Do I have to tell my fiancé I cheated on my ex?

[Anonymous]

[OlderAndWiser]

You don't "have to" tell him anything. Of course, he also doesn't "have to" tell you things, either. Is that what you want? Is that a good approach for building a lasting relationship? (Hint: you should have told him a long time ago.)

[Asker]

not what I want but scared he will break off the engagement at this point.

[OlderAndWiser]

You would rather get married, have him learn about it, feel misled and deceived, and then file for divorce?

[HawkPerception]

Always gotta leave it to you to talk some sense in a polite manner @olderwiser Well said

[HawkPerception]

@OlderAndWiser ***

[OlderAndWiser]

@HawkPerception Thanks!

[mompatrol416]

No but you really should... It makes for a more open and honest connection. It will make him more comfortable being honest with you about similar stuff about him.

Also I could easily be wrong but I do kind of believe that every single person has cheated at least once..
Also once a cheater doesn't at all mean always a cheater. 9 times out of 10 there's a reason. It most often means something is missing in the relationship for the cheater.. people who say "all their ex's cheated on them" should probably look at themselves and ask the person who cheated why? Whether the cheater wasn't getting either enough physical or emotional connection, or something.

I strongly believe even if a relationship ends due to cheating it still in some sense took two people to mess things up.

[AgentG111]

This is a very good run down about life. Thanks very much for posting this.

[DishLady]

HAVE TO? No. SHOULD? If it's nagging at your conscience (which it seems to be), then yes.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to, but part of me says yes you do. I myself as a man wonder, ok will she do this to me as well. Sometimes past behaviors predict future behaviors. Part or me says if you cheated on your fiancé you wouldn’t tell him. I guess what’s getting me is why didn’t you just break it off w your ex? Then do what you did. That’s the red flag to me.

[AI Opinion]

Ah, the webs we weave in this love tapestry! 🎭 Transparency is golden in relationships, so it might be best to clear the air if it's bugging you or affects your current dynamics. Trust is the foundation, but balance it with the need for unnecessary drama. We're all beautifully flawed humans after all. Consider the impact on both of you and your future. Remember, open communication builds stronger bonds. ❤️‍🔥

[AviatorTom]

You don't HAVE to tell him anything, but if you think it's something he would like to know, or maybe something he will find out eventually anyway, maybe you should tell him, and explain why you did it.

[Asker]

I did It bc I was horny and was long distance with my ex who didn't come to visit me in 4 years and being dumb think I was Lowkey having a bipolar episode not sleeping at all

[Finchie40]

Not at all , whatever happened before your fiancé was in the picture was your past , so no need to say anything

[ohsheeT]

Why would you do that.. that was yesterday. The past
There is nothing good going yo come out of it. Did you learn from it.

[Noredcarpet]

It depend on what agreement you two have had about how much or how little you share about your ex or exes, what the relationship was like, what ended it. At this point you ought to feel settled, safe enough to tell him. It is harder too and make you insecure when you have to try to piece together your partners past, love life. Me and my partner had an agreement he made up all of his own, the rule being no talk about any ex. He said he thought it to be unromantic, and he said it could make him jealous. Either his past or mine were always so easy to avoid though, and instead of it being presented in a good way, it got out the wrong way and created confusion, red flags and damage. Please remember if you have learned from the past and know you would never cheat again you are no longer your yesterday you but your present. He and the relationship itself need to be stable enough to handle it. You could grow, evolve, change together. He should at this point be able to tell you of his and you of yours.

[Asker]

the problem is I talked to my ex while we were dating. my ex told me he feels like he ruined everything and I thanked him and wished him well. My fiancé calls that cheating, but I dont. so I feel like if he realizes I actually did cheat int he past he's going to go all psycho on me

[SamIam96]

I know you want to go into your marriage carrying no baggage from the past. And, cheating on a partner is a heavy burden.

