Is it wrong to say no to a trip with my boyfriend and his kids?

[Anonymous]

I don't want to go because he is taking his two boys. Will it be messed up if I say no to him? He might not like it but I don't feel like traveling with his boys

[ohsheeT]

Do you Sunday want to get married to him

Look there are moments in time when we don't want to do something for whatever reasons

This is a moment in time where these boys can get to know you not as a stepmom but as a woman as a girl as a human being


Of course they're not going to like it because there's another lady with their dad besides their mom it's okay

You have to just be you you have to be a teacher a guide a person that they can look at and trust respect and have fun with this is your opportunity to be you the real you and enjoy life with their father and with them as a friend this is an opportunity for you and you just have to bend with it you have to go with it you have to become a part of it don't puss out because you know what their feelings are going to be about it

That's understandable that's going to happen so change it at first they might not like it but that's okay the first time I ate lima beans I didn't like them and I still don't like it LOL

But this is an opportunity for them to see who their dad is with what kind of woman what kind of girl what kind of relationship do they have together are they happy and they will see that they will feel that they will become that if that's what you make it

[lightbulb27]

No but you have to figure out what that all means.

I always invited my wifes kids to go on trips and I even paid for them to have some fun unique adventures. We enjoy spending time with them, educating them, playing, adventures. It does cramp at times, but that's life, it isn't always like that. There's times it was just us, and at times the kids too. Contrast that to the kids father side and his new wife didn't want to go on vaca with them. They worked that out. She ended uphaving her own baby and primarily they both focus on the baby as the others are older.

So it worked out, but you have to figure out what it means for you, how to enjoy your private time, how much time you get with just him, if you can't handle his boys. If you were pregnant, would you be happy with the situation? I'll be honest... I'd bet if he had two girls you'd think you'd be happier, until you abuse them, or have power challenges. Women are protective of their young... hormonally, can be emotionally abusive.

I've seen other nuclear families work as well. It's up to you. If it or they aren't for you, you can't handle the emotion of it or the stress... if you cannot adjust, then pre-existing kids may not be for you nor this relationship.

Are you really selfish and why?

[Sirenboobzilla]

Read your responses to everyone for more context. Only missing information is the ave of the boys. BUT, it matters very little. You've been in a relationship with this man for 2 years and seem to not want much to do with his kids. Seems to me like you're not right for eachother. Eventually, if he hasn't already, he'll feel like he has to choose between you and his kids for doing anything. That's not right. If you're knowingly dating a parent, expecially for that long, then you're knowingly signing up to be a parent.
It is 100% your right to not want to be responsible. for someone else's children. And it is also not wrong to feel that way. At that point it's on you to make sure whomever you're dating fits that.
Leave this man and let him find someone who wants to be a part of his family photos

[TrueConfection]

No, it’s not wrong at all! The boys might want to have their dad to themselves and they won’t enjoy your company if you don’t really want to be there. Your boyfriend will probably enjoy having that time with his kids and not worrying about keeping everyone happy.

I would recommend a small gift for their trip (a gift card the kids can use or a small care package for all three of them).

I think it’s good that you’re honest with yourself and your boyfriend should appreciate that too.

[AI Opinion]

My aim here on GAG is to decode messy relationship stuff and make it feel simple… and a little fun. 😉

It’s not wrong at all to say no. That’s a boundary, not a red flag. Just be honest and kind: you enjoy him, but you’re not comfortable doing a “family-style” trip yet.

If he reacts with guilt trips or lovebombing then pouting, that’s his issue, not yours.

[AviatorTom]

If you and your boyfriend are serious, then you will have to learn to live with the boys. By not going, you are telling your boyfriend you want him, but not his boys. Noman will settle for that.

You have a serious decision to make. Accept your boyfriend for who he is, a father with two sons, or break up and move on.

[Staximus]

Yep, this is one of those moments where a small choice can decide the future of a relationship

[Finchie40]

You should probably dump him and find someone that doesn’t have kids’ or has older kids’ if you don’t like being around his kids’ ,

[HighValue]

You have been together for two years, but don't want to be around his kids? So you are wasting his time when you have no intention of the relationship being serious.

Also, at your age no good quality man without kids would have any interest in you other than to use you for s3x, so consider your REALISTIC options before making a decision.

[Asker]

LOL shows how much you know. I am attractive more like NO ONE will have any interest at your old age

[Godihateyou]

Lol. Your going to die alone. Beauty fades quick. And you've been ridden so much you can't form emotional bonds.

[Screenwriter]

If you don't want to be. a substitute mom, I'd expect you might not want to go on such a trip. Seems like he might be wanting to intro you to them, but if that's not your agenda, just say you'd rather have a trip alone with him, especially if you've never done so before..

It has a lot to do with how long you've known him and how serious you two are. You have to weigh all these factors. Good luck.

[Asker]

It's a lot, we have gone on a trio just the two of us. It went okay, I find myself feeling bored in the relationship, we can't just get up and go places it's exhausting not having him alone at times so I know now I should have been more careful. It's been 2 years for us and at times I think about just breaking up with him

[Screenwriter]

Well, now you've faced the truth of him as a father. His kids are a top priority and you won't be able to have him all to yourself. If that ruins the relationship for you, then breaking up would be a sensible move, especially after you've been through the wringer with it for two years.. Good luck.

[Alex_Bright]

Yes it's messed up.
It's a package deal, not a buffet. There's no need to be their mother but at least share the holiday and get to know them. If you're not up for that, then there's no need for him to invest time in you, or make you part of his life.

[RingOfFire]

I'd have to say this is risky for the relationship. If you can't be all in with his kids, how can the relationship possibly work?

