My friend hid her child’s father for 4 years—should I cut ties?

[Danielle93]

They broker up for irreconciliable differences. A month later, she find out she's pregnant and ever since kept the same story that it was a ONS mistake and she doesn't know the dude.

Her daughter is now 4 years old. Somehow her ex boyfriend contacted me, asking how to reach her because the girl looks like him and other calculations he did regarding her pregnancy.

Fast-forward I helped him get a paternity test and it was positive. Upon confronting my friend about it, she finally admitted the ONS story was false. She always her ex boyfriend was the father but just didn't feel like telling her and decided to raise her daughter on her own. I'm very pissed.

The guy wants to file a lawsuit against her for never even informing him. He wants to be with his daughter and my "friend" boots him. What can be done?

[HollyK21]

None of this is your business. It doesn’t matter if he reached out to you directly, you didn’t have to reply. You didn’t even bother to ask what reason your friend would have for lying about that guy, like it could’ve been a safety issue, stalker issue, any old thing and yet you’re so hung up on vilifying someone who’s supposed to be your friend. And for what? Why are you so upset that she lied about something that literally affects you in zero way? Absolutely crazy.

[Danielle93]

I did asked her the reason. She just didn't want to tell her and prefer raising her all by herself. She wanted to co-parent with him after a break-up. She didn't want her daughter growing up with unmarried parents... absolutamently nothing to do with her safety at all.

[HollyK21]

Again — what on earth has that to do with you? It doesn’t affect your income, your livelihood, your day to day, nothing. Let them go handle it the legal way without you being some sort of middle man. You’ve gone against your friend enough.

[HollyK21]

How is she unsafe because her mom wants to raise her alone? Disagree with your friends decision all you want but you step into pretty dangerous territory once you start placing those sort of accusations. That child is not in danger, you’re just mad her mom wanted to raise her alone which again — none of your business Danielle.

[kmg9150]

You ok? She never said the child was unsafe. Why is it such a big deal that she chose to help the guy. Because he's a guy? Why do you think its ok that she kept the guy from knowing his daughter? y'all want to complain about when a giy dont take care of the kid.

[HollyK21]

Are YOU ok? The last line of what she said to me sounds like a sarcastic remark, “absolutamently nothing to do with her safety at all”. I never initially mentioned a word about safety, so why would she need to? What else am I to make of that comment? Yes, I think it’s messed up that she interjected herself into a situation that had nothing to do with her or that child’s safety. Her friend and the guy could’ve gone the legal route, he could’ve even done that on his own accord without reaching out to the friend, aka the poster. No one’s saying the guy shouldn’t be involved, but the asker did not need to be.

[HollyK21]

Nevermind, not interested in talking to you or reading all that.

[OneViewpoint]

@HollyK21,

Forget about none of her business. She has zero legal standing in any custody dispute or child support or anything else. She can be pissed at her friend all she wants but that's about the extent of her "rights", LOL. This is the parent's fight and their fight alone. A true FAFO moment that will last the rest of their lives.

[HollyK21]

I absolutely agree @OneViewpoint 🙏

[Anonymous]

Don't listen to the haters, they're acting as if mothers don't weaponize their children to get back at their ex hence the father must have done something evil. If you don't agree with what you're friend has done, then you have every right not to want to be their friend anymore. If my best friend physically abused his ex, would I be wrong to cut ties? No, and you're not wrong for cutting ties for what I would consider emotional abuse, yes a vindictive mother keeping her ex from seeing his kids is a form of emotional abuse.

[Opinion Owner]

Why do people not accept vindictive mothers exist and automatically assume the father is a bad person for not being able to see his kids? ↗

[ohsheeT]

See you have been through something in life so you understand that it's not right

But it's her business even though it's wrong it's still her business she has a reason for it but what you have to understand is the truth always comes out no matter what

[Calyptomaniac]

I am not sure why everyone's dwelling on what is or isn't your business. You're asking about cutting ties with your friend over it so it's all kinda sidetracking from your actual question.

Yes, if your friends make decisions in their life that you don't support, then don't be friends with them anymore. There's no point in it if you don't like them or respect them anymore.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you cut through drama and spot the real red flags in relationships, and wow… this is a huge one 😳

Your “friend” lied for 4 years, weaponized a fake ONS story, and deliberately kept a father from his child. That’s not a small mistake, that’s character.

You did the right thing helping him. He can absolutely go to court for custody/visitation and to be legally recognized as the father.

As for you: this is distancing-worthy. Trust is shattered. If she can lie about a whole human being, she can lie about anything.

[Jessica405]

Did they take a DNA test from the child? That is the only way to prove paternity.

[Danielle93]

Yes they did. It's positive.

[AviatorTom]

Why do you want to cut ties if she's your friend?

[loveslongnails]

There are very many legal questions leaping out of this story. Let's start here:
" I helped him get a paternity test ". In what way? Did you direct him to get legal advice, or did you steal something with the child's DNA on it so he do a comparison? The fact that you said " ... upon confronting my friend" leads me to believe that your friend had no knowledge a DNA test was taking place.

Please elaborate on this so I have the facts. I can tell you this much - if you DID actually take the child's DNA without your friend's consent , YOU have committed a crime.

I couldn't agree more with HollyK21on this; it's none of your business. Your reply to him reaching out to you should have been something like " If you want to contact her, do it through legal channels. If she's chosen not to contact you for 4 years, I'm not going to betray her decision no matter what you wish to know". That's what you should have said and done, in my opinion. The only additional thing would be to mention to her, your friend, that he reached out to you, and why. Your duty was to your friend, not him. Once you relayed that info, don't ask if it's true; it's none of your business!!

