How do I ask my husband to hire a pro instead of DIY home repairs?

[emeraldsaphire]

So me and my husband recently bought our first house. It's a nice place, but it needs some work and my husband has been trying to do it all him self. He's been doing ok, but he want's to install a ceiling fan over our bed. And I'm concerned. This would involve wiring because our bedroom doesn't have a ceiling light and it would involve making sure a fast spinning blade machine doesn't all on us when we are sleeping. He is not a handyman or an electrician he's a programmer. So I'm nervous. I've been trying to hint at getting someone else to do it, but he's been so stressed about being a new dad. Recently he's started focusing on getting the place ready for the baby so he's been a lot happier. So I don't want to crush him when he's starting to feel like him self, but I also don't want to be crushed by a fan that is also on fire.

Updates

2 mo

So my husband installed the fan, or well he's installing it. I was just honest, I shared how happy I was about all the hard work he's been doing and I said I'm just concerned about it falling. So we called a family member who is an electrician we sent some pics and he gave the green light. I feel better, I'm still a little nervous, but that's normal for me I don't like construction lol.

[Jamie05rhs]

You do ask a legitimate question here. And thank you for caring about your man's feelings.
Looking at this objectively, I do think that you bring up important safety concerns. So I don't think it's wrong of you to be concerned about something falling on you.

I honestly and truly don't know the right answer here, so I would recommend seeking advice from a professional. And by that, I mean a man you know personally who possesses the construction skill sets needed to complete the project in question.
But just make sure they are not someone who could benefit financially from being awarded the job, because that is a conflict of interest.

[Jamie05rhs]

Thanks for the MHO!

[Grond21]

Let the man be a man. Don't undermine him in this crucial time in his life. He needs to feel like he can accomplish things and that you respect him enough that he has a good chance at being successful. It's not a guarantee, but if you support him, he will be much more willing to ask for help if he needs it. But if you undermine him just because you don't think it's likely he will succeed, then you could introduce some serious harm to his ego and to your relationship.

It's not worth it over a stupid ceiling fan that would be easy to fix.

[emeraldsaphire]

Normally I'd agree with you, but I'm also 8 months pregnant and I can't stop thinking about the thing falling on us and leaving our baby an orphan.

[Grond21]

It is perfectly normal to have heightened worries during this time! You're going to be a new mom, and you're also close to giving birth. You have all of those nesting hormones running through you. So instead of trying to control the outcome and thereby undermining your husband, instead trust the man you married and express your fears to him. Let him know how important it is to you that nothing bad happen to you or the baby or to him with this fan, and then let him make the decision.

[nastyb]

@emeraldsaphire

Girl, you have a good head on your shoulders. Don't listen to all these egotistical men tell you that you should trust a trial and error over a professional. If it's something like changing a light bulb then it's ok to let him do it but for him to not be trained on what he is doing and just guessing his way through, it's safer to just hire a professional.

[Grond21]

If you have to devolve to ad hominems instead of treating the argument at face value, it only undermines your point.

[nastyb]

@Grond21

You're a sick person

[Grond21]

I rest my case

[Grond21]

Thank you for the MHO!

[Grond21]

Wonderful update! You handled it well

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you decode love, drama, and all the adorable chaos in between.

Tell him straight, gently, and with love: “Babe, I love that you want to take care of us, but electrical stuff really scares me. It would make me feel so much safer if a professional did the wiring.”

Frame it as safety for you and the baby, not a lack of faith in him. Admire his effort, outsource the danger. That’s not a red flag, that’s smart wifey energy 😏💡

[ponderingpaul]

You’re a fucking moron Brad

[MisterWack]

“He's been doing ok, but he want's to install a ceiling fan over our bed. And I'm concerned. This would involve wiring because our bedroom doesn't have a ceiling light and it would involve making sure a fast spinning blade machine doesn't all on us when we are sleeping. He is not a handyman or an electrician he's a programmer. So I'm nervous.”

I think you should phrase that to him.
You aren’t concerned with his DIY skills, more so you are worried about a spinning blade over your bed as you sleep and the wiring that goes into making something like that work.

