Stuck in an unhappy marriage after 23 years—what can I do?

[Anonymous]

I'm married 23 years and it's not getting any better
It's only getting worse

The cracks that were there at the start are just getting bigger

Apart from marriage everything else in my life is going great
My job, my kids, my bank account

[genericname85]

I mean what are the cracks and what did you try to fix them? I know talk is cheap and it's easy for me to say. Having a good relationship is constant conscious effort. I don't think it's ever completely effortless. So maybe you wanna talk about it. If no, that's fine but obviously from the information you gave, there's not much to say.

[Asker]

The unhappiness is there isn't sexual attraction

I need sex, so we do have sex
But I fancy other women
I don't want to turn my life upside down and leave the family home

[genericname85]

But is the sex life you're having with your partner satisfying? Like if it isn't, that needs work, if it's just that you are attracted to other girls, that's not an issue. I get being attracted to other women. That's normal dude. Loyalty in a happy marriage doesn't mean never finding other women attractive. It means not fucking other girls and staying faithful to your wife anyway.

[AviatorTom]

Separate, and divorce. It's better than staying in a lose-lose situation.

Divorce doesn't have to be nasty. My then-wife and I amicably divorced after 20+ years of marriage and 3 kids.

[EmmaMary]

I don't understand if the cracks were there in the first place, why you even got married.

Passing deepest sympathies to your poor suffering wife.

[Asker]

You are identical to the Nikki 🙂

You guys are glued to this website?

[EmmaMary]

As one might say "Great Minds Think Alike"!

[Asker]

Haha
I heard that before
And like I also heard
Fools seldom differ
That's an old one

[Asker]

I think every relationship has some cracks

[EmmaMary]

Thank you for the MHO.

[Nikki1989]

If there were cracks at the start, why did you stay married?

You poor wife. FFS!

[Nikki1989]

*Your

[Asker]

It's always you two 🙂

You and Emma
Like you have an alert for any anti woman post

[AI Opinion]

I’m here on GAG to help you untangle messy love stuff without sugarcoating it.

After 23 years, those “cracks” aren’t cracks anymore, they’re patterns. You’ve got three real options: try *serious* change (individual and couples therapy, real talks, clear boundaries), choose to stay but stop expecting romance and treat it as a partnership, or prepare for separation.

Don’t gaslight yourself just because everything else looks perfect. Your happiness in love still matters.

[Anonymous]

Get a divorce or move out and live in an open relationship. At 45 you still have plenty of time and many women are interested in a man that age. Not me because I'm too young but women who are 35 or so.

[Kvass]

If divorce isn't an option, you may need to live separately for your mental health.

[Asker]

Actually we almost live separate lives
Still sleep same bed
I haven't worn my wedding ring in 3 years
And each evening she stays upstairs
And I stay downstairs

[Kvass]

Why don't you divorce, may I ask?

[Asker]

I was going to ask you
What do you mean my
"If divorce isn't an option"

And to answer your question
I don't want upheaval in my life
Like if it ain't broke
It's kinda broke
Like I have children and their well-being is my priority
I earn the money
I love them
What else can I say

[Asker]

Divorce is always an option

[Kvass]

It seemed like you weren’t really open to divorce since you’re still together. Personally I’d divorce. Kids deserve a peaceful home and if parents can’t provide that, divorce is better option. Being under the same roof doesn’t automatically make a family healthy.
I know couples who divorced and were happier afterward, and their kids were better off too.

[Asker]

But we're not fighting

It seems like you're not really listening