Why do guys only change after losing the girl they really liked?

[Anonymous]

It just hurts sometimes when you see them doing everything you wanted and changing or improving their ways but only after you’ve parted ways. Now, they’ll be an improved version for another woman. Just wish that they had done that for you or while we were still a part of each other’s lives. They also somehow find a way to justify you leaving them or vice versa and making you the villain when all you wanted was clarity and really liked him too.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

A mediocre man’s ultimate goal in a heterosexual relationship is to find, create, and cement a comfort zone where the only chores or acts he “has to do,” aka feels obligated to do, are the ones he would have done anyway, meaning having a woman do everything else he refuses to do is essential to that lifestyle. They only put in effort to make sure they have the woman and use that time to convince her to stay long enough that she’ll be willing to do those chores, ie laundry, cooking, cleaning, all the stuff he doesn’t know how to do because he never bothered to learn. When a woman is smart enough to catch on to the fact that he’s trying to make her a mommy substitute that he’s allowed to fuck whenever he wants and leaves, that’s when he takes all of her criticisms and applies them in the hopes of making the next girl stick around long enough to be cemented into that exact position. I wouldn’t worry too much about him, he’s only doing it because he knows he’s worth nothing if he’s not a father and husband. You, on the other hand, are worth much, much more.

[Nikki1989]

You know the lyric, “You don't know what you got until it's gone.”

Cheesy lyric but accurate just the same.

[ohsheeT]

Well to be honest they dont even change. After that

Some get worse

But the guy who does put effort into change it's because whatever it was that he was doing it, just not him and he knows that.
So he has to do what he has to do.
To become the man he want to be

[BonzoInBitburg]

Some women can bring out the best in a man and some women drag a man down. The saying "behind every good man is a good woman" means that a successful man often has a supportive partner whose help, encouragement, and sacrifices contribute to his achievements.

[AI Opinion]

If only guys came with a manual, right? Sometimes, losing someone special makes people realize what they need to change. It’s like your absence is a big wake-up call. Annoyingly, they might become a dream partner for someone else, but remember, it’s not about you being a villain. It’s about their own growth, even if it’s tardy. Finding someone who appreciates your worth without delay is truly the ultimate prize. Dust off that crown, girl! You deserve clarity and someone who knows it from the start. 😎💔

[Summeroflove]

Number one you cannot make someone change. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be and some people just realize that a relationship is draining them. It may not have even been your fault just not meant to be just cut your losses even though breakups hurt. It’s better then stringing you along in a dead end relationship.

Not everyone makes someone else the villain unless they genuinely were. For narcissists nothing is ever their fault. But you have to ask if their change is genuine or…. They are in a new relationship and trying to impress someone new rhey way he did with you. I don’t know him. Maybe he’s good maybe he’s bad.

The relationship is over. It’s not your responsibility anymore. You’re not over him and it’s okay to grieve. Allow yourself to. Eventually you’ll move on and find someone new.

[Anonymous]

Because they realize that girls either lied to them or were not telling them the full truth. They don’t want nice guys. They want a guy that they are attracted to that is nice. And as much as they say they don’t care for bad boys, they will always be drawn to date a guy with toxic traits that is attractive, over a guy that doesn’t and/or isn’t.

In your case, the guy is just on his heroes journey… he was giving you a chance and you didn’t take it, and now he’s realized that maybe he still wasn’t good enough to get what he wants.

Men are on a constant path of self-growth, that’s what women don’t understand. We can do a lot to better ourselves, in the span of a week, month, or year, over a lifetime. Women are largely products of their genetics. Your worth is measured by the way you look and treat people. We have a LOT of good men out there nowadays that are not getting a fair shake. By women, by employers… it’s this constant uphill, often times discouraging grind. We don’t get things coming to us all the time, opportunities just landing in our lap. Your guy is just in that spot right now. He’s faced more adversity in your situation and he’s come to terms with the fact that he needs to grow.

But was he good enough for you? Sounds like you’re not giving him enough credit or grace knowing now that yes, he CAN continue to grow and improve (which is pretty typical).

Guys want what they want, now… not later. They want to BUILD a life with a great woman, during her best years, when he catches the feelings and she’s around. Woman are not willing to do this anymore in these modern times and I don’t understand why. I do actually… it’s about hypergamy and the amount of options social media has granted them. They sit in the finish line and go with the winners and your guy is still very much on that grind. MOST guys are. And unfortunately most of us will never be the tech exec / celebrity / athlete / race car driver / influencer that you want. It’s just the way it is.

I’d would just check your expectations if I were you, especially if you’re feeling this regret of letting him go. Speaking from my experiences within the broader male experience, I don’t think you’re giving him enough grace.

[OneViewpoint]

Because a lot of people, men and women, lack the mental capacity for introspective thought and self directed change. They can never see the train coming at them. They will never accept blame. Until some external event that is catastrophic "enough" forces them to reexamine their life, their values, and their choices. Then, maybe, they will choose to do something to change themselves. Or they sink further down the rabbit hole they have dug for themselves.

That trait is prominent in at least half the population. Look at MAGA. Look at Incels. Look at Karen's.

[HighValue]

It is actually the opposite. Many women go by the phrase, "If you don't want me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Except she is often fat, lazy, argumentative, and selfish and wants the man to accept her and her low quality.

The majority of men tend to stay the same as they were when they first entered the relationship (most, not all), but the majority of women get far worse, especially after marriage when they know they can steal from the man if things end.

[Crankor]

The unfortunate thing is that usually is how it ends up (not including the people who think nothing is wrong with their behavior or actions) . It seemed to me that maybe its because one, the frustration of the times you talked about the irritating things add up and change how a person views the relationship. Like when someone comes across as nagging even if they have a perfectly good argument or what not, the emotional frustration is easy to cause someone to be dismissive rather than humble enough to consider it at the time.

The other being they now have time to really reflect on the things that were brought up and see that yah, maybe those traits or actions woukd not leave a good impression and wanting to usually be the best of themselves they can.

[Shy_Steve]

Because we think that it is working up until it isn't and we know that it's over.

It's like with anything if you realise that it has ended you try to re-evaluate it then determine what is wrong and try to fix it.

The Bigger question is why Women don't do that when they end a relationship with a Guy?

[Quigly]

It's cause women want control in the relationship and the home. They don't want a guy to do many things and be independent in the relationship. Then they start to complain about the things he never does causing the relationship to end and he becomes more independent on his own.

Experience teaches a man not to listen to a woman.

[Anonymous]

No. I would think most people try to improve with time. You could have potential motivated some of his progress. Maybe he is trying to garner another chance with you, or he wants you to be extra jealous when he finds another girl. Maybe both.

[i_Jedi]

Because pain teaches what comfort never could. Sometimes losing her is the only thing that makes him see his own flaws.

[ritxi]

For a girl who we really like, it's easier to be critical ourselves. In the other hand, we may not have enought time to change before she decides to leave us.

[Anonymous]

[Ariesman81]

It's just you regretting losing what you had.

[Anonymous]

I never actually had the girl I really liked.

[Anonymous]

People don't change.

[blackeagle007]

Learned from experience bottom line