Do guys ever realize they lost a good girl?

[nickinicoleee]

I was in a relationship for almost 4 years, I am only 19 (teen love), but I genuinely loved him so much as a forever partner. I was his first serious relationship. I was an amazing partner and so was he, until he broke the trust with his lying and his disloyalty. This year he decided to break things off to "focus on himself" and we were still hanging out like if we were together and talking and... until literally last week he cut me off and went with a girl he previously cheated on me with during our relationship. Just want to understand how the mind of a 19 year old boy works.

[Oliverlogan263]

Man that really sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Breakups are always tough, especially after being with someone for so long. As for what's going through his head, it's hard to say for sure but at 19 guys can be pretty dumb and immature sometimes. A few thoughts:

- He's probably just being an idiot and not realizing what a good thing he had with you. At that age it's easy to think the grass is greener.

- Cutting things off completely with you to get with the other girl means he's not fully over you yet and might be trying too hard to prove something to himself.

- Hanging out like you were still together was messy - he should have taken real time/space to sort his head out before jumping into anything else.

- It doesn't sound like he's really "focusing on himself" if he went right to someone new. That was just an excuse most likely.

Who knows, maybe down the road after dating around some more he'll look back and realize what he lost with you. But for now I wouldn't hold my breath or wait around - it's best to just try moving on and meeting someone who'll treat you right. Hope this gives you some perspective on the dumb stuff guys do in their late teens! Let me know if any other questions.

[nickinicoleee]

Thank you so much! This helped me out a LOT. I also ponder on how immature his actions and thoughts might be, so I try not to take it too harsh when he does the things he does.
Eventually I hope he realizes his wrongdoings only for prevention of him doing the same things he did to me to other women.
I will definitely try moving on, and with time I hope I find my ideal partner. Have you ever experienced anything similar to this?

[Oliverlogan263]

Yeah man, not really myself as I took part in long distance relationships and not much in person relationships except for one person but it only lasted a year due to other reasons. Even myself know when I have a great woman but it’s the woman who didn’t seem to realize when they have a great man and a once in a lifetime love that could never receive again from anyone else. I was with a girl before almost close to 2 years and i loved her with all my heart, trusted her, and gave to her the most indescribable and everlasting love and world only a woman on earth would even imagine or believe the love I have is special and only ones you hear about in make believe stories. All the while I was faithful and loyal to her in that relationship, she was being deceitful and lied as she cheated on me while I was naive and blinded by the love I had and thought in mind to stay with your partner to work it out and don’t give up so easily compared to those who would. I remain single now at this moment though I’m fine at. So it was nothing quite as long term as 4 years, but I've known some who definitely messed things up with some great girls before just cause they was being stupid and immature.

[Oliverlogan263]

I remember one time someone I knew was dating this girl freshman year and she was super cool. They got along great and she always treated him well. But then his buddies started giving him crap saying he was "too whipped" or whatever. So he had started pulling away and being kinda mean to her just to prove to them he wasn't tied down. Big mistake!

Looking back she realize how good he had it with her and he was just being dumb trying to impress my friends. Now he wishes he could go back and tell himself not to let dumb boy pride get in the way of a good thing. Definitely learned his lesson the hard way though.

So I definitely think with time your ex will realize how he messed up too. I know I sure did after enough failed relationships where I kept making the same dumb mistakes. All you can do is focus on you and try to learn from it so you don't repeat his errors someday too. You'll find another guy who won't be such an idiot!

[nickinicoleee]

Agh I'm sorry to hear you went through that, I also gave 100% of my energy to this boy. There really wasn't any trust issue until he messed it up himself. The thing about him was that he would always come to his senses and realize his wrongdoings, but something just tells me the amount of energy, love, and time i invested into him was a waste. I was and am such a loving and affectionate partner. i was always so in love with everything about him. He was perfectly imperfect to to. All of his characteristics were beautiful to me, until he became cold and uninterested in me. the thing about long term relationships that some people dont realize though, is that there will be moments where it is "boring" and there will be arguments that MUST be talked out, and communication will always be so important. I do have a few regrets about my actions throughout the relationship, as I would rage out on his actions, but I know I never failed to be the best partner I could possibly have been to HIM.

[Oliverlogan263]

It’s okay honestly luv. I feel you so hard. You really poured your whole heart into that relationship. It's clear how much you cared about him and how you tried your best to be the perfect girlfriend.

