My partner refuses to see my family—should I stay or walk away?

[Anonymous]

Look, the thing is, my partner can't stand my family, even though they haven't done anything to him. He just says he doesn't like them, and of course, that's meant that after a year together, he's stopped coming to family meals altogether. He even didn't come to my birthday because he said he wasn't going to be around my family; it was his boundary. So, I've been feeling awful about this for months because I'm worried about Christmas, my birthday, and even if this gets worse, imagine what it's like to have a wedding with my family and his because of this. When I talked to him about it—because he always has family meals on Saturdays, and of course, sometimes I go—he never changes the schedule for me. He does change it for friends or going out, but that's another story. He never leaves the house on Saturdays, and I told him, "Okay, I won't go then, because I'm sensitive about this, and I'd like you to at least make a small effort to come, even if it's just for a snack with my family, to integrate a little, like I do with yours." And he says no, so, of course, I'm having a crisis. What plan am I going to make? I don't want to be with that kind of person, but I love him so much that I can't imagine leaving him, you know? What do you think, girls? It's just that, on top of everything, our families always insist on everyone coming to meals, and not having him there seems really hard, especially since we've been together for two years.

[Anonymous]

My concern would be family support on down the line.

We'll, figure out what is the issue with spending time at all? Talk on the phone? He doesn't like them, doesn't like how he feels? Therapy time...

Will he go to a group dinner, outside their house and engage?

If he can't exist in your world, doesn't trust them or like them, that's a problem. Can only solve it by having your separate time and space to be with your family. But when you need support... tending kids, etc.. he will have to accept.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

I broke it off with a gal for the same reason. If the level of reciprocity isn't there then there's not much you can do.

Only suggestion would be to set limits on how many dinners you two do during a month. And sometimes your families just need to be understanding that you're trying to balance a relationship and family life.

[Calyptomaniac]

I sure wouldn't accept that. I'm not big on friends. My family keeps me busy so I am focused on them all the time. He'd be exclusing himself from far too big a part of my life for me to want to continue with him. If you think the rest of the relationship is worth it then it's up to you to decide. But he sounds stubborn and inflexible and that surely will manifest itself in other parts of the relationship if it hasn't already.

[bobalife]

A selfish and emotionally immature man is a big red flag… especially who don’t want to spend time with your family when there hasn’t been any valid reason not to. Time to drop him, girl. Remember your standards and values. He isn’t even considering your feelings and what matters to you.

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you untangle messy relationship drama and spot red flags before they break your heart 💔

This isn’t a boundary, it’s selfishness and disrespect. Skipping your birthday because he “doesn’t like” your family is a huge red flag. You make effort with his, he refuses with yours. That’s not compromise, that’s control.

Love without mutual respect becomes emotional self-abandonment. If he won’t budge after two years, imagine a wedding, kids, holidays. You’re not asking for lovebombing, just basic partnership.

If staying means you always shrink your needs, walking away sounds a lot healthier, even if it hurts now.

[Spencer10]

I cannot help but think this is a huge red flag. Eventually this will cause the relationship to implode.

[bowenw]

If he's this childish at the stage of a relationship where he should be trying to impress you, the chance of him getting any better over time is slim. I suggest you move on now.

[slatyb]

If you have to ask, you know the answer. Just walk away, Renée.

[Anonymous]

He should be able to tolerate your family. Part of being married is dealing with your partners family. You aren't asking for them to move in.

[MrChinaski]

Punctuate, please. A better world starts with you.

[Staximus]

It’s time to pull your head out of your ass and get rid of this guy if he can’t even show up for your birthday party

[Staximus]

Stop being a doormat

[oldman26]

If you are not married, this is a huge red flag

[Abbycado]

Done.

[Anonymous]

Why do u love him so much

[In_Trance]

Move on