For this, i want both sides to be brutally honest, so I will, too. I'm an ex alcoholic who had significant emotional issues for years that was caused by me having a bad, negative attitude. That out of the way, I wonder where the disconnect occurrs with men not sharing their emotions with women. Such as what I just did, a hardship of addiction caused by my own bad, irresponsible decisions, fault of nobody except myself, but this is vulnerability to let it go. Maybe one of you guys lost someone you cared about, someone moved away and you miss them, you feel stuck, you want to travel, and you think nobody cares about your happiness, so you suck it up and keep working. Men, is this what you're doing? Are you keeping everything that hurts you inside because you think nobody cares and will see you as weak? Ladies, if a man is doing this, perhaps a man you love is keeping his tears in, should he continue? Would you care if he sat down and told you? Guys, if you're hiding, press "yes". Ladies, if you think men, honest to God, would you see a man as less if he told you about his plight? If you answer yes, then hit "yes", to say men should keep these emotions to themselves
Thank you for sharing. Do you think you going to therapy before would be something you would have agreed to do or were you at the time programmed that would not be OK with you being a guy?
I ask because my ex ended up with an addiction as well. Ran in his family. Tough background. Our surrounding was of pretty much party people but I could deal with it and before I thought he could too or he did actually from the look of things. Then one day something tragic, traumatic happened to him and I think then and there it was important he would get help, but he didn't. I think he was weakened not only by what happened but he could not longer the same way hold the Doors to his past closed. We did not have any issues, we loved each other, he never had any complaints. Before he would talk a lot about us marrying and kids and really looking forward to our future but I got aware of what an increasing problem his addiction got to be and told him about rehab. He would try to quit on his own which you shouldn't do as it is dangerous. He had oeople in his life that did nothing to support me and few of them I felt were too selfish and concerned they would be in the hot seat had he gone through rehab as this was in the first family and codependents who just refused to be on my side on this. He was too ashamed to admit to the outside he had a problem why he too tried to fix it but I think those few times he did it he was still having excuses it wasn't so bad and our surrounding, his first famlly didn't exactly help me out. I til this day have memory of how his parent laughs while seeing him dead drunk and to me what kind of parent does this, to me it was painful to know the kind of damage he was doing to his body, brain. There were more of them than there was of me and I knew if I left they would be happy as I had become a problem to them. He could easy get girls before me, so I guess there were such attitudes that if I didn't like it he could replace me. I made him chose to get help or not, our life or not and he did not chose me but figured he would make me adapt and I wouldn't. I could not talk to him like you do a regular person about the break up or after as he was set to get me back but still not do rehab. It was not until way later when so much more had happened he agreed to it. I think what ever he had experienced before in his life and the tragic event later to come it was bad yes, but it was things he could have processed, found words to and overcome. I don't believe he had something else mentally going on with him that would serve some kind of self medication instead of pills.
. I would hear stories of people thinking, saying he chose the bottle over me, us. When I wrote about it before of cource there had to be a smart ass out there with very limited knowledge to reply that he did not go to rehab because he did not love me enough. To every addicts loved ones please know that it isn't true, addicts are people who do love their loved ones just like everyone else but they are in deep trouble with themselves and trying to survive. I was never one of those who thought that because I knew by watching him it was as if he needed that first breath just to breath, to function before he could try or give to me what was always there. I think that is one cruel misconception to think addicts stoped or never have loved their loved ones. I would be OK if that was the truth if he didn't love me, these things happen, but I know it would have been offensive to him had someone told him that as it wouldn't be his truth and it would be ungrateful of me not to acknolege the love he gave me.
Many addicts don't get to tell the tale as they die, don't make it back. I'm happy you made it back. I think there is something fundamental wrong with our culture that do not allow men to talk the same way as women. Starting from when we're all children. Sure, in advanced families they do, someone somewhere taught them the language and for it to be OK, but overall the attitude is different for boys, men, just my observation. What happened to my ex didn't need to happen. I'm sure he's not alone.
Anyhows I appreciate you telling and asking because something needs to change, we as a society need to become more aware, about the right way.
