My boyfriends boys are disgusting?

[Anonymous]

So they both have some level of autism. The little one is 7 years has not gone to school yet and is non-verbal. My boyfriend gave me the okay to discipline them but the boy just doesn't listen. I gave him milk yesterday and he spit it out on the corner of the living room. I was so frustrated because their room already smells bad. I know I should have known better then to date a guy with kids because I don't know if I can last let alone move in with him, because he talks about the future. I'm just disgusted with his boys and overall annoyed. I like my home it is nice and clean

[Finchie40]

You are probably best to dump him , for the simple fact that he is expecting you to parent his kids’ and that’s not your responsibility whatsoever, I am a single parent and my kids’ are My responsibility , if my kids’ were harassing my girlfriend or making her life a living hell , I would step in and put a stop to it , it’s not her responsibility to raise and discipline my kids whatsoever. I would never expect a girl that I am dating or in a relationship with, to take any responsibility for my kids’ whatsoever, I dated girls’ that had kids’ as well and I made it clear to her that her kids’ are her responsibility, not mine , I will be polite and friendly to them but I am not their parent whatsoever, so if your partner doesn’t understand that, then i suggest you leave him and eventually find someone else that respects you and understands you

[Asker]

This made so much sense thank you. I needed to hear this, I guess it is okay not to parent them, I just got very frustrated that day but I think what frustrates me the most is that he is 7 and he is not in school yet, I am tired of bringing it up and asking him when does he start school. Like something so important and he is so behind and non-verbal. The boy has so much energy and needs to get stimulated

[Twalli]

They're not disgusting, they're autistic. You aren't able to or equipped to deal with autistic kids, that's fine. It's incredibly difficult. However, if you really want it to work with your boyfriend, take some classes on how it is to have autistic kids in your life.

[AvaRay]

Honestly, if I were in your shoes..

My first feeling wouldn’t be disgust, it would be compassion..

They’re kids, some with special needs, n they didn’t choose any of this..

If it were me, I’d want to understand them, support them, n be patient as they grow..

To me, loving someone means embracing all parts of their life, the easy n the challenging..

If I couldn’t handle it, I’d step back early, giving space for someone who can..

Discomfort or judgment doesn’t serve anyone..

True care sees beyond surface frustrations n notices what really matters..

[Genie23]

I can understand that you're frustrated and overwhelmed, but you need be patient with the kids. Some children are easy to guide and care for, while others need more time and understanding. The fact that they're autistic can make things more challenging at times, but you've got to remind yourself that those kids aren’t being difficult on purpose. They’re just learning in their own way. They will get there, but it will take time, consistency and empathy. If patience isn’t your strength and you’re not comfortable around children, then maybe that man isn't the one for you.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the delicate dance of stepping into a relationship with an already assembled family. 🎭 Your feelings are understandable, but patience and empathy are crucial here. Autism can make discipline tricky, and communication is key with your boyfriend. 🤝 Perhaps open a dialogue about your concerns, focusing on harmony and understanding each other’s needs. If it's too overwhelming, it might be time to reassess the relationship's trajectory. Make sure you're clear about your boundaries and what you can realistically handle. Keep your home blissful and heart happy, lovely! 💖

[Stevepro68]

Seems like the kids and him need to move on this will never change for you and if you lack the ability to stand up for yourself hopefully he will do it for you. Otherwise I worry for those kids.

[jahaims]

You need to move on. You are not ready for that responsibility

[Abbycado]

Alright. What's the question?

[Asker]

How do I discipline someone else kids?

[Abbycado]

Have you asked him how he does it? That would be my first stop for info. Maybe point out some examples that have happened and ask him how he would have reacted.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need another boyfriend.