Should I wait for my ex to make up his mind to be with me? Please help!

[KimK14]

My boyfriend of one year broke up with me last week and we finally talked last night about it but he said that at the end of our relationship he started losing feelings for me and wasn't sure if he loved me more as a friend or something more. He said he felt lost and confused and needed a couple of days to see what he felt but he still wants to keep contact with me by texting and calling. I'm super confused. Is he playing games? How can only a few days change his mind? I feel that if you are having doubts about loving a person you don't love them enough or at all. Should I stay and wait for an answer or should I move on from this guy who doesn't know what he wants? I love him very much and I am willing to make it work but I don't know if its worth it when he gave up on the relationship when things got hard. Please help!

[madhatters4]

I think you need to ask yourself have things changed recently in your relationship that may have led to him feeling unsure about the relationship?

Like the one guy answered he could be just stringing you along. But for a guy to date someone for a year just to dangle them while they see what is out there (for a few days) doesn't ring true to me. It sounds like for him something happened that his feelings have changed a bit and he feels like he needs some time to get his head together or reflect on those feelings. Heck maybe he's going throuh something at home and is really just trying to get his bearings.

I think for your sake you should say ask a few things.

A. That this break is more of time to reflect, which means he can't go out pursuing other girls and hooking up is absolutely off the table, otherwise you're out. A break isn't a hall pass it's a time to reflect

B. There is a time limit on this. Since you've been together for a year you can be patient while he ponders whatever it is he is pondering (after all if you needed space you would want him to respect that) but you guys need to stay in touch and the break can't be for much more than one week, 2 at max

You don't have to be in favor of a break and you well within your rights to be taken off guard or be upset but relationships don't always run smoothly and sometimes some time to gather one's thoughts, bearings and reflect are necessary. Just make sure you protect yourself and don't let him take advantage of this situation

[stubbsy]

Guys who do this are just keeping you available for them, just incase nothing better comes along, so really you should state to him that it was his choice, he made his bed, so he now needs to sleep and it, and tell him, your not happy about the break up, but your strong enough to move on and that's what you intend to do, because like you say, if he has doubts, then there's nothing really strong enough to keep you together, all he will do is keep you close enough to come back to you when he feels he needs you, and if your emotions are needy of him, you will allow this to happen unless you move on now, you have talents, they won't go un-noticed, so go get the guy who believes he's worthy of you, not one whos thinking, are you worthy of him,x

[madhatters4]

i'd agree but why would a guy date someone for a year just to pull this? I think he could be doing what you're saying or maybe they've hit a rough patch and he needs some time to reflect.

[stubbsy]

Why would a guy need time to reflect, since when is anyone unsure of their feelings to the extent they want to remain friends, the only time this happens is when he is simply stringing her along incase he doesn't end up with something better. Not the way to treat any woman in my book, be genuine or be forgotten, its really that simple, its just a shame that not more women take that approach towards men like this.

[madhatters4]

my girlfriends baby sister died of cancer. there was a period after that where she wasn't sure how she felt, if she could be in a relationship, etc. I told her to take some time to go through things and I will be there for her. one 1/2 weeks later she said sorry I needed some time myself, I hope you still want to be with me

[madhatters4]

i'm not saying your opinion (or the one shared by several others is wrong) I just think that it isn't always so open and shut. Some people will use a "break" as leverage to do what they want and string someone along. Some people truly need time to evaluate or reevaluate

[stubbsy]

Your talking about a females maternal instict to have a natural emotional connection, and she has just lost that connection, of course she's not going to be able to fuction emotionally after that, but this is a guy wanting to be friends until he makes up his mind on what he wants. Two different ends of any spectrum, there's your girlfriend, and this dude being an ass, no comparisent I am afraid.

[stubbsy]

If that was the case, then the option of being friends would not be an option for him, he wouldn't want to spoil what he already has by asking for a friendship, he would simply ask for space and put it in a way that reassured her that nothings wrong, he just needs a little time alone for whatever reason, because breaking up to have a little space is un-acceptable where a relationship is concerned, its either all or nothing, fix it or throw it away, no breaks, just maturity and effort.