I don't think anyone needs to show every emotion every moment. There's such thing as inappropriate behavior/timing. HOWEVER no one should repress their emotions. It's not healthy.
For personal reasons, no, but if he wants to be a part of the society we’ve created, yes. Men need an outlet, but finding a healthy one is difficult. For some, it’s absolutely impossible. The origin of the term “toxic masculinity” referred to behaviors that men exhibited despite their destructive effects on the men themselves. As usual, women made it all about themselves. Except the part where they take any accountability for their part in it. Mothers raise boys with chides like “big boys don’t cry”, and women treat men who cry like they’re weak or dangerous. Neither of which has any place in western civilization. For the purpose of maintaining their own mental, emotional and spiritual health, men need other men to confide in. Only a close relative or great friend will do. Confiding in the wrong man can be nearly as destructive as confiding in women. In order to learn these foggy rules, boys need male mentors and role models. We have whole generations of boys and men who are unwell for lack of good, strong and healthy men in their lives. Boys and men need men. I would argue that they need men more than they need women.
Well there is a side of us that’s best not shown to everyone but men who are in relationships with narcissists and other types that can’t empathize (it goes for women too) you become a prisoner inside yourself inside your own home. I’m not excusing bad behavior for anybody… But it’s hard.
A real partner is there for one another during their hard times. It’s not “you’re too emotional” or “stop being a little bitch” when someone communicated emotions like adults. When you can’t express sadness, anger, or anything else. Eventually you will become completely broken. Even the Bible says a woman who refuses to comfort her husband during hard times creates shaking knees
As a relationship coach who's seen it all, being open about emotions is actually a superpower, my friend! 😎 Men and women both benefit from being real and vulnerable. Keeping everything inside isn't a badge of honor; it's a recipe for dissatisfaction. Sharing creates connection, and trust me, strong communication nourishes relationships! It's like planting seeds of understanding that bloom into beautiful connections. So, cheers to embracing emotions and keeping communication alive—you'll be surprised how it strengthens bonds! 🍀
We men do not hide our emotions. Having said that, we men are not as obvious as women in showing emotions. That's in the genes, the way Nature built us.
No we shouldn’t hide emotions, although one mindful consideration.
Instead of feeling justified to show anger and no other emotion all the time, maybe find a positive outlet for when you are upset, angry, or having a bad day in general. Find someone or outlet to express yourself in a more meaningful, positive, calm, and resourceful manner that is appropriate and mature.
Showcasing feelings of happiness, sadness, joy, kindness, compassion, love, and generosity should always been encouraged since those in tune with their emotions and coping strategies, tend to be more productive, happy, and at mental peace.
I want to say this, a lot of men blame women for needing to hide their emotions…. Click “see details”, you’ll find 20 guys + 1 girl voted YES while 15 girls + 13 guys voted NO
Stop blaming women and take the initiative. No excuses.
all things simplified, these are emotions, as they are taught to (I hope) all kids in the world:
Joy
Sadness
Fear
Anger
Surprise
Disgust
I haven't seen any man or woman hiding them. Not a single one. What I have seen is men hiding sadness and fear, yes. But all the rest? We, men, are expressing majority of emotions 24/7. We are not exactly hiding joy when there's a football match? You can hear it in every street, stadium and pubs.
We are not exactly hiding anger when looking at the extraordinary amount of assaults and homicides we're perpetrating around the world.
see the difference, note it. Most women will use the information shared during the emotional exhibition as fuel for manipulation. The second reason is that its a turn-off even if you look like (or are for that matter) a heavyweight MMA fighter. Some emotion is ok, but show it wisely and sparingly.
Such behavior contributed to me losing my kids, why? Head games, its just a game and to play by the old rules of common sense while using the now debunked new rules for men (be sensitive) I treated her too well, in her reptilian brain it signaled to her scarcity even though I check all the boxes. As well in family court I should’ve acted like I didn’t care that much. My kids were subsequently alienated after family court now gone is the time to ever be a dad and to raise my kids.