That's all any guy could ask for really. But sometimes people just aren't mature enough to recognize what they had. It ain't on you at all - you did nothing wrong.

I can understand why'd you be wondering now if all that effort was wasted. Breakups always make us second guess things. But try to remember all the good times you shared too. That kind of love don't just disappear.

Even if he turned cold in the end, it sounds like you gave him an incredible experience of real care, affection and communication for a long time. That's gotta count for something, you know? Can't change how he feels now but I hope he appreciates you looking back someday.

Regardless, don't dwell on what you could've done differently. You were human - we all lose our cool sometimes. But your heart was always in the right place. His loss, not yours. Now it's time to take care of yourself - you're awesome and totally deserve an awesome guy who won't ever take you for granted!

Stay strong, girl. I know it hurts now but better days are coming, just wait and see. And don't ever change who you are just to please some dude. You be you - you're amazing just like that!

[BCA6010]

The girl I dated for a few years (college) and intended to marry before she cheated on me while I was in the military was just about perfect to me up until that point, but I miss the person I thought she was, not who she turned out to be. Separating those things is important for moving on.

In my opinion, dating in late teens/early twenties is largely just figuring out what you really like, and you shouldn't get too invested in them. Your mindset and goals will change quite a bit until roughly your 25th birthday.

[IslaTheWitch]

Did you talk to him? Do you know what he liked or disliked in the relationship?

From my point of view, it looks like, you think you were an ideal partner. But he obviously has a different opinion.

Cheating is not acceptable, but not knowing what your partner desires, aims for, etc also leads to break up...

Something didn't work and none of you put the effort in to learn and solve the problem. It is what probably happened.

[nickinicoleee]

Of course! We talked about everything and his reasoning was always so confusing, almost as if he never knew what he wanted. The thing about him though is that he would always come back to me when he would see me happy, he would reach back out to me and his explanation was totally different.

Overall, a lesson well learned.

[MissStrawberry912]

Some yes. Some no. All my exes did and always reached out to try again after realizing their mistakes and how I was really good to them. Except not sure about my last one will… either way, what’s important is that you recognize how valuable you are and learn from your relationship experiences :) he sounds like a douche, you deserve someone who’s loyal ❤️

[nickinicoleee]

Thank you for your opinion and advice <3 Some of my exs also came back, but I am also not sure if my latest ex ever will. Sending love xx

[MissStrawberry912]

You’re welcome ☺️❤️ tbh someone who cheats and left you twice for the same girl isn’t worth your time, love, and energy. I always believe if someone else can that easilyyy grab his attention, let her have him. You don’t need that BS. I’m sure some lucky will be happy to be with you and stay. Girl, just keep doing you, chin up, and grow from this experience ❤️ let’s not wait for the past to come back, let’s leave our past in the past, and be open to what’s ahead :) there’s plenty of good and loyal guys out there.

[MissStrawberry912]

Lucky guy*

[MissStrawberry912]

It’s okay to miss and love him, it is part of grieving. Hope you let yourself heal and give yourself the love that he isn’t providing.

[nickinicoleee]

You're sooo right!! There really is better out there. i am trusting God will guide me through the right path and sticking to someone who truly values me! Some days are harder than others, but I can't be too hard on myself since this occurred only a week ago exactly. your advice is so genuine, I truly appreciate it so much<3

[MissStrawberry912]

I’m so glad you felt that through my words, I am just being honest and hoping for the best for you :) I know you got this girl! I’m glad to know you seem to cheer up abit, yes let God guide you through this process. It will be helpful to connect with your religion community and positive support you trust during this time. And aw I’m so sorry, I can see that it’s very fresh… anybody will feel what you do… it’s gonna be painful, a lot of questioning, and missing the past… but just know it’s okay to miss/love him and it will be temporary pain ❤️ sometimes we want/miss/love someone who isn’t the best for us… but we just gotta learn to let them go for our sake and happiness….

[nickinicoleee]

sending so muchhh love! we as women tend to have stronger emotions whther it be anger, sadness, or even happiness. But It all will be healed with time and self care for sure:)))

[MissStrawberry912]

Yasss gurl 🥹❤️❤️❤️ I think we can care so much, but once we realized their true colors, poor treatment, and poor intention… thank you, next.

[sawno]

Depends on the guy and the circumstances, I definitely lost a good girl but not by my choice. In his case if he's ever going to realize it will be after the fact and its going to be a lesson for him. 19 is still pretty young, so he may simply have never experienced that mistake.

