What are we can anyone give me advices?

[casssseydayo]

• I (25F) need honest opinions about a guy (29M) I’ve been talking to long distance for a while now because I genuinely can’t tell if I’m overthinking or if something changed 😭

We talk every single day, but we’re still not officially together, so the relationship feels emotionally deep but also unclear at the same time.

We’ve had serious conversations before about attachment, long term relationships, permanence, feelings fading, etc. He’s generally a very cautious person and seems to take relationships seriously.

At one point I told him:
“If you’re interested in someone else, then don’t keep talking to me.”

And he replied:
“If I was doing that, I shouldn’t be speaking with you.”

That’s part of why I’m confused 😭 because his actions don’t fully feel like someone losing interest.

He still:

messages me daily
checks on me if I disappear (“You ok?”)
calls me “hun”
compliments me
shares random daily things like food pics
continues talking even after emotional arguments
But recently the vibe became calmer. Less flirting, slower replies, less emotionally intense overall.

The thing making me spiral is Telegram 😭

He used to say he barely understood why people use Telegram, but after getting a new phone number he made a new Telegram account and I sometimes see him online there. My brain immediately goes to “another girl.”

At the same time, today he called my dress “very cute hun I like it” and we talked more than usual.

So I honestly can’t tell:

Is this just a calmer/more stable phase?
Is he intentionally slowing things down because he’s cautious?
Or am I slowly being phased out?
Also, what do people in America usually use Telegram for? Is it common there outside of dating?

Would appreciate honest opinions, especially from people experienced with long distance / slow burn relationships 😭

[ManOnFire]

So I'll give it to you straight: unless you've ever met the guy in person, I honestly don't believe there's a relationship in it or that it's deep. You enjoy it because it's exciting and maybe because you both can connect on a close level with life experiences, common interests, etc. But a real relationship will have more serious elements than that.

I can't tell if he's losing interest or not or if he's talking to another girl, but it can and does happen in long distance relationships. All I can say is, expect that it's a possibility.

[casssseydayo]

Hi. I met his kid and his friend. 5months ago.
He said he's looking for serious things but he didn't wanna do immediate falling love

[ManOnFire]

Okay. So he is a single father. Probably doesn't want to jump into a relationship too soon if he already had a failed relationship before. I can understand that. I don't know why he got on Telegram but it doesn't necessarily imply he's talking to another girl, but it also doesn't imply that he isn't either.

I would say go with your gut. If you notice his energy and focus on you has seemed to lessen, then there probably is a chance he could be losing interest.

[casssseydayo]

He doesn't seem like he's not interested anymore but most people say that Telegram is a sexting app lol I have to make it clear that what he's using that app for and why often online🥲

[ManOnFire]

I've been on there in the past and saw all kinds of things. Prostitutes. Drug dealers. Weed sellers. But I imagine it's largely used for sex, yeah.

[lightbulb27]

I call this a "traction" problem. Think of a motorcycle spinning it's wheel... various reasons that could happen... like someone has the brake on? Stuck in the mud and dirt? Don't know where going or afraid of going there?

There's times your wheels spin, tons of effort and energy going in, but seems you are going nowhere. This occurs because lack of commitment to moving forward.

So someone has to bring up this point of moving forward and not and likely get into some friction, as there is likely immaturity, doubts, fear, etc.. Serious conversations.

If can navigate through that, then traction is achieved. Some people, are not ready...

gosh I'm smart... lol, I made that make sense to me anyways. good luck.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you decode mixed signals, calm the anxiety spiral, and spot red flags before your heart gets wrecked 😏

He’s not lovebombing or ghosting, he’s in that “cautious but comfortable” zone. Daily texts, checking on you, calling you “hun,” staying after arguments – that’s consistent emotional investment, not a guy secretly phasing you out. The drop in intensity usually means the honeymoon texting high is fading into normal, not that feelings are gone.

Telegram in the US is super common for group chats, hobbies, crypto, work, privacy, not just secret girls. You’re connecting dots your anxiety is drawing, not solid evidence.

Right now you’re in a situationship with relationship energy but no label. If you keep talking like this, it will drag on and make you overthink everything. His behavior screams “I care, but I’m cautious.” If you want clarity, you’d normally define it, but since you said no advice asking, I’ll just say this: you’re not being phased out yet, but you are emotionally in deeper than the title.

[Finchie40]

It sounds like he is weighing his options , and he more than likely is talking to another girl or girls’ he likes the communication with you , you are like his buddy that he wouldn’t mind getting into bed with , when it’s convenient for him , so you are best not to prioritize him and find yourself someone that prioritizes you only. Unless you want to be a convenience, that’s up to you

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

🔷 "Is this just a calmer/more stable phase?"

A phase naturally happening to me when there are months of LDR history logged in.

🔷 "Telegram"

I haven't heard of Telegram used for affairs or hooking up, to me Telegram is used to avoid censorship, at best, and throw hate at things without experiencing any consequences, at worst

[Iron_Man]

Why would he use telegram? What is that going on? How long have you known him

[casssseydayo]

I've never asked about Telegram:( but 5months:)

[Iron_Man]

That’s hardly long at all

[casssseydayo]

I thought It was😭

[Iron_Man]

Is he really worth it think about it?

[casssseydayo]

He's rich and he's looking for monogamous relationship but he said it takes time to build attachment. he was traumatized by his previous one

[Iron_Man]

Will see some people lie be carful