Can a girl be the reason why a guy changes?

[Anonymous]

can a girl be the reason for a guy change? I never gave up on my ex and he made me dodge a bullet. he was honest and told me he was gonna hurt my feelings and that he was not sh*t. he felt that way when his friends left who had a positive influence on him. he started dating this 18 year old and basically she was buying the relationship by purchasing things and buying him stuff and paying bills when he is 22 and he can do that himself. it seemed like the older he gets the more bitter he become because he wanted to see his father that was not in his life coming up. he got in relationships for money and sex. this 18 year old stayed with him and got played like a basketball game. she think just because it was on Facebook people would respect but it was actually getting disrespected. today he told me he wanna change and he wants me to be the reason why he change...was I wrong for not giving up on him? he want me to come with him to find his father...he feels that he is not sh*t in life. since he been with that girl he smokes heavily. he says I'm a different girl...i have my own house, car, in college, I'm working, and the 18 year old has none of that.

[ilovelegs]

To answer your question straight off I say yes, a girl can be the reason why a guy changes. She can be the whole difference in the world. But it takes a close committed exclusive relationship/marriage with 100% trust in each other to make that happen because serious change doesn't happen in the short term. It takes time. You guys really will have to love one another. Not for just the sex but for the companionship and friendship. For the ability to lean on one another and support one another emotionally, and be kind of caring to one another. Now you just mentioned a bunch of stuff you have that would cause him to depend almost totally on you, and that's not what makes the change your talking about happen. It's working and struggling to make things work. You're having your own car, house, in college and a job is great as long as he has a few things too to balance things out somewhat. Be careful that he doesn't just talk extra sweet talk and seems to be willing to do things for you. That's because he may happens to need what you have that he doesn't have. You could be amazed at how quick he'll be able to mess those things up for you if he hasn't been brought up to appreciate things he hasn't worked for. We appreciate things most when we've had to work for them. Be careful how far you go and how deep you go with him until you get to know him much better. That's because he could change in the other direction that's not so good plus become lazy. Before you step out on a limb make sure you've seen him start to seriously change in some ways that took effort, determination and some hard work. Other than that I wish you good luck! You've done great and I commend you on that. Congratulations! Keep it up girl! :)

[DanAG]

Absolutely a guy can change because of a girl. It's very common. Girls change for guys also. People change for parents, children, friends, room-mates, teachers, or pretty much anyone they respect or care for.

People change for themselves but the responsibility and affect on others can give more motivation to change. Being around others can also help people see things about themselves that they might not see otherwise.

However just because people CAN change and often do change, it doesn't mean a particular person WILL change. You can never expect someone to change. You can't force someone to change. They will change if / when they are ready and have the desire and self discipline to change.

Of course they can also change for the worse instead of the better..

I think what you should do is wait for him to prove himself. Saying he will change is just words. It's very easy to say you will change, but much harder to actually do it. He not only should change first, he has to stay changed for a reasonable amount of time. Otherwise he can just revert back to his old self when he gets what he wants. He has to change for himself and not because he wants something from someone (you in this case).

Right now it's just words. He needs to prove it.

[toulouse]

people can inspire others to make changes they already wanted to make. no one can be a reason. you have to have personal reasons.. like a song can be inspiring but it isn't the reason you work out.

[dalila19]

Things don't happpen like that I learn the hard way that no guy will change for you that's just a fantasy, if he wants to change he will by himself not because of you love or something like that

[cazza3]

No. People change for themselves, because its what they want

[justincider]

Sometimes, you can be closer and better as friends after dating. If I were you, this is what I would strive for. Maybe hook up here and there if that fire is still burning, but be careful getting into a real relationship with him. The answer to your uestion is yes, the right girl can make you want to do what you know you should have been doing all along. Some girls push this the wrong way and try and change their guy. Doesn't work like that. He has to want to change to impress the girl he likes. Only way it will stick. 18 year old sounds like she made things easy for him. Can't blame him any more than blaming a girl for accepting gifts. You have your act together, he is trying to get his act together. Classic college relationship.

[Theguyoverthere]

Girls who think they can change a man end up getting a wake up call and always get used. If he does not have the ability to change his life for the better than you are going to be carrying a burden for the whole relationship and even if he does change, you'll get bored and leave him. Then he'll go back to being a bum again wallowing in self pity.

[lauramor]

no, I don't think a relationship can make a guy change, he will change when he thinks its best and if he does it for him.

[Jager66]

the girl changing the guy and making him better is a very cliche female fantasy and not healthy at all.

[dommage]

it depends on how willing the guy is to change