I have no relationships/friendships, is that normal?

[Anonymous]

I (23) other than family have no relationship or friendships.
in the past I have been used by my “friends” or they ended up cutting everyone out once they got a boyfriend and come back to me once there boyfriend is out of town or they break up. And I won’t be the fall back friend, and when I do have friends it just feels like so much work to go and hang out with them. Maybe it’s the fact that Its just been me for almost 2 years now but geez asking me to hang out at 10pm is just not it for me.

relationship wise, with all the things I’ve seen in my “friends” relationships and peers. Guys scare me. The constant “need” for sex, is just what throws me away from a relationship. I don’t want a guy who makes me feel like the relationship is just me clocking into work to preform for him. I should also want to have sex with him, not just him wanting it and now I have to decide if I want to be unhappy and give it to him or if I decide to not do it and he’s upset.
now I know there are good men, but they are all married or in long term relationships heading there.
or maybe it’s just that god intended for me to be alone.

[jennifer_bloom]

If you want good friends, you are most likely not going to have a lot of friends, unless they are purely job and networking friends. Or if you know these people at only a surface level, or if it is a place of worship, where it is possible to connect with large groups at a higher level.

I know people who have 40 times more friends then me but I see their friends treating them like complete trash in front of me and I also see their friends treating others like total trash as well.

If you have only a few good friends, you can have incredible relationships and connections with those friends, and if you have too many friends, you might have to sacrifice other goals to achieve that status.

I hated going to parties in my 20s unless it was a party of graduate professionals and educated people, because the people at the parties had bad personalities and toxic personalities. And I mean these were parties with other U of T graduates, with jobs and church attendance, not parties, with thugs or drug dealers. These mid level success people still had bad personalities and I hated socializing with that crowd.

[QuineJessica]

This is very sad. You should probably just change your surroundings by moving to another city

[QuineJessica]

By the way, if you want, we can be friends 😊

[RavVid]

Hmmh.

I think you have to be understanding when a friend is bonding with a boyfriend/girlfriend. It can be a quite intense process. From my perspective girlfriend girlfriends have been jealous and set themselves up in opposition to me. If you are counter to the boyfriend it will be natural for the boyfriend to be counter to you.

It is really much better if you are an ally to the relationship.

Yes, guys generally have a much greater appetite for sex than girls. There are good evolutionary reasons for this. Mostly because human females chose to hide estrus.

We really do take willingness to have sex with us as love for us and the inverse as well. It is a very important part of the pair bonding. Most girls are pretty willing during the bonding phase.

I am not sure what to say on this. I feel you might feel unwillingness, and that sex is a chore, because you are not feeling a rush for him.

[Asker]

Everyone has different outlooks on things regarding relationships. I won’t sleep with a guy until I trust him. I’m unwilling because of that, I’ve noticed that the girls who are pretty willing are the same girls who sleep around or mothers encouraged it. But that’s my opinion on it, a man has to be important and trustworthy to me before I give myself to him.
The reason I asked this question is because of concern from my parents/siblings regarding my friendships/relationships, I myself am content with being alone just based off of how I’ve been used and thrown to the side by “friends” and the fact that (based off of what I’ve gathered from answers here and Reddit) is that men just want sex and that’s the only way they feel “loved”.
I’m sorry but if not being willing to have sex as soon as we start dating is me showing I’m not “interested or liking the guy” then so be it. I’m not easy and I won’t give virginity to a man because it’s the only way he feels loved.
Regarding the part of it feeling like a chore, since men take willingness to have sex as love. If I don’t want to have it then they think I don’t love them? So in order for him to feel loved I would have to have sex with him even if I don’t want to? That’s when it’s a chore, now I’m doing something I don’t want to do, so realistically it would be a job. I’m not sure if you’ll understand where I’m coming from.
Regarding friendships, I understand them wanting to “bond” but when they only message me when their boyfriend is out of town? Or when they take a break? When they break up? When they get cheated on? It’s just being thrown on the back burner and I’m not okay with that.
Also I’ve noticed guys my age think they are owed sex everytime they want it, I don’t want that. I should want to do it, not feel like I have to.

[RavVid]

Facebook friends aren't friends. Most friends are actually acquaintances and real friends are few. It is not as if you can't enjoy acquaintances but they do come and go. Mostly I was using "friends" in a truer sense. Sounds like the people who put you down and pick you up at a convenient time were more acquaintances.

