How long should I wait for my ex to decide on getting back together?

[Anonymous]

Me and my ex recently got in contact. We’ve hung out a few times, and we discussed potentially reopening the relationship. He said he needs time, I respect that, but how long can one wait before ultimately deciding to move on? It’s been a little under a week.

[AI Opinion]

My aim on GAG is to help you dodge emotional limbo and spot red flags before they bite 😏

A week is nothing, but don’t let this turn into emotional ghosting in slow motion. Give it 2–3 weeks max of clear, consistent effort from him. If he’s hot-and-cold, vague, or stalling, that’s your sign to move on. You’re reopening a relationship, not putting your heart on layaway, babe 💋

[AviatorTom]

"A little under a week" is no time at all. If you really want him in a relationship, at least give him a month. Then you decide if you continue to wait or explore other options.

[OlderAndWiser]

Why did you break up? How long ago? What has changed since then?

[Asker]

We broke up about 8 months ago. At the time, I was emotionally checked out and felt like I’d lost myself in the relationship. We also struggled with communication. Since then, we’ve both had time apart, built lives outside the relationship, matured, and had honest conversations about what happened.

[OlderAndWiser]

Of course you have changed a bit in the past 8 months but you are still the same person that you were then, and he is the same, also. If you reunite, the odds are overwhelming that the same conflicts will arise (but even quicker this time) and the result will be the same.

However, when you look back on the relationship, most people focus on the good times and they minimize the bad times. So, you will probably convince yourself that a reunion makes sense. If it doesn't work, learn a lesson from the experience.

When I was younger, I reunited a few times. Despite my optimism, it never worked. If you think it will be different for you, then try it. . . but hold back a bit and don't dive deep into it too quickly.

What is his reason for hesitating about the reunion?

[Asker]

Well he broke no contact on my birthday and initially we’d decided after that we’d keep our lives separate. It was of course sad, but it’s concrete, it’s something you can move on with because you’re not put in an emotional limbo. 2-3 weeks after that he randomly sent me a message asking me if I was busy and inviting me over for dinner. I was sceptical, but curious. I went and it was nice of course. I left the next day, and I told him immediately that I needed to know what I was dealing with, and meeting just because we miss each other would do more harm than good. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship and contacted me because it was nice seeing me the last time.

We met up the next day to talk about it, where we were at and expressed our opinions where I stated that I need clarity.

A few days after that I kind of wanted to present the idea of trying again. Not to convince him, but tell him what I want and what that would look like. He said he’s open to windows of contact, couldn’t promise me anything, but said he’d have to think about it.

A day after that he texted and asked to hang out. We did, he left the next day, and since then he’s disappeared and said he needs time to think about what’s gonna happen forward.

[OlderAndWiser]

It sounds like he misses having sex with you.

[RavVid]

A week is a very short time. Do you know what he needs time from?

HINT: It is going to be something about you obviously. Has to be. Maybe you dumped him or he dumped you or it was mutual.

But do you know what the underlying cause is? Often there is a superficial reason and a deeper more important underlying reason. Our emotional response in our unconscious mind decides a good loving boyfriend/girlfriend wouldn't do that.

So look deeply into yourself I suggest and as best as you can into him by transposing yourself to be him looking at you. Than consider if you can both change so you don't have friction.

[Asker]

I understand very well that a week isn't a lot, because it isn't. But my expectation wasn't to jump into a relationship overnight. I told him I wanted to 'start from 0' meaning we'd take it slow, meet here and there, and talk to see where it naturally leads. That’s why I’m conflicted on how long I should 'wait.' It feels like his need for 'thinking time' is stalling even the basic process of getting to know each other again, which is what I’m struggling to balance.

[RavVid]

I can see that. Some of that thinking time for both of you, is going to go how much you miss each other. Like how much you contributed to his life and he to yours. Distance can give clarity.

So I'd counsel that 'thinking time' is valuable if you are both considering a long term. Typically the dumper is going to need less time than the dumpee. The dumpee prbly needs to see the dumper showing up more to start re-investing. But the dumper may have seen bad boyfriend/girlfriend traits that prompted dumping and need the same in reverse.

The unconscious mind calls the shots in sexual attraction. I fancy him/her takes less than a second. Our conscious mind just puts conscious excuses on top of the unconscious mind's decision.

I'm pretty convinced our unconscious mind makes good/bad boyfriend/girlfriend decisions as well. Like she is showing off her body to other guys; he drools over bigger tits than mine.

I want you to be consciously aware that your unconscious mind is making a lot of decisions instinctively without you being aware of it most of the time.

As an example, a girlfriend would cook for me and I really liked that gesture of care from her. But she would never serve up for me which kinda destroyed first part of the gesture... to me.

Somewhere in my unconscious I was thinking bad girlfriend, bad girlfriend for that. When I became aware of that, it just ceased to be a problem.

For you, I just want you to be aware of how critical the unconscious mind is so as you make the best decision for you. Your conscious mind is coming up with 'how long should I give him?' in response to stuff your unconscious is objecting to.

Best good fortune :)

[Maybe_Maybe_not]

A week, a month, a year, there's no good answer, just personal ones.

If my belief/hope was strong for this relationship, I could postpone for a year, I'm saying postponing and not waiting, because technically I'm not waiting, my life goes on while she makes up her mind

[ChicoFromThe305]

Sounds like he's looking for something else and commitment isn't one of them, don't have sex with him until he accepts the commitment, trust this process

[Asker]

damn I mean too late. We haven’t met much, but he broke no contact 2 weeks after saying we should move on by inviting me over for dinner. I told him I need to know what I’m dealing with, and if this isn’t going towards something I would rather not, so now he’s ‘thinking’.

[ChicoFromThe305]

You cooked yourself, he's gonna keep coming back for that puh and hopefully not but I suspect he's gonna keep postponing the commitment

[Asker]

Well if he doesn’t say anything within 2 weeks I’m simply moving on, but I’m just asking because is that a fair time frame for myself?

[ChicoFromThe305]

Next time he comes leeching around for some puh you should deny it, stand your ground to it and say you don't wanna do that anymore without commitment, see how he reacts

[choco-latte]

Give it a month and see what happens or how it develops. If there is nothing by 3 months then for sure move on.

[Nikki1989]

You don't wait at all. Either get back together or meet someone else.

[WhitneySnow]

Give him at least a month

[WhitneySnow]

But nothing sexual during the time while he’s deciding

[In_Trance]

Smh. About 3 seconds.

Move on