[Asker]

Thank you, yes I think about breaking up with him but then he does something where like it's hard to let him go

[RingOfFire]

That's not an unusual case for relationships. I think you need to decide whether you can make his kids an integral part of your life. Seems like he would not want the relationship if you can't. So if you can't you may have to let it go as difficult as it may be.

[RavVid]

Not at all if you don't mind him not wanting to do stuff with your family.

He might in fact be inviting you in a perfuctionary way or he might be inviting you because it is important to him you get to know his kids.

In the later case saying no is damaging.

[Anonymous]

So, you're dating a man with kids, and he wants to include you on a family trip, but you don't want to spend time with his children?

Why, exactly, are you wasting everyone's time dating a single father, if you don't like his kids? They come as a package deal. Just break up with him, so he can find a more suitable partner.

[Asker]

Right that's what I have been thinking. I thought it would be find but after 2 years of dating I see how difficult it is dating a guy with kids and autistic boys. I think about breaking up with him because our values don't align either but also like him it's tough

[Staximus]

If you have been dating this guy for a while then you’re at the place where you should accept his kids or move on. If the relationship is new then you have an excuse, but either way you’re making yourself look bad. You’re not in high school or college anymore, lots of people your age already have kids.

[Staximus]

If you don’t see a future with him AND his kids then he’s not going to see a future with you.

[Likes2drive]

Well, it’s not exactly wrong but it really depends on the relationship and if there’s any future for you two because if you don’t go and don’t get to know his boys then obviously you guys are not going to have a future together so maybe that would be the next step in breaking up if you don’t go

[Lynx122]

If you feel this way I don't think this is the right relationship. Sure you can say no once and make an excuse but the kids are not going to disappear and he's gonna notice that you keep avoiding this.

[spartan55]

So after TWO years you decide that his kids aren't fun to travel with. What exactly do you expect him to do?

[Asker]

I expected the mom to be in their life so that she could have them every other weekend but she is not in their lives so it's hard yeah I know 2 years is a long time but we all make mistakes

[spartan55]

A mistake eh? Oh
my...

[Telekinetic-Potato]

If I was dating someone who didn't want to be around my kids, they would very quietly be downgraded to sex partner.

I would take not going on the trip super personally 😂

[bowenw]

It's not wrong. It is your choice, but I suggest you reevaluate your relationship with him as it will likely be a problem if you don't want to be around his kids if your relationship with him becomes more serious.

[jahaims]

You shouldn't date someone with kids if you aren't willing to be a part of the kids lives.

[sawno]

Yes that is messed up, what kind of relationship is this? You decided to date a man who has kids, the kids come with the package.

[Intelligent_Lady]

But you know he has kids, and you chose him knowing that.

[Asker]

Right I did not think it will be this difficult sighh

[Intelligent_Lady]

Yes, but even if he has kids, he still needs to keep things in balance.

[usernameobvious]

Too many horror movies and movies about road trips being boring as hell stressed as hell

[Nerdvana]

How long have you been dating? How serious are you about this guy? Do you also have children? Have you already spent time with his kids? Do you have any issues with the kids mother?

[MysteriousDarkness]

You are not right for each other since he children that you don't want to be around. You need end the relationship and be hinest to as why you're ending it.

[slatyb]

Maybe you shouldn't be with him. The boys are part of the package.

[jshm2]

Yeah.. it's how a lot of horror movies start...

[_no_one_]

Setting boundaries, protecting soul without guilt its not selfish or rude, protecting your peace is important.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Yeah, but it sounds like a boring ass trip. Roles reversed, I'd want out too

[Asker]

exactly it sounds boring I rather go on a trip with my friend than his boys, I feel bad thinking this way

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Behaving sucks

[In_Trance]

Just keep in mind, that someday you're going to ask him to do something that he doesn't want to do and he's going to say no

[Asker]

he already has, he did not want to go to a concert with me so I am taking my niece

[exitseven]

I would fake an amputation to get out of going.

[MrChinaski]

You're 40 years old. Make good life choices.

[Iron_Man]

Obviously you don’t like his children there’s no sense of continuing the relationship any longer

[Anonymous]

Why would you settle for a man with kids anyway?

[Asker]

I know right! Did not think it would be this difficult plus I don't have kids myself so the only thing that keeps me in the relationships is that he treats me well

[Opinion Owner]

single parents need to date other single parents.

once you get married to him, you will be a step mom. Helping to support another woman's kids that you never created. If the kids are older, they usually WILL give you a hard time cuz you aren't their real mom

[sawno]

I don't agree with the single parents need to only date single parents part. Of course both not having kids is ideal since its less friction, but for a truly special person it can be worth trying and be very rewarding when it works well.

[Opinion Owner]

@sawno

It's not rewarding at all. Most of those who go for single parents tend to be old unattractive people who are too old to have kids. No top tier person with options will go for someone with kids

[PeachyPie93]

Just breakup you aren't the one for him..

[Anonymous]

Just let them hav a boys trip

It'll sound more fun for the boys probably and be some valuable bonding time

[Kingofkings1992]

Another made up GAG relationship story. Yawn 🥱

[Asker]

No lol it's actual real I'm a real person

[_Jenny_]

You don’t have to go too

[Godihateyou]

You might as well break up. Your aren't meant for each other.

[blueonblack22]

How long have you been dating him?

[molonski2]

Yep I'd say it's extremely selfish on your part.

[WhitneySnow]

It’s your choice, but he might be upset

[Darcey]

Be honest. Two boys are a handful.

[Asker]

They really are!!! I'm just sad because he treats me so well but the baggage is a lot for someone like me who loves being alone but alone but also wants someone

[MikeTheBartender]

How long you been together?

[AgentG111]

Perfectly fine to say no.

[msc545]

So don't go. He will get over it.

[DonaldDarko]

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Please don't go