@nathanp97 Like I said this goes for stay at home dads as well. You men really need to read my entire comment instead of having false assumptions lmao.
And why do you think females initiate the divorces in most cases? Because it’s mostly her being wronged. But this is a different topic.

[nathanp97]

Yes, I read the whole thing, but the stay at home dads are irrelevant to my point as there are so few of them. It is often the women who have the control at home and it is often the women who keep everything when they leave.

The men that want stay at home wives want what their parents had and they may not know how to cook and clean, or they really don't want to do it. It has very little to nothing to do with your points.

[latinabutterfly96]

@nathanp97 That’s your opinion and I’ll respect it. I expect you do the same to mine. Thanks

[Gopnik]

my only reason for wanting such a woman would be because i'd rather me run the risk of fucking dying on the job than her, granted she can do other jobs but for the main source of money i'd say i'll do the hard work you do side jobs, of course in the beginning when you're cramped on money you can both work, that's only smart but when you get kids it becomes a whole different thing.

[mellowman]

guys with that attitude are actually weaklings

[Wonderer89]

I don’t think there is anything wrong with it, everyone has their own ideal life to reach for and everyone finds fulfilment in different things. If being a housewife is where your happiness is then the only person who has to be ok with it is you and your husband.

However, I think everyone needs to have some kind of skill and experience (or come from money) to be completely self sufficient should the need ever arise. People change, situations change and many, many housewives have found themselves with nothing. Husbands die, marriages fail, if he has an accident and is permanently disabled the responsibility is then shifted etc.

[weasley8]

Absolutely not. If people tell you that there's something wrong with it, or that it's somehow going backwards, then they've completely misunderstood feminism, and everything that it stands for. It's about giving women the right to choose what they want to do with their lives. If you want to be a house wife, than more power to you. I honestly don't think it sounds that bad either. I'm going to teach, so I'm going to have a job, but part of the reason I like the idea of teaching is that the schedule works so well for parents. You're home at the same times your kids are. It sort of allows me to also do home keeping things.

[englisc]

There's nothing wrong with it, it's just that feminism has convinced women that it's a bad thing. Look at the negative answers - they're always about how the man wants to control the woman in that situation, control her financially, he might become abusive etc. All negative assumptions towards the men, all based on the idea that if a man wants a stay at home Wife it must be for some evil reason. This is precisely why feminism gets the reputation for encouraging hatred of men, or at least mistrust, and it's feminism that has taught those women to view it this way.

[Purpleronnie]

What you want to do with your life is entirely up to you , nobody really has the right to tell you it’s a waste. Being at home raising a family is in my opinion certainly more rewarding than trying to hold down a career whilst doing the same. All I would say is not to pin everything on this one future. Life has a way of throwing you all sorts of curveballs that challenge the choices you make. Having the relative luxury of being able to raise kids providing all they’re needs whilst being financially sound is a challenge for most couples but certainly not impossible. Good luck though :)

[PressOn]

I kinda frown on all the "do what you want" comments. Being the best person you can should be your goal until you meet that right person. When that time comes things could change & those choices will be between you two. I personally wanted my wife home at all cost to raise our kids the way we believe to be best. Not some daycare worker who has different beliefs & a number other kids. I worked as many as 3 jobs so she could stay home. And she did a wonderful job.

When you start taking on responsibilities, you'll realize doing what you want is less & less your choice. Having children is very demanding & they'll need love & nurturing. But the joy they bring is unmatched. Of course, they can also bring heartache. There is so much in life that is unpredictable.

To answer your question about listening to feminist, our culture has gotten so muddied by twisting the norm. Don't be afraid of the simple & always choose what seems right & moral.

[Anonymous]

You are not going to get mocked, despite all the feminism going on nowadays I have to say that a woman gotta do what she thinks is right for her and what suits her, as a person you have the right to live your life however you want, a house wife, a working woman, anything you like.

Why do you think you will get mocked? Think of it that way, you will be a person who chose to stay home and raise her kids well, instead of going out and work, you will be someone who chose to take care of their house and husband, you're devoted for your family.

It's pretty that you want to be a housewife, I'm against it if you were forced into being one, but since it's your choice, do your thing, woman!