If it were me, a handy guy who loves doing stuff himself and prefers it over hiring someone. I would want my wife in our new home to feel safe, secure, and comfortable.
That task would be above my level and I would want her to seek a professional or not have a ceiling fan at all. I’m sure he’ll come around and all, emphasize that you love his previous DIY projects and successes, but would prefer a professional for this one task due to the life risk. That is cool he can do a lot on his own, that is commendable, but it is risky for this one particular task.
You obviously care about your man’s feelings (which is beautiful), so this will come from a place of love and not one of negativity, doubt, or malice. I believe he’ll listen to you and actually not go through with it.

[MrOracle]

Ceiling fans aren't really that heavy, and if one ever did somehow fall, it couldn't fall AND still have electricity going to it because the wires wouldn't be long enough.

I've installed a bunch of ceiling fans going back 40 years, many of them required going up into the attic and adding a supported electrical junction box and wiring it up, and they're all still right where they are supposed to be. Unless you're swinging on the ceiling fan like a gorilla, it would be pretty difficult for one to fall out of the ceiling.

[Screenwriter]

It's great you were complimentary while being honest. He's being a good man! Sprucing up the house, nesting before the baby gets here. And maybe he de-stresses while doing his projects.

Just remind him for dangerous projects. like installing ceiling fans and wiring things electrically, ask family, friends and pros for help. No shame on his game. No one knows how to do everything.

Encourage projects like painting, planting the yard, which are simpler but yield excellent results and good looks. One step at a time. Tell him how proud of him you are!

[nolabels]

As a retired electromechanical service tech, I disagree with many of the other commenters here who say to let him go for it.

If a completely new ceiling fan installation wasn't the job in question, I'd say to let the guy learn some stuff by trial and error.

Most guys want to feel that they're up to snuff on dealing with homeownership.

A ceiling fan installation from scratch isn't the job to start out with, though.
It's really not.
Even with YouTube, it's really not.

To replace an existing ceiling fan is no big deal.

A new installation from scratch is a much bigger deal.
I wouldn't completely scare anyone off of such a job if they had the proper knowledge, but it is more of a job than the average person should undertake as a rookie.

Cheers!

[WindAtMyBack]

I worked in the trades myself and I say let him do it.

[nolabels]

@WindAtMyBack
Lol.

I hope he puts a ceiling fan bracket behind his O box.
That'd be my main concern other than improper wiring.

Cheers to you!

[nastyb]

Trial and error playing with electrical wires? You might end paying your life for that ego boost

[nolabels]

@nastyb

Are you talking to me or to @WindAtMyBack?

I'm saying that this guy shouldn't do this job, but there are plenty of jobs that a young homeowner can learn by trial and error without jeopardizing safety.

Here's my sentence that included the words 'trial and error'
"If a completely new ceiling fan installation wasn't the job in question, I'd say to let the guy learn some stuff by trial and error."

Where in that sentence does it have me suggesting that this young person go to town trialing and erroring with electricity, as you've suggested I'd have him do.

Cheers to you!

[nastyb]

@nolabels

installing a ceiling fan unsupervised is a dangerous thing to try to "learn all on your own"

[nolabels]

@nastyb
That depends on the rookie in question.

[nastyb]

@nolabels

it says a lot about you if you are willing to risk your own life just for a small ego boost.

[nolabels]

@nastyb
What the hell are you talking about?
Did you read my original post on this subject?
You need to be talking to WindAtMyBack, not me.

[OneViewpoint]

Just have an electrician run the wire to a junction box in the ceiling where want it. Drywall and fan installation are incredibly easy DIY projects. The electrical wiring and hanging the box are the critical elements for compliance with code, your safety, and your insurer not walking away from repairs. This way your husband can feel like he has accomplished something for his family and everyone can sleep well.

I do all sorts of DIY projects but 2 things I don't mess with are electrical and plumbing for the reasons I mentioned. Code compliance, insurance, and safety. A pro is a lot cheaper than substantial damage from a fire, water leaks, or a hospital visit.

[BadApple69]

You should ask my wife this question, although she doesn’t know the answer either. I am very handy but only because I started doing this type of thing and NOT hiring others to do the work. Have him watch some videos (not just one) there is a lot of good and some bad info out there.
Trust me when I say, you can hire a “professional” and they will do a crappy job of it. Your husband will take pride in his work and not just try to do a fast job like the pros might.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Just hire them on your own, men tend to take it as a personal insult whenever you don’t let them be handy when they want to. Just do it whenever he’s out and when he gets fussy about it tell him you felt like you had to because he wasn’t listening to your concerns.