Since you didn't do that, and were now armed with the accusation that it might be his kid, later to find out that it was, you put yourself in the position of judging her initial decision without knowing the facts. So now that you DO know that facts, you wonder if you should cut ties with HER for not being forthcoming about something that's none of your business? Ha.

If anything, your friend should cut ties with YOU, especially if your helping him involved the theft of DNA, which I do not know at this time.

[PlacentaSalad]

Contrary to some of the "opinions" here, I think you did a good thing in helping someone who needed the assistance. Your friend lied about her conception and decided to raise the child alone when the father was not given any sort of opportunity to even sign his rights away or help in her raising. This is a blatant violation of his parental rights, especially because you know now that he would have wanted to be involved in his daughter's life.

Just because you are friendly with someone doesn't mean you need to cover up for their wrongdoings or support them when you know something is morally incomprehensible.

As for the next step, it's really something he needs to seek legal counsel on. He can't just barge into his daughter's life now without supporting any sort of narrative your friend might create against him, for if she lied initially, she can't really be trusted anymore to tell the truth about him or the situation.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

This is the state of child custody in the State of MN. The automatic custody goes to the unwed mother. She is given the legal right to do whatever she likes with the child.

It would appear in this case, she chose to use that to her advantage, in what would appear to be an attempt to remove accountability from her choices.

It's quite typical behavior of single mother's. It is parental alienation at its purest form. Which is is also considered the highest form of parental narcissism.

While it's a tough pill to swallow, the father in this case will live a more peaceful life not being involved with such a woman. Unfortunately, that would mean sacrificing his child, but that is the cost of his decision also.

[AlperHan]

The biggest victim here isn't you, the mother, or even the father. It's the child. Every child deserves the chance to know both parents unless there's a genuine safety issue. Personal feelings should never outweigh a child's rights.

[Danielle93]

Indeed. The poor child is the innocent party there.

[RavVid]

It comes under the umbrella of paternity fraud. Which ever way it goes, it is wrong. Whether it is telling a man he is the father when he isn't or not telling a man he is the father when he is. Or not telling the group of men it is uncertain but he is part of the panel.

I'm surprised so many are supporting paternity fraud.

[Danielle93]

and the one suffering the most is always the poor, innocent child who didn't ask to be born under those circumstances

[RavVid]

Oh entirely so. There is unlikely to be a mature man in the child's life. It is quite possible for a boy to not have a that for the first 25 years of his life.

[fonduegirl]

you ever hear the phrase "not my monkey not my circus"?

if you want my opinion on the situation, no woman enjoys raising a child all by herself. there could be a serious reason as to why she took the decision. if the child's safety is compromised in the near future, everyone will blame you. happy interfering

[midnightmoon05]

The guy can file. Good luck… and hope the kid is doing well. I am all about the kid.

as for you… you are an adult. You can do whatever you want with the friend.

if you can be an “aunt” to the little girl and help her out… that would be wonderful.

[Screenwriter]

You have to determine if this ends your friendship or not. I can't fathom why someone would prevent the father from being involved in a chid's life unless they were criminal or an unresolved drug addict. Other than that, I can't determine why she made such a decision and lied about it.

He has to seek legal solutions. That's his only resolution for him.

[WhitneySnow]

He can sue for custody. Is she a good friend besides this? She may have had her reasons. Ask her why she did it before you end the friendship.

[SamIam96]

It seems like you thrive on chaos. Why can't you mind your own business?

Are your friendships really that disposable?

[fonduegirl]

she wants you to tell her she is a good person

[Anonymous]

He needs to file for joint custody and visitation rights and stress visitation rights otherwise the gender biased corrupt judges won't grant it to him

And by the way gender biased corrupt judges always favor the woman's side 95% of the time. (400+ judges confirmed it themselves)

[Opinion Owner]

He could also sue her for child support money when the time comes when he gets joint custody and visitation rights

[jshm2]

You look in the mirror, and slap yourself hard on each cheek.

One for interfering in others private business. Two for being such a poor judge of character.

[Sophiaishere]

Why would you cut tues if she's your friend and also you do not know the situation she was in with the ex. this is none of your concern just don't get involved in that situation and if your friend is a good person then why would you cut ties.

[HollyK21]

Well said. Why is this so hard for the men to understand💀

[fonduegirl]

he could be a real jerk lol

[Kaneki05]

So you're helping the ex instead of your friend?
Think she's the one who needs to cut ties with you...

[Kassandra1994]

I dont balme her what if the childs father had a toxic mother?

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Brutal! Just make sure dude knows what he's signing up for trying to co-parent with such a despicable woman.

[Danielle93]

What she did makes her disgusting. I feel so disappointed to have ever consider her a close friend and shared secrets with her.
If she can keep a child away from a father for 4 years what else would she do to friends?

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

You aren't a friend to people who can do that. You're fuel.

[kmg9150]

Holly2k1 it ain't that serious, hope you have a better day now.

[LC75LC71]

Girl you won't believe what my friend of a sister did that I heard of from her mother! This is gossip when a team of women get together.

[Staximus]

It’s none of your business so stay out of it

[Anonymous]

well you just lost someone who has got your back. mind your own business.

[Anonymous]

How is any of this your business?

[Danielle93]

If that was the case then why would the dude contact me? My friend had blocked him. I found out the truth through him. So in that case, it did became my business. An innocent child was deliberately kept away from her father for 4 years and that's disgusting behavior.

[fonduegirl]

because he knew he could exploit your attention seeking needs lol

[Kelly6]

@Danielle93 Not Your business

[_Jenny_]

Why do you care about her

[FrodoSkywalker007]

Some women love chaos.

[Bklynbadboy12]

She's a liar dump her

[eagle1951]

stay out of it

[fonduegirl]

exactly