When seeking a relationship is there a point a preference becomes an unhealthy obsession?

[ChicanaChick]

If someone has a specific preference (is too picky), won't seek more important qualities and is getting older but only wants that preference, is that even normal?

For instance someone too focused on only dating natural red-haired people to the point of degrading others with different hair colors would be negative, yet you're brunette yourself. Or being so focused on only wanting someone rich, degrading those that aren't and you're poor yourself? Or only wanting a virgin when you're getting too old, degrade others that aren't (even thinking an assault victim is also used goods) and aren't even a virgin yourself?

It's one thing to have a preference but another to degrade others that don't fit your preference and you don't even have nor apply that standard yourself? Is there a point a dating preference turns into obsession and it's not normal anymore?

[new-person]

It really depends on your gender really. Guys are 80% visual when it comes to attraction. This means if his preference is what he is attracted to, what is usually is. If the other dose not have it, he will have a hard time getting it up. And that someone s more harmful to the relationship then the since of the other being picky. I feel in love with two women I did not find attractive do to not having what I prefer. But females are only 30% visual, what is why you see some 20 year old woman with a 60 year old guy. Now this is physical preference not emotional or lifestyle.

With emotional and lifestyle you can see it that way but some things you need to feel comfortable or safe, as well as you need to feel you can be yourself and get a feeling of connection. And sometimes you need what you prefer to get that. So you just got to look for the most important things first, and go down the levels from there. But understand no one will be perfect.

[Anonymous]

Only when you complain about it. It's like be unwilling to date a guy shorter than 6 foot when only 15% of guys fit that bill (and a lot of those guys are already in a relationships). But somehow you think the universe owes this to you. There is nothing wrong with holding that PREFERENCE. But you have no right to get actively angry because the universe is not giving you what you want. You are the one who chose to make your dating pool unnecessarily small.

[ChicanaChick]

Indeed. At some point, if they're complaining about it so much, getting older and can't find their preference, then the logical thing to do is expand the dating pool, give others a chance and seek for important traits such as honesty and integrity.

[Opinion Owner]

OR just shut up about it and remain single. There's no rule that says you have to compromise your preferences. Especially if you're just going to be unhappy and make someone else unhappy. Relationships are 2 people. Not just about you.
I'm not discouraging relationships or compromise. But some people are not capable of compromise and probably shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place.

[queenofcardio]

Anyone can have preferences. I think it becomes unhealthy when their pursuit of a specific type of partner becomes an obsession. Finding that person is all they think about it and it becomes their purpose in life.

[ChicanaChick]

yeah there is someone here that keeps obsessing about wanting a virgin wife. That's all he thinks about when describing a woman and that she has to have a hymen. He's already nearly 40, far from being a virgin himself and still into only wanting a virgin wife but not finding her. He also thinks lowly of raped victims and even sees them as tainted too.
That can't be a preference anymore. That's gotta be an obsession for sure.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

It’s only in obsessive territory when they can’t take “no” for an answer from people of that same group and continue to pursue them despite their refusal.

[exitseven]

Yes, if you are too rigid you might never find anyone.

[Anonymous]

It's how I've remained single this long 🙌😋🤭

Let's face it - a woman could've snagged me up by now.

So I forget 'em and live my life as I please, God in company and the Devil at my beck and call 🙃😛

[Nikki1989]

Nah, not at all. Unless the preferences are just plain stupid.

[Anonymous]

No. Especially if they are hyper fixated on certain physical features.

[ChicanaChick]

and if they can't find that person but keeps complaining, isn't it time they should act on their searc? Either lower that specific standards and replace it with more important ones such as honesty and loyal or stay single for the rest of their lives.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah. Those are the two most likely options.

[Anonymous]

It's called being a hypocrite

[ChicanaChick]

Yeah. It doesn't make the person very likeable.