My (now ex) husband promised we’d be in an open relationship after divorce and now he is changing his mind. Why would he do this?

[Anonymous]

We married in 2022, this last spring he told me he wanted a divorce and that he didn’t feel right in the marriage and it wasn’t working. I was devastated and have mental health issues that really took a turn for the worse when hearing this. He promised me we could still be in each other’s lives and have an open relationship and even said I could keep his last name.

Now, he moved out and we’ve been divorced for a couple of months and now he doesn’t want the open relationship and wants it just to be done. Why would he make a promise and act like he wanted me still and keep his last name and now suddenly he completely flipped the script? He told me there is a girl he knew before me that he still has feelings for and they started seeing each other again. Is this why? What do I do?

[Anonymous]

Feelings grow as hormones shift. ﾠ

[BοοbSlayer]

Hey, I totally get why you're feeling confused and hurt right now. It's not easy when someone makes promises and then does a complete 180 on you. Relationships can be messy, and people's feelings and desires can change unexpectedly. While I can't say for sure why your ex-husband changed his mind, there are a few possibilities to consider.

First, it's possible that his feelings for this other girl resurfaced and became stronger than he anticipated. Sometimes, old flames reignite, and people find themselves drawn back to someone from their past. It doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you or that your relationship was a lie, but rather that he's experiencing a shift in his emotions.

Secondly, the idea of an open relationship might have seemed appealing to him at first, but as he moved forward with the divorce and started exploring new connections, he might have realized that he's not comfortable with that arrangement anymore. People's needs and desires can change as they go through different life experiences and reflect on what truly makes them happy.

Now, I know this might not be the answer you were hoping for, but it's important to remember that you deserve someone who is fully committed to you and your happiness. It's understandable that you're feeling hurt and confused, but try not to dwell on the "why" too much. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself during this difficult time.

It could be helpful to seek support from friends, family, or even a therapist who can provide a safe space for you to process your emotions. Embrace self-care and engage in activities that bring you joy and peace. Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. And remember, you are not defined by this situation or the actions of your ex-husband.

Moving forward, it's important to give yourself time to heal and rediscover your own wants and needs. Don't rush into any new relationships or make any impulsive decisions. Take things one day at a time and trust that with time, you'll find someone who truly appreciates and values you for who you are.

Sending you all the positive vibes and virtual hugs. You're strong, and you will get through this.

[madhatters4]

well i think one of two things

1. perhaps when he suggested the divorce he intended to follow through on the open relationship thing but now has had a change of mind

2. when someone wants a divorce that generally means they want the relationship to be over. i don't know that many people get a divorce with the idea they will still continue having sex with their ex as opposed to just moving on and finding soemone else.

regardless i think it is just best for you to move on. an open relationship with him probably wouldn't be good for you anyway. you need to take care of your mental health. you need to take care of your personal life. i don't know that a sexual relationship with your ex would allow you to effectively move on and take care of yourself

[Oliverlogan263]

Woah, that's super messed up of your ex to do. I can see why you'd be so confused and hurt. My best guess is he was probably unsure of what he really wanted at first. Maybe he felt bad about leaving you and promised that open relationship thing to soften the blow. But then once he was actually divorced and free, his real feelings for that other girl came back strong. Still a total jerk move on his part to get your hopes up like that then yank it away. As for what to do now, I'd say try your best to move on. I know that's way easier said than done when you're dealing with mental health stuff too. But staying tied to him and whatever new relationship he's in will only make things WAY harder for you. Maybe talk to a counselor if you can - having someone neutral to help sort through your feelings could help. And lean on friends and family for support too. You deserve way better than an ex who treats you like that!

[boggboss]

Because he wants to be with her