My mother is a housewife, my friends' parents are mostly housewives so yeah, it's not a bad thing! It's a pretty thing! ❤

[fantasticass]

When I was your age I didn't want to be a housewife, but a girlfriend of mine did. She got married at 18, had 5 babies and decided to stay home and be a housewife. She loved staying home and raising her kids. She has been married for over 35 years, and is truly one of the best mom's you will ever meet 😊😊

[Diana7]

It's not wrong but a lot of men these days can't afford it and/or they don't want the responsibilities that their fathers and grandfathers had to their women and we wonder why the divorce rate is so high! Men these days want as much pleasure as they can muster with as little responsibility as possible. It isn't entirely their fault given the economy but for me a man looking for a strong independent career woman is a codeword for a man who wants to take from a woman, use her for free sex and have no deeper obligation to her in this life. Real men are traditional in my opinion. It's depressing. I would have loved to be a housewife and think I am particulary suited to being the feminine counterpart to a man but the social conditioning has been a success and now they expect women to virtually the same as them in all things.

[bamesjond0069]

Hey for us high earning traditional men you dont know how difficult it is for us to find true traditional girls to date. I literally have had girls working as waitresses tell me off how its their job and they love it and dont dare expect them to stop and they will never be a stay at home housewife. Its nuts. That income can't even support putting kids in daycare! Common sense out the window.

[Diana7]

@bamesjond0069 yeah well traditional men are a needle in a haystack..

[bamesjond0069]

I bet. Its so sad, i see some of these men and they are pathetic. I hung out with a guy the other day and later discovered he shaves his legs because girls love it and how he has a weird dream of marrying a district attorney (female lol i have to keep it clear) and a bunch of other nonsense. Suffice to say we will not be friends.

[nathanp97]

So it is wrong to value equality? 🤔 + most men can't afford a one family income. It is better if both work because you can afford more things for your kids and a divorce won't be as financial taxing as it often is (especially with the high divorce rate)

[Diana7]

@nathanp97 but maybe the fact both are working and stressed out and the gender distinction is lessened because of that ie. he seems less masculine to her as he has little power in his life is half the reason for the divorce rate? She feels unfeminine and he feels unmasculine. They’re both just worker drones and that puts a strain on the relationship. Inherently they just don’t have the fulfilling relationship of their grandparents where both parties needs are met in the deepest sense. We have tampered with gender identity so much and feminism has created false needs in place of nature itself and now there is much tension and discord in their relationship because of this toxic ideology 🤷‍♀️

[bamesjond0069]

@nathanp97 why do you equate equality to doing the same things? Why wouldn't you just assume both roles are equally important? So weird.

Who cares about most men? Women who know their worth should be looking for an exceptional man. Men who are not there yet should stop goofing around and work harder.

Im well off and im never spoiling my kids. Thats how your raise entitled pieces of shit. So even if i wasn't as well off that extra money is not going to the kids.

Lastly if you're already planning for divorce you have no business being married in the first place. Obviously marriage is a casual commitment to you, not an unbreakable promise before God.

[nathanp97]

Bames, I'm not equating it to doing the same thing, feminists and other want equality in practically every aspects, so they have to get it in this one too.

Women who think they know their worth are the ones who end up alone and single. There isn't enough high paying jobs for men to all be sole providers.

It isn't about spoiling your kids it is about being able to put something under the tree on Christmas, pay their medical fees without having to withhold treatment because you can't afford it and putting some money away in case they choose to go to college. That where the money needs to go, and most men can't make that much without other assistance. How can you expect guys to all make more than minimum wage and have no women work and have the economy not fall apart.

[nathanp97]

It about planning for divorce; it is about planning for the worst case scenario. Most marriages fail and the majority happen after the last kid leaves the house. Why not protect yourself from that? Why should your life be ruined because a women you thought loved you took all your money?

[bamesjond0069]

@nathanp97 no women who end up alone aren't looking for a quality man, they are just using it as an excuse to sleep around. Everyone knows quality men and women are not typically found at a club at 1am. And if you really think they are you are a dummy.

[nathanp97]

I agree with you on that, but my point still stands. If you ever watch some episodes of Steve Harvey you will see what I mean. The women seem to over value themselves and expect this amazing guy. They end up single, alone and on the Steave Harvey show😂.

[bamesjond0069]

@nathanp97 true but they aren't quality women in the first place they are bottom of the barrel so almost any value they give themselves is over valued. Lol.

[c-rane]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife. I don't think the issue is women being housewives, but women being expected to be housewives. The great thing is that now women have a choice. If your choice is to be a stay at home mom, that's totally fine. The point is that you shouldn't let others make your life decisions for you.

[CubsterShura]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a housewife and being a housewife. ❤️ It can be a great choice depending on the people and their circumstances.

Be sure that you are at least capable/qualified of a decent job when you ever need it, though. You don't wanna drop education early or have no skill and later end up in such financial troubles that you might have to do things that you never wanted to do. Just saying. I feel like if I don't say this I'll be harming your future.