They SHOULDN'T have to but unfortunately society often tends to punish men who show emotions. Other men perceiving them as pussies and women not being attracted to them. Also doesn't help the countless stories I've heard of women wanting their boyfriends/husbands to be more emotional but then leave them when they actually ARE.
The less I think about an emotional problem the sooner I am over it.
I might tell a girlfriend I am pissed so that she doesn't I am pissed off with her but that is as far as I will go.
Despite what they say girls do hold this against you. Several girls have said this here. It is about at the same level as man taking it up the arse. They don't see their guy as a man afterwards.
Not everyone is your friend. A wise man chooses who he reveals himself to. For example i would tell my wife my deep feelings and secrets, but i would never tell my boss the same intimate information or reveal anything that says im not reliable. I might lose my job because they will think im not emotionally stable lol… so be wise people, even on here. If its anything very serious see a professional. In this world people are fake lets not be naïve
If you want your woman to respect you, you better be stoic to play it safe. Don't fall for any bait such as "you can tell me anything you're going through". No you can't. As difficult as it is, I try not to even get pressed about things when I'm annoyed and with a girl. Unless its genuine conflict against another threat.
Yes, I spent my life hiding behind my poker face. A girl once dumped me in the most cruel way and I sat there and did not reveal a thing. I refused to let it get to me.
But it did, anyway, didn't it? And you feel like if you shared it with one of the women in your life, you don't anticipate a good reaction? Strange how this world can be so beautiful one minute and so cold, the next
And beget more toxic masculinity? Absolutely not. There’s nothing wrong with a man expressing his emotions. Men being told the opposite is why so many of them are fucked up right now and are in (or should be in) therapy.
But you must also understand that you calling them "fucked up" can make them feel lesser for having these issues, thus they don't open up? I'm not trying to kick around responsibility, my substance abuse issue was 100% my fault. At the same time, your description may have made me close up about it. If you can make me feel lesser, inadequate about my problems, that could spill onto other men, too, no?
Can you all just to reality check instead of consuming media? There are men who cry (not just usually like we do, they are emotionally more stable) in events that really strikes them. And that is normal no one is judging those men. We really need to stop consuming media because they give us a warp view that men are like robots. Really stupid people we have become.
If I may interject something. I think it's OK for a man to show feelings but a man SHOULD be SELECTIVE about WHAT feelings and to WHO he shows those feelings to. @jazzy34 is right about guys being forced to suppress what they feel. But let's not kid ourselves. Society does have gender roles and there is and will probably always be consequences for going outside of the expected norm. I think a man should always remember he's a man and along with that comes certain expectations. A man should always live by a code and not sacrifice that code for ANYONE. As a man no one can take from you what you don't willingly surrender among them are dignity, honor, honesty, compassion, loyalty, bravery and courtesy. I'm not suggesting it won't be hard at times. But you're a man, you're built to carry the weight of the world (and the right woman will help you). Just remember there are other guys here and you don't have to carry it alone if need be. We won't turn our back on you.
If you need to vent at times @Rangers you can vent to me. Everyone needs to vent now and again.👍
Sadly with women, yes. I've never had a girlfriend, but when I felt opening up to a close friend of mine who was a girl, she got angry at me for how i felt and tried to twist my words. She later used how i felt against me in an argument. The one guy friend I opened up listened and hugged me while trying to make feel better.
No men shouldn't hide their emotions i don't understand why anyone would want them to keep it all inside its not good for your mental state. I like men who show emotions.
Because for instance. I assume my short term, now surpassed addiction is too much, yet it's fresh on my mind, so I feel a need to share it and have a sense of pride in getting better. This would bother most women and make them not want to spend time with a guy if shared early, or no?
Not every woman thinks the same way. I can't tell you. People who work in social professions, nurses, I suspect it wouldn't bother them. But there are pathological disorders where people confuse their partner with a child they want. All I can tell you here is that social professions are practiced by those who are social, among others. And also by those who seek out the weaker ones over whom they can gain power. You always have to be careful. But you can be proud of yourself.
Probably hiding your emotions is a sign of weakness. You think you come across as a weak man if you show your emotions, and that's why you hide them. You are what you are. You cannot change it.
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