What actually gives you closure after someone hurts you… getting even, or genuinely letting go?

Question

You hear people say forgiveness sets you free…  but others feel like closure only comes after justice is served. What actually gives you closure when someone you love hurts you deeply?

Genie23 · Accepted Answer

I cry it out. That's how I cope, because otherwise it won't stop hurting.. my chest feels heavy. Once I cry it out, I decide it's time to let them go. Because once they hurt me... There's no going back. There's no point giving someone chance over and over again once the trust is broken, and you lose all the respect you had for them. I am not the kind of person who would try to get even with someone. It won't do me any good. So, why do something and feel silly/guilty later?

I used to feel the need to ask them- why they did to me what they did. I would feel that's the only way I would closure... but over the years, I've realised by doing that I'm putting my peace of mind in their control. Now I don't need to talk for closure. I can convince myself that we just aren't supposed to be in each other's life, and move on.

Simslover92 · Accepted Answer

I move on… but I never forget. The best revenge is to just be happy after all.

Love Doctor Brad · Accepted Answer

My aim here on GAG is to help untangle messy hearts and confusing feelings… and yours is a deep one 😏

Real closure comes from genuinely letting go, not getting even. Revenge feels like a sugar rush: intense, then empty. True closure is when you accept what happened, stop chasing explanations, see their behavior as a red flag, learn from it, and emotionally detach.

That’s when they lose all power over you.

Finchie40 · Answer

Letting them go , even though it hurts , especially if you been with them for a long time , accepting the fact that it’s over , and moving on with yourself is the best closure I do for myself. Because if someone truly loves you, they wouldn’t hurt you the way that they did. When my ex wife decided to not love me anymore , she turned evil on me and would say vicious things to me and belittle me and criticize me etc.. all of a sudden , she also physically and verbally attacked me over the smallest things and played a victim when really she was the abuser , she had me arrested and lied to the cops that I attacked her when she was the one that attacked me first when I was sleeping , when I got taken away in handcuffs and put in jail I was served a PFA as well and the PFA was nothing but lies , after I was released I was served court papers and told I couldn’t go back to my home , that’s in my name. I can’t contact her or be anywhere near her or I will go back to jail. I been so hurt and devastated cuz I know I didn’t deserve this whatsoever, the girl is a complete lunatic that destroyed my heart. As much as it hurt me and made me upset , I accepted the fact that it’s over and focused on myself and moving on. Now I am nervous to ever get into a relationship again , because of shit like this , going to jail opened my eyes to never be there again. So getting revenge on her , isn’t worth putting myself back in jail , even though a part of me wanted to. This court system is so messed up and it favors women over men. I was in a holding cell with a bunch of other guys’ that were arrested for the same thing with their women. So for me to even consider a relationship again , the girl needs to be sane not mentally insane and selfish. Now i am trying to start a new chapter in my life and it hasn’t be easy cuz i never thought this would happen to me after being with her for over 20 years. But she’s running around like she is this victim when really she is a piece of shit , I pray everyday that karma kicks her in the ass .

Summeroflove · Answer

It depends on the situation some people don’t even realize what they did or people make mistakes depending on the severity. I think the issue is if it’s something severe or repeated just intentionally bad behavior or indifference to it.

The best thing to do is acknowledge that you’re hurt because you’re someone who has feelings who cares for that person but that you have to do what’s best and cut that person out of your life. It’s part of having self respect it’s something people learn including empathetic people. There are people deserving of our affection out there. If you waste it on the wrong person you’re not only doing yourself a disservice but someone who genuinely would deserve it as well as can make yourself bitter and then some people start treating others poorly.

ohsheeT · Answer

I really don't have time to mess with it there's more important things than getting even or you just got to let it go you got to keep going forward so with my breakups I've always tried to remain friends because it's usually something simple and we don't see eye to eye on something or we're going in different directions

You came into each other's lives for a reason it was to teach us something

From 1 years old to 5 years old I had a stepdad I didn't know he was my step dad until I was five

But he used to beat me with a belt until I was 10 and I would say to him how can you tell me you love me and then turn my body black and blue I'm not crying anymore when you hit me

And I look at relationships the same way you came into each other's life for a reason and at one moment you loved each other so why would you try to hurt or get even when you break up you say I love you and you say goodbye

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Revenge is an excuse to hold on to someone when you don't want to admit that you still want them. "Closure" means closing that chapter of your life, bringing it to an end, and you only do that when you finally let go.