Acquaintances are fine but maybe not expect them to be around for ever.

Good for you that you regard sex the way you do. Again I was off to the side of you and it was more aimed at sex in a relationship. I wasn't suggesting you should make lot of men feel loved but a chosen man..

What I was saying in regard to a chosen man is true. It is true we feel entitled to sex as her chosen man but love is tightly twined around this too.

Evolutionarily women only needed to want sex shortly before they ovulate to have maximum children. Since men don't know when a woman is about to ovulate they need to want sex everyday or at least every 2 - 3 days to have maximal children. There is a good basis for a gender disparity in sexual appetite though real life is not that simple.

Behaviorally when a woman is bonding with us she is just as eager to have sex as we are. That is when we really feel love from her. As the bonding progresses the impulse to sex reduces in both the guy and girl but it does seem to reduce faster and deeper for the girl.

That's when we start thinking if she did love me then she would want sex too. And also if she loved me then why wouldn't she want to please me after all I do for her? There are no good answers to that for us.

You haven't chosen a man yet. I feel concerned for you that you view sex as a chore and just want to represent how we view it.

[Asker]

Yeah maybe being loved isn’t for me.

[Asker]

I think I’m just going to stay away from men relationship wise from now on. Or more so relationships in total, this is just too much

[RavVid]

I wasn't trying to convince you of that! But not participating is becoming my attitude.

Leave yourself open to it I suggest. You only need one suitable.

[Berethor]

Yea you should not be in a relationship if you are not willing to keep your guy satisfied.

[Asker]

Girl anyways. Notice how the question is completely different than what your answer is?
If you gonna answer someone question with an opinion maybe use the 38 year old brain you have and actually give an answer regarding the question, like everyone else. Your the only one mentioning sex.

[Asker]

Also it’s not my job to keep a man satisfied, sorry not sorry.

[Asker]

Also do not comment again.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the age-old question of relationships and friendships! I’m here to spice it up a bit and unravel those knots. You're definitely not alone in this crisis. It's normal to feel disenchanted by flaky friends or those lovebombers. 💔 Your hesitation with guys is valid—relationships should be mutual love fests, not chore-filled affairs. Love should make you giggle, not groan. It's cool to take a break, but don't shut the door entirely—once you're comfy in your own fabulous skin, connections can naturally blossom. They say there's a shoe for every foot, so the perfect one for your heart might just be having a coffee around the corner! 😊

[Nikki1989]

That is not normal at all.

Do something about it. Loneliness kills.

[seeyounexttuesday]

No it isn’t normal. Fix it.

[Asker]

I’m not sure how to fix it.

[seeyounexttuesday]

There are activity groups in your town. Run clubs, gaming clubs, sports clubs, churches, etc. Get involved with one that interests you.

[Asker]

Unfortunately those things don’t do much, as the town I live in the people my age still enjoy making fun of people who are black

[seeyounexttuesday]

So you have created a mean version of these people in your head so you can be mean to yourself. Got it.

[Asker]

Um no. I get called blackie, monkey, the er and etc in the clubs that I used to be in and the newest club that I joined… it’s not something I’ve created. It’s something I’m currently living through.
Personally I have no reason to call myself those things so I’m not sure how exactly I’m being “mean” to myself, so if you don’t mind explaining that?
The town I live in still has ex-kkk members that have confederate flags hung up..

[seeyounexttuesday]

No you don't.

[Asker]

If that’s what you think. Then that’s what you’ll believe.
But I’m the one that lives it, not you. And I won’t try and make you believe that I live this life, cause you won’t be the one living in my shoes. So have a good night/day.

[seeyounexttuesday]

Weird you'd live in such a hostile place.

[Asker]

My mother got a job offer where we currently live 8 years ago that paid way better, we still live here because my brother is finish out his last year of high school and my mother has cancer.
So living here wasn’t anything relating to wanting to.

[seeyounexttuesday]

hmmm... so everyone else is the issue.

[Asker]

Regarding friendships I’d say yes the community I live in, is at fault due to the racism. But the thing regarding relationships id say is my fault just as much as the communities. I’m having to try and weed out the guys who aren’t going to name call me/bring up my race when angry. Also like stated in the details, I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who wants me to take my clothes off for him the minute we start dating. I’m not someone who will have sex the minute I’m in a relationship. My body isn’t to be given to a man who hasn’t gained my trust or my love.

[wkhan_87]

There are strong chance of depression for you