[pootytangg]

You can still be a housewife and be empowered. Running a household by yourself is a job only for the strong and willing. You're not considered any less or more if you're a housewife or a working mother. People have their opinions and that is okay. However, don't let their opinions dictate what you do in your life. That is where I stand on being a housewife. I hope my prospective was helpful.

[EricCK]

This'll be a long answer, sorry... :$ But it's a good one so yea

Okay I watched a bunch of documentaries on this. And took a Sociology of Human Sexuality class so know a bit about the issue
In general, women, in United States, that have children don't have as many opportunities as their working spouse.
In general, if a woman starts to work while mothering a child, there will be a wage gap as opposed to men, specifically because the child would limit time the woman can work and make things a little complicated. It is partially because of sexism and stuff, like women earning $0.70 of every $1.00 men earn. But it's mostly the issue having to do with the time management while juggling a baby.
If you have Netflix I encourage you to watch the "Gender Wage Gap" episode on the Netflix show, "Explained."

[TacocaT6969]

I also like the idea of being a housewife.

My boyfriend works his hands to the bone. The idea of being home all day to make sure he comes home to a clean house, hot food and affection makes me happy.

Forget what anybody else thinks, it’s not their life.

[Blackbrowny]

Ok it would definitly not be anything for me, but i would say the most important thing is wether or not your husband is fine with it. at least i never meet a boy that would be fine with having a wife that stays home all day and doesn't have any own income at all.

[SkipStop]

You don't have to follow what society tells you.
It's your life. You just have to make choices that are legal. There is nothing illegal about wanting to be a housewife. Feminists can scream as loud as they want. You should not change your wants and beliefs because of them or anyone else. I would love a housewife because I believe traditional gender roles with some flexibility is the best way for us to survive. It's biological. And it has been proven ever since the first humans on earth.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get why so many are ONLY looking for women who want to be housewives. Just because they work doesn’t mean she’ll leave her family behind and it doesn’t affect her children necessarily. My girlfriend and I both are in law school and we’re both striving to be lawyers. There’s nothing wrong with that. She supports my dreams and I support hers. I’m not going to tell her to get in the damn kitchen and be on her knees all day cleaning my house while I make the money and spend it however I want. That’s not a team at all, that seems like a dictatorship.

[ImJustCurious13]

I don't get why feminists do that, it's like:

Feminist: Women should be empowered and do and be whatever they want with their lives.

Generic Woman: OK, in that case I want to be a housewife.

Feminist: NO, DON'T DO THAT!!! YOU'LL BE A PART OF THE PATRIARCHY YOU DUMB BITCH!!!

Generic Woman: I thought I could do and be whatever I want.

Feminist: You can, as long as I agree with what you want to be.

[latinabutterfly96]

It’s funny. I’m considered a feminist, but I didn’t do any of what you mentioned. Strange how our ideas are completely wrong sometimes right?

[navyrobin]

@latinabutterfly96 In all honestly, your opinions are mostly extremely reasonable. And as a feminist myself I applaud you for that. But there are some feminazis who really do say what he’s saying, and then the rest of us get a bad rap for it.

[latinabutterfly96]

@navyrobin take a look at what the females have said in this thread. Literally 100% of them have supported the idea of a woman choosing the path she wants.

[navyrobin]

@latinabutterfly96 Yeah true. Many men just create this illusion that lots of women are against them when there’s probably zero.

[The1Guy]

The home is a womans kingdom, where she is in control, happy and fulfilled.

I am not being sexist. Today it's all too often necessary for women to work.

But don't let confused ideologists take you away from what feels (and is) natural.

You will find yourself feeling like you've wasted your life if you don't follow your heart not other people.

[OldSchool_Metalhead]

When i was very little my mom worked at a Macy's for about a year. But felt she couldnt because she wantes to be home and be with me. Some moms can handle juggling kids and work but some can't. And there's nothing wrong with being a stay at home mom :)

[ZestyWatermelon]

I think if thats what you want to do, its a great decision. There are a lot of women who still prefer being stay at home and thats dsfinitely okay.
I feel the womem empowerment thing should focus more on being excited about the choice you have to work rather than making women feel like they're throwing their life away if they choose a more "traditional" type of role in the home.

[Johnjohnny]

U seen to have your head screwed on: u tought it through! I an mist men would stay at home if there better half could earn enough to keep thing right! Most people think the one that earns most should work and the other stay at home if possible! Where it goes wrong is when money is to tight to mention: then it all falls apart! When money goes: love follows, with the strain! Well done for thinking ahead! Xoxo

[Clo917]

No, it isn't wrong at all. It's your life and if it works for your future relationship, that's great. Aren't they trying to empower women to make whatever choice they want for their life anyway? If you want to be a housewife, then that's your choice and you shouldn't be belittled for it by anyone.