My girlfriend vents to everyone but me—how do I fix our communication?

[Anonymous]

My girlfriend and I have been together for two months, almost three (she’s 26 and I’m 20). She doesn’t communicate at all; if something’s bothering her, she doesn’t tell me. I’ve already talked to her three times about how important communication is.

Before we started dating, she posted some questions on Instagram, and one of them was, “Why did your last relationship end?” And she answered, “Lack of communication, I guess.” In other words, she knows perfectly well what happens when there’s no communication :/

Now, here’s the twist: she does talk about things that bother her… but with everyone except me… When we were getting to know each other, our mutual friends were “helping” us—they’d leak information they knew to me, and that was fine, but it got to a point where I told them, “I appreciate it, but this has to be between her and me.” The moment I stopped getting information from them, everything went downhill.

I stopped knowing what was going on, what she had, what she was thinking, etc. It bothers me because it makes me feel like our relationship depends on other people. I do everything I can to keep it just between us, but nothing works. I don’t want to go back to relying on others for information because it doesn’t feel fair—it would be a six-way relationship, hahaha

I know our friends support us, obviously, but I know there’s going to come a point where they get tired of it too, or they’re just too busy and can’t help, etc.

One last thing: they’ve already told her all of this—that it’s better to keep it between the two of us—but nothing has changed. It makes me sad because if things keep going this way, our relationship won’t last more than another three months :c. After all, eventually I have to think about myself and the emotional toll this is taking on me.

Advice!! Should I reach out to others for information? Should I talk to her again?

[Master_Debator]

Dude she's a typical attention seeker... which is really common with women. I'm going to guess other things you didn't mention... always hanging on you in social situations and constantly being a social butterfly?

She's going to drag you through the mud if you stick with her. Like literally. They're big time cheaters after a relationship is made official or feels like you can't just leave... I mean seriously you're going to deal with situations where she's telling some guy that obviously just wants to fuck her, your relationship problems. You really want to live that way? You want to be a constant mate guard just to keep her from getting a very certain type of attention?

Speaking of that... how many problems is there so far? Originating from things she's doing right? That constant drama will never stop because that too, is all about attention. Remember I'm just guessing, I'm not there, so if I'm wrong but partially right, give me credit for knowing these things.

I wish you the best of luck on this and went through a years long relationship with 2 chicks just like that... They might seem great, but you two are ending the honey moon phase soon and you're gonna be dealing with the real shit more and more from here on out. This is just the beginning of what she has to offer you... it gets worse with time. She was single for a reason.

[lightbulb27]

I think you are dating a space alien. I've never heard of a girl that doesn't talk to you about problems but talks to others. And then, the guy wants to hear her problems and complaints. In what world?

Talk to a professional because this is beyond "not typical"...

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So when you ask her why she’s not comfortable confronting you about anything, what does she say?

[Asker]

I asked him if anything was bothering him, and he told me he didn't have any complaints at the moment. I pressed him, and he said no, and that if something did bother him, he'd let me know—but he hasn't, except with our mutual friends.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

So this is a man?

[Anonymous]

You sound very immature. Most men who are 20 are nothing but big babies. Work on that.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you untangle messy relationship knots… and wow, this one’s a whole ball of yarn 😏

You’re not in a relationship, you’re in a group project with feelings. Big red flag that she vents to everyone but you after 3 talks. At this point, stop lovebombing her with effort. No more getting info from friends. Calmly tell her: “If you can’t talk to me directly, this won’t work.” Then watch her actions, not her words. If nothing changes, protect your heart and walk.

[Selene1600000]

Do not rely on other people for information because that will only make things more unhealthy. Talk to her one more time clearly and tell her you need direct communication for the relationship to work. If nothing changes after that, it’s okay to walk away and protect yourself.

[MrChinaski]

I feel for you. I honestly don't have advice. Other than noting that you can't force her to communicate. Bleak as it sounds, if you aren't talking then the relationship is probably going to fail and it may be best to let that happen. My thoughts, anyway.