AviatorTom · Answer

The best way to get over someone or something is to find something else... move on and find a new distraction. 🤔

Maybe_Maybe_not · Answer

Oh justice, justice or vendetta? They should be differentiated lol. I have not feel the urge for justice, or vendetta, in this field. I haven't been hurt in a way where I could want that, it's also probably not how I react to life events in general.

I looked for explanations instead, anything that could make me understand why we do the things that we do, me and them. And in the course of life, I forgave everything in this department, not because I wanted to, just because it happened like that. A personality related thing maybe?

What's on the menu for you, phoephoe, getting even or letting go?

PeachyPie93 · Answer

The only way is to just let it go because hanging on to someone is just causing yourself grief because they probably dont care at the end of the day..

Even if you think you got revenge you just end up hurting yourself and again they probably will still get over it..

Screenwriter · Answer

I've heard it said that when you seek revenge, dig TWO graves: one for you and one for who hurt you. Hurting someone is not justice. Often people who do such harm are unaware of what they're doing for a host of reasons: their life history, mental illness, substance abuse, lack of boundaries, etc.

You don't have to forget, but letting go of the anger and hurt helps a person to heal.

Billlewis · Answer

That's a tough one. I was still in love with a woman whom I now believe intentionally wanted to hurt me, more than twenty years after she first rejected me, and it still hurts today, although it's slowly getting better, especially since I recently got married.

Crimsyjo · Answer

You don't forgive them. You forgive yourself for making the mistake in trusting them and find peace knowing it wasn't your fault. Letting go really depends on how deeply you were hurt and how. But I'd say you never forget. And getting even is a bonus but shouldn't be your mission.

OneViewpoint · Answer

I learned a long time ago to simply let go of worthless people for my own sake. I don't need closure. I just need to recognize worthless people and turn my back on them. That isn't forgiveness. That's just taking out the trash. I don't need explanations or apologies. I need you gone. If it's warranted, low effort and hilarious, I'm not above vengeance. I have a serious violent streak and near zero pity.

exitseven · Answer

I move on but never forget. The memory stays hidden, festering like a splinter until it becomes a nasty sore at some odd time.

sage2021 · Answer

I start by forgiving them even though some people are more difficult to forgive than others, I still have to do that.

God has forgiven me of my sins when I asked him for forgiveness and he expects me to forgive others as He has forgiven me.

Anonymous · Answer

Taking back the power so to speak. I mean each person is different. Different people have different holds on you for different reasons. But generally it first depends whether it was a healthy relationship to begin with. If it wasn't, realization of this is the first, but the biggest step. If it was healthy that's a little harder. Because then you have to come to terms with you're moving forward. And there's not a good reason (at least not to you) why you're proceeding without them.

RandomGirl42 · Answer

I'd rather be happy than be right. 😊

VioletHaze · Answer

I can cut a little too deep if I do. So I've found its better to forgive and let go. I don't like encouraging that side of myself.

molonski2 · Answer

Never ever try and " get even " childish action , you move forward on your own and adapt as time goes by.

Nikki1989 · Answer

You are not required to forgive, but moving on is simple when you know it is the right thing to do.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

I just find it easier to feel hurt for a while, then just get over it completely and move forward.

Still-alive · Answer

If its something deep i cut off all contact. And i ain’t ever coming back

msc545 · Answer

I usually just move on but I never forget what happened and then make it a point to never speak to that person again or spend time with them for any reason

AydenHazor · Answer

I move in but I don't forget. I'll be wary with that person moving forward because I didn't want them to hurt me again

Anonymous · Answer

Closure is self growth 🤩 Without it or with it I never needed a mirror 🪞 😄 I learnt as I went.

dragoblack · Answer

Letting go and hyper focusing on something to get your mind off of it

LC75LC71 · Answer

Getting even just digs a much bigger hole I've personally learned.

Anonymous · Answer

I never had a relationship, only unrequited love.  My choice is - genuinely letting go (after few years of depression).

MemeSupreme · Answer

still figuring that out

Chelsdope0 · Answer

Him hurting you is closure within itself…

loveslongnails · Answer

e) FORGIVE AND let go, but don't forget

Agape93 · Answer

Revenge.

Phoenix98 · Answer

The truth.

What actually gives you closure after someone hurts you… getting even, or genuinely letting go?

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