My ex says he’s changed and wants marriage—should I trust him again?

[PinkNoir]

I left him over a year ago because he became terrible. He claims he treated me terrible because he was convinced I cheated. He says he's been in therapy and is a better person. He has had a relationship since we broke up so I don't see how's he's been doing the work to actually change. He said he realized he can't replace me and he wants to get married and start a family. I use to want to marry him. But I can't see myself trusting him again. He asked me to let him prove himself to me. But I fear he'll fake it just to get me then become terrible again. I don't know if it's worth putting time and effort. He really had me in a dark place last year but things with him use to be amazing.

[HollyK21]

If I were you I would absolutely leave that door shut. I see no benefit in welcoming back the same toxic man who’d put me in the dark place that I’d spent over a year trying to pull myself out of. He is only back now because his other relationship didn’t work out, and I’m willing to bet she left him because he showed her the same terrible behavior he showed you. If he were really such a changed, fantastic man they’d still be together, because the average woman is not walking away from a perfectly healthy, happy, prosperous relationship for no good reason. You’ve worked really hard to get to where you are now, don’t flush it all down the toilet just because he’s got some nice words to say. He has not changed.

[PinkNoir]

Thank you. You're right. I just keep thinking about what if. In reality he has shown me in the past what he's capable of.

[Masie]

Gosh. Not knowing him or you it is really hard to give you advice. I honestly think this is one you will have to answer on your own. I would be afraid to say go for it and then have something terrible happen again.

My initial instinct is to say no. I find most people have a hard time really changing. That and he obviously has trust issues. I assume those were unwarranted. That is a big change to make. Most can't fix insecurities. Wish you the best.

[PinkNoir]

Thank you I've been thinking it over and I'd do my self a disservice if I took him back. Maybe he has changed but it's too late regardless. I just keep thinking about what if.

[Masie]

I understand that what if but that is a two way street. You could be asking what if I didn't take him back after you do and find he didn't change. You know?

[MountainMetal]

As a stranger on the internet this is not an easy decision. I could see arguments for both, I honestly would ask your therapist if you have one. And I would write down the pros and cons of being with him on paper. Lastly I want you to think of the worst it has ever been with them and ask yourself would you be able to sever the connection before it gets that bad again. Good luck

[PinkNoir]

Not in therapy currently but I'm planning on getting back to it. I actually did a pros and cons list the other day. Their were way more cons

[OneViewpoint]

You know the answer to your own question. Now go stand in front of a mirror and slap yourself silly until you come to your senses. Don't get scammed twice by the same guy. Have some self respect and some boundaries.

[PinkNoir]

My gut tells me to let him go. You're right.

[bowenw]

That is a tough one. I think you should follow your heart and gut. If you don't feel any connection with him and have big concerns, you probably should stay away from him and keep moving forward with your life.

[PinkNoir]

My gut tells me he's telling me half truths. It's hard to believe his temper is under control.

[bowenw]

Based on your description of him, I believe you are correct about the half truths.

[PinkNoir]

Thank you for your advice. I really needed to see what people thought who doesn't know either of us.

[bowenw]

My pleasure. All the best to you.

[PinkNoir]

Thank you

[beenherebefore]

Judging by your post I think you already checked out from that relationship long ago. Not everybody deserves a second chance and perhaps would be best for you to move on and let him learn his lesson.

[PinkNoir]

I think you're right. I've worked hard to get over him. I'm not completely but with more time I will be. I think I struggle because he was my only relationship.

[beenherebefore]

This type of situation happens to a lot of us at some point in our lives. Trust me when you look back you'll realized you've made the right decision.

[Kvass]

Lol he’s not changed girl, he’s just lonely, lonely and horny

[PinkNoir]

You're probably right.

[Nikki1989]

Don't be a sucker. Let him go and find someone more deserving of your time.

[PinkNoir]

Yeah I gave him chances in the past trying again now would be a waste of time

[Anonymous]

When a guy come backs , it’s not because he loves you because he knows he can’t find better and u will tolerate his shit

[PinkNoir]

You're probably right. I need to let him go.

[Opinion Owner]

How do u both look

[PinkNoir]

Wym look? About the same attractiveness I think.

[Opinion Owner]

Why did u love him so much. Are u sure there’s no uncleared air

[PinkNoir]

Probably because he's my first and only relationship

[Opinion Owner]

How does he look

[Opinion Owner]

He can’t replace you? Which means he understood u are the best his loser ass can get. He was keeping u as a backup all this while waiting to see if better comes along

[Anonymous]

No absolutely not. Don’t even be in contact with him.

[PinkNoir]

Yeah, I should probably go no contact again. I've been feeling like he's just telling me what I want to hear.

[Paige2006]

People don't permentally change... only temporary.

[dudeinohio]

He didn't change

[PinkNoir]

My gut says the same

[dudeinohio]

Listen to your gut.