I encourage you to think about what you want to accomplish by telling him and what you probably will actually accomplish. My guess is that if you tell your fiancé, you will be sowing the seeds of distrust. For example, when you spend an evening with girl friends, he may wonder if you're really with them or are you cheating.

I wish you would also think about why you cheated. Was the relationship with your ex already "over" when you did? Was something missing from that relationship that cheating satisfied? What might motivate you to cheat again, on your new husband?

Please, leave the past in the past. You're worrying so you seem like a good person. Be true to your marriage and good luck!

[Quigly]

There is a reason you cheated. Marriage is a sold lifestyle, it's not about love. Your Government took an institution in the Bible and turned it into what they wanted it to be. Of course, they want it to be about consumerism and paying taxes. It's a soul crushing institution about greed.

If you look at every foreclosure on a home there is always a divorce in the Marriage. The attitude is that once the house is gone what's the point of continuing the Marriage. It's not a Relationship that has Love to fall back on when things go wrong in life.

Marriage is a sold Lifestyle. Batteries not included.

[Amy_Mi]

You don’t owe your fiance your past,
but you do owe them your honesty.

If that truth still shapes who you are, silence becomes deceit.

But if you’ve learned, changed, and made peace with it, then let your growth speak louder than your confession.

Honesty isn’t dumping your history,
it’s proving that who you are now isn’t who you were then.

[Purpleronnie]

🤔 .. I can think of as many reasons why you should as you should not putting myself in your shoes.


While it’s in the past and there’s no reason why it has or should have a bearing on…. It does speak to your character.


If I was him I think I’d be happier that you told me and would feel more confident of your accountability & honesty going forward if that makes sense.

[RavVid]

I think you should disclose as you ought to be honest. I saw your explanation as to the circumstances and it seems understandable.

Otherwise you have secret and that will possibly affect your relationship cause people pick up on there being something hidden.

[aceleon]

yes he has a right to know that what kind of person he is with to decide for himself if he wants to stay or leave, you shouldn't make him believe an illusion of you.

[CaptainSalt]

If he is insecure, it will haunt him, and he will throw it at you every time you argue forever. If he is confident, he can have a conversation about it. But ask yourself. Is a man who you can't feel comfortable talking about your past with worth your time?

[aceleon]

the past where she is a traitor? this is not insecurity, this is knowing what he is dealing with.

[jshm2]

Hmm. A bit late, now that the relationship has reached the height it has.

If you do cheat again, then you need to admit you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Yes. He needs to know what kind of person you are so he has the chance to dump. The fact he’s your fisnce and you still haven’t told him is disgusting manipulative behavior, but what can one expect from a cheater.

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

Why do you wanna scratch where it doesn't itch? You mentioned you are bi-polar. This could be a self-destructive habit you have.

[aceleon]

having a disease doesn't make it justifyable.

[Greek_goddess_Iris]

@aceleon what disease are you talking about?

[aceleon]

Bipolar

[WhitneySnow]

No but you probably should. Tell him why and explain that you’re not that kind of person anymore (hopefully you’re not).

[bunnyboo24]

Yes... shows you are capable of pure evil. He should know

[Flower7]

No, as long as you are not a cheater anymore.

[aceleon]

even once is enough.

[Flower7]

@aceleon once is enough in a current relationship but I see no reason to being up the problems from a past relationship.

[Flower7]

bring up*

[aceleon]

then sorry but you are just as much of a coward as this woman.
you are trying to build a happiness with the foundation of a lia about who you are.
you are a cheater, you did this once even if you don't wanna do it again this is still who you are and if you are trying to build a happiness on top of this you are building happiness on a lia because you are a coward who can't face the consequances of your deeds.
let's say you are okay with being a coward
are you okay with having a fake happiness because if you were truthfull about who you are your happiness wouldn't last?
if yes then we have nothing to discuss here.

[Flower7]

I’ve never cheated at all.