[NathanDavis]

my brother and I... have done this as well

we're not handymen nor electricians... we're managers experienced with Karens

some things are fairly, relatively basic and easy... you don't need to be a professional to know some basic stuff, lol

I want to assume you married someone you TRUST, so just trust your man...

[permanentem]

Installing a ceiling fan isn't complicated. You just mount a saddle box to a 2x4 in the ceiling with 2 screws after you cut a hole with a hole saw. You run some wire from that box to a switch/outlet box on a wall and then patch that into a standard 15 or 20 amp circuit in the room. If he's a programmer he should have taken introduction to logic laboratory course in college and he understands basic circuits. It's not fucking rocket science lady.

[permanentem]

[permanentem]

[permanentem]

[bowenw]

You could tell him that electrical work in your area needs to be done by an electrician with a permit and an inspection, if that is the case. You may also want to remind him that a fan requires a special fan-rated electrical box securely mounted to a joist. Also, your home insurance policy may not cover any injuries caused by it or fires for improper wiring.

[exitseven]

Electricity is not something you can mess with. If an unlicensed person does electrical work and there is a fire you may not be able to collect homeowners insurance.
It is good that he takes some initiative for home maintenance but some things should be left to the pros.

[Nikki1989]

The trick is asking in a way that protects his pride, keeps the conversation warm, and focuses on shared goals rather than criticism. At the very least, your house will remain standing once the work is completed.

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

Some comments: OH NO? DO NOT FRUSTRATE YOUR MAN BC HE'S 5YO HE WON'T SURVIVE IT !

Some comments: Safety. Insurance. Communication. Negotiation. Diplomacy.

[Amur8711]

You need to let him do some of it himself so he keeps his pride intact. I suggest convincing him to hire out for very time consuming and complicated jobs.

My dad has also been one to always do things himself to save money. But sometimes getting it gone in a few days rather than months is well worth the investment and stress.

[Anonymous]

Keep your mouth shut and let him do the work. Telling your husband he should hire out the work clearly demonstrates your lack of confidence in him as a man, which I promise you you'll regret.

You just bought your first home. He wasn't born with handyman skills. Be fair to him and give him an opportunity to learn.

[WindAtMyBack]

Let him do it. He needs to learn, and doing it is the only way to learn. You are home owners now. Doing stuff like that comes with the territory. You should be glad that he is willing to do it.

[RandomGirl42]

Subtly convince him that it's his idea to hire a pro.

[Unycorn]

Tell him you would enjoy more to spend time with him... so you prefer to pay someone because spending time together has more value.

[slatyb]

The electrical is simple, he just needs to make sure that it is well supported. There are probably a hundred videos telling how to do this.

[Starlux]

Some things, depending on what it is need a handy man others for easier things. Can likely do it yourself. Messing up your ceiling making mistakes, holes too wide. Costly.

[msc545]

Let the man do what he needs to do. I don't think you know enough about it or how it's supposed to go to know whether it's done right or not done right.

[msc545]

If you make enough money to pay a pro a lot extra to do it, then go ahead and make that money, but don't expect your husband to make extra money and spend it on people that do things that he thinks he can do himself.

[LuckyNumber7]

Get a super attractive handyman and get him to teach your husband his ways. Flirt with him in subtle ways and maybe your hubby will entertain a threesome as a thank you for this man's man teaching him new things!

[Staximus]

Relax, a monkey can install a ceiling fan. It's not that complicated. I've been installing them since I was 13 and none of them ever fell down

[Mike_Hum]

"hey how about we hire someone to install the fan and I'll give you a blowjob instead"

[Ariesman81]

Ask him how many conductors are in 14/3 wire. If he says anything other than 4... pull rank and hire it out.

[ᴍᴀʀʀɪᴇᴅɪsʟᴀᴍɪᴡᴏʀsʜɪᴘ]

It's very expensive to have a professional do it, and maybe they don't have the money to tell you.

[fish5505_87]

Gently! lol. I have no problem when my wife's asks me to do this, my problem is she wants me to be able to fix it!

[Anonymous]

I think you as a woman know how to get your man around your finger 🤘😜 like a genie

Use your magic ☺️✨🌠🤭

[MrChinaski]

But life insurance.

[AgentG111]

Just do it and it's done

[LifeLover91]

Maybe he likes to repair?

[Anonymous]

Talk him into it, and be persuasive.

[jahaims]

Bad wife