[Anonymous]

"How can only a few days change his mind?" – you're right, they can't.

You should never ever wait for a guy who has "doubts". The right guy will never have doubts about his feelings and will never feel the need to dangle the need to dangle the sword of Damocles above your head. I feel that once a guy does this whole "I have doubts; I need some time to figure things out; I need space" charade, things are doomed to failure. They might work out again for a short period of time, but it's really only a matter of time until he starts having his doubts again, or then totally unexpectedly decides that it is now over.

I speak from experience. My ex started having doubts, then told me everything was OK, then started having doubts again, then within a couple of days dumped me. When I look back now, I wish I had left the first time I told me about his doubts and demanded space to think. I felt horrible during that time, and there was nothing I could do. Yet I waited for him to make up his mind, only to be dumped six months later. Never again.

I don't think your ex is worth it. I don't think any man (or person, for that matter) is worth it. The person who is worth it won't do that to you!

[JoSteffi]

At this time I think you should just take a little time out from the dating world. Tell him that you think it would be best if the two of you don't talk until he has made up his mind because he's making it difficult on you. While he's taking his time figuring out what he wants, keep yourself occupied and try not to think about him put your mind on a vacation. Don't wait for longer than 2 weeks. If he hasn't contacted you with an answer then you should start the healing process. And it will be so much easier for you at that point because you're distancing yourself from now.

I know it sounds hard but it's the best thing you can do. Try not to go boyfriend hunting at this point, because if he does realize that he loves you too then you might just end up in a love triangle. As for him changing his mind so sudden, there's the possibility that there is someone else in the picture. Maybe a new crush or an old flame. Don't ask him about this though as this might just push him away. Give him a 2 weeks breather then ask him what's going on.

[nicole1992]

I just went through the EXACT same thing as you. My guy said he fell out of love with me so we agreed to break up. I was completely heart broken because we dated for almost a year and a half. He said he needed some space, so that's what I gave him. The next day he texted me saying he wants to be friends...two days later he said he wants to meet and talk. We talked and both admitted that we love each other but this is the best for now. It's been a week and a half and we continue to hang out/ text all the time. For us, we did agree that if I worked on myself we will get back together and we agreed to not sleep with other people.

Long story short, guys need space when they ask for it. I'm sure he still loves you, but like he said, he needs to figure out his feelings. At least he's being honest with you. As far as what you should do...what do you think is right? Could you see yourself being happy with someone else at this point, or would it be better to improve yourself and do things that make you happy?

[CrystalMinds]

He already broke up with you because his feelings were fading, and now he keeps you hanging on until he decides to cut you off completely?

I say: keep the honours to yourself and tell him you need an answer asap, today, now, yesterday, he shouldn't keep you hanging on.

His feelings are fading, for all you know he already made his mind up but is too afraid to tell you or doesn't even bother to tell you. If his feelings aren't really there anymore, what's the point in trying again? Just imagine him giving in and telling you to give it another go, you'll be thrilled, so happy, and a couple of days/weeks later he tells you that he made a mistake and he's not feeling it anymore AGAIN. Imagine how devastated you'll be...

My advice? Talk to him today or asap and tell him that you need to know now. He already had a few days and you're sick of waiting until he makes up his mind. He doesn't know what he want, do you really want to spend more time on that?

[billabong52]

Sometimes guys have doubts, and if you love him give him some space, and then he will definitely call you to let you know what's going on with hm. You can't waste your time second guessing what's going on in his head. That's why you have to step back and wait a little bit. I would give it a time frame, say a couple of weeks. Then if you haven't heard from him you can decide if you want to wait longer or move on. I've been where you are and its no fun especially when you care deeply for them.

[Anonymous]

Run away! Any man that causes drama is nothing but a little kid. Move on and get some real action without the drama.