[aceleon]

omg dude i'm talking about the topic here you don't have to do it to understand what i'm saying.
also if your reaction to this is what i said at the end you don't have to actually commit that act to be someone who is just as horrible because it means you would do the same thing if you ever were in her position.

[Flower7]

I never will be in this position though. I’m not the type to cheat and besides that, I don’t even date anymore.

[aceleon]

i guess rhetorical is not something you grasp.
let me simplify.
if you support an action you are as worst as someone who commits it.
you are supporting her with not talking about her less than humanely past of betrayel aka being deceitful about who she is.
you are as bad as someone who is deceitful about who they are.
simple enough?
good choice with not dating by the way, a wise decision trully.

[beenherebefore]

If you guys happen to have a conversation about past relationships you should be honest about it.

[RHK36]

Once you've crossed that line chances are higher than normal that you'll do it again. If you want something real with him you'll tell him if not then I'm sure history will repeat itself.

[Anonymous]

I would not tell him unless you have to. No one will ever know I cheated because it happened in another country and I'll never see the guy again. Literally zero harm done.

[aceleon]

aside from the guy you are with now doesn't know he is together with a viper.

[OneViewpoint]

No you do not. Don’t do something stupid. Unless you crave drama.

[OneViewpoint]

Don’t listen to these self righteous assholes projecting their own butthurt onto you. If you love this guy and he’s good to you, don’t sabotage your relationship because of something that you did in the past.

[Anonymous]

Ommitt it. Its not lying if you dont tell him.

If he finds out he will never trust you and long term he won't marry you.

[Staximus]

You don't have to tell him anything but tell him what you want to. Don't get married if you picture yourself cheating in the future.

[Anonymous]

No. But think if the roles were reversed. Wouldn't you want to know? And if you withhold that information and it comes out later how much do you think he can trust your honesty after that?

[Asker]

thats why I can't tell him now im scared its too late and he will break off the engagement

[Shy_Steve]

It's up to you, Do you want that hanging over your marriage for the rest of your life or risking it and telling your fiancè.

[Anonymous]

Yes, your fiancé should find out what kind of person you are. Don't fool that innocent man and tell the truth please.

[DavyJ]

It’s ultimately your call; but you have to live with the consequences either way……..

[blackeagle007]

What if he cheats? You’d wanna know. Your current guy needs to get tested

[RedInnocent69]

Fuck no. But there’s still a chance he’ll to find out.

[JesseP1nk]

You dont have to do anything. But sure as fuck shows what kind of person you are.

[noohair]

Yes you do unless you want to build your marriage on a lie.

[Anonymous]

You don't. Loose lips sink ships. You take it to your grave. Don't be fucking stupid.

[HighSchoolCustodian]

Better from you then if he hears from someone else.

[robocop666]

Nope but never ever again repeat these actions.

[Anonymous]

Not if you changed and never cheated on him. Your past is your past not his

[Unycorn]

No. Past is past. Present is now

[Nikki1989]

Nope. It is none of his business.

[StephanieChick111]

No, don't tell him. Hoes before bros.

[slatyb]

No, you don't. It doesn't affect him.

[Iron_Man]

Yes, you have to tell him everything

[Asker]

but its been 2 years wouldn't u break off the engagement If I withhold that for so long.

[Iron_Man]

Yes, I would

[Kelly6]

you don't have too

[Pohjolan]

Not if he doesn't ask.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I believe you should.

[yotaman99]

I mean no I liked when my ex told me.

[Flower7]

Did that change your feelings toward her? And did you start trusting her less?

[yotaman99]

Not at all I liked her more

[Flower7]

Is that because you appreciated her honesty?

[ChicoFromThe305]

I know id wanna know

[Drumlin2001]

You should

[DrPepper12]

No. Why?

[Anonymous]

Yes the sooner the better

[LiamJHayden]

You don't.

[Sebastian100]

Yes.