[nickinicoleee]

Us being so young and having never experiences these kinds of things can really be a huge reason, I guess only time will tell! thank you so much for your input :)))

[Staximus]

Nevermind this dirtbag, you don't need to know how his mind works. You need to work on your own mind. You stayed with him and kept talking and hanging out with him after he cheated on you, when you should have told him to fuck off into the sunset 🌅

[Staximus]

Don't you think you deserve a better guy than that?

[nickinicoleee]

I totally agree! Right now my main priority is my well-being. I am definitely taking that advice, thank you so freaking muchhhh!!! <3

[Staximus]

You're welcome

[TheSpaceGnome]

Well, if I had a good one, I'd keep her, so I guess no.

Also you really shouldn't love a person who cheats on you. Have some self respect and standards.

[nickinicoleee]

Maybe his immaturity can also play a huge roll though, forgiving someone doesn't always mean they dont have self-respect, but thank you for your input! I totally should not love someone who cheats.

[mohannad5]

I think at this age, relationships become reckless and unstable, but it is unfortunate that he was the first person I loved. This will leave a strong mark. But you must be strong and not let him provoke you with his behavior

[nickinicoleee]

Unfortunately, I also see this happening too commonly in relationships nowadays! I am trying to just convert this pain into strength, and so far I feel like I am doing good. It just takes time to heal and process. Thank you for your input :)))

[mohannad5]

You're welcome, don't worry, you'll be fine, just don't think about it too much. Leave it for time

[nickinicoleee]

Time will heal for sure, the journey will take time but I'll get there! Again, thank you soo much :)

[mohannad5]

I wish you success and a happy life. I am always at your service

[bededazzle]

no offense but who gives a shit? if he treated you that way his thoughts are worth nothing.

[nickinicoleee]

Totally agree! Just asking out of pure curiosity, but I really shouldn't care :/

[bededazzle]

good. i’m sure you deserve better.

[nickinicoleee]

100% do hahaha, thank youu!

[Carina0]

I hope so but even they do you're not gonna be there to know I think. Usually they realize it when it's all too late

[nickinicoleee]

I can definitely understand that POV, I should really not worry much about him for now then.

[Carina0]

Yeah and trust me I know it's hard but there's nothing you can do

[tzdc21]

I would say that's a guy thing, but many girls do this as well. Just move on from him and find someone else.

[OddBeMe]

Humans never truly realize they screwed up. It might be our defense mechanism.

But most married people met in their 20s after several (or a few) relationships. Never the first. It is important to remember tho.

[CaesarV]

You can safely bet that years later when you're way over it, he'll return or at least wish to. Move on and find another man who deserves your genuine feelings.

[exitseven]

That is exactly how the mind of a 19 year old boy works.

[HouseMoat]

Don't know what you got until it's gone, right ladies?

[Anonymous]

Do women ever realize they lost a good guy?

[MissStrawberry912]

Yeah I’ve been told by other females they do realized it

[nickinicoleee]

I feel some girls might. I had an ex that was amazing, but he tried to rush things too quickly which is why i broke up with him. Sometimes I do realize how greatly he treated me, though.

[Opinion Owner]

That’s what I don’t get, I feel like the girl has to like the guy more. It can’t be the other way around. If you’re a guy that’s like enamored with a girl, it’s like she’s intensely put off by that because she doesn’t see you the same way. It’s almost like a competition that the guy can’t win if he really likes the girl. (It’s not a competition but I think you know what I’m saying)

[MissStrawberry912]

Nope. It’s not that at all. You just need to meet a a good woman who appreciates you for you, all you done, and all that you will put effort to be. Feelings shouldn’t be a competition…

[Opinion Owner]

@MissStrawberry912 it’s almost like “uhhh he really likes me and I don’t… eww” like just no respect or willingness or maybe even try to get to the same point. It’s easier to just push away and fear the unknown and then pick the person apart negatively to justify it to themselves.

[MissStrawberry912]

I’m sorry, you probably went for the wrong women who isn’t very kind and respect you. It doesn’t speak for all women except that percentage you’ve encounter. Maybe try being open to new kinds of women who’s kinder and can share mutual respect and interests.

[Anonymous]

In those very rare cases when she is actually a good girl. No woman actually thinks she's bad. But that don't make them good.😆

[jimmy2]

Man I did you can't beat a good girl

[FenixG45]

At 19, One D; TOO MANY Ps!

[ThrillSeeker01]

Yeah, I did anyway