Am I the only younger woman who is disgusted by older men?

[Anonymous]

I guess I should clarify.

I'm disgusted by the situation of older men leaving older women specifically for younger women, in overwhelming numbers. Or the situation of older men only seeking younger women for potential partners. I know its a reality and standard in society, but I just really don't like the idea that as we get older, we become worth less, as women. Men don't have to deal with that. I could cry all day about how its not fair, but that doesn't even scratch the surface, honestly. It's like, oh great, I have yet another thing to bitch about concerning men. I never want to say "men are pigs" but well...There are some naively arrogant women around my age (I'm 21) who go on and on about how much better they are than older women. A girl in my class the other day actually said she doesn't blame older men for hitting on her because "who wants to have sex with an old leather bag?" I've never been one to bite my tongue, and so this wasn't going to be any different. I asked her, what about her mother and her aunts and cousins, etc.? If her dad decided to leave her mom for a younger woman how would she feel? I told her, what is she going to do when the years catch up with her. Some people age well (my parents are both very attractive and look half their age) but in general many people become wrinkly and lose whatever features that made them good looking before, which she should really be concerned about because she's not that attractive anyway. I wish I could tell you her response but to be honest I was standing by the door, and after I ranted all that for a few seconds, I just ended with "No wonder older men like you, you're dumb as f***." And then I walked out the door. *shrug*

It's just something I've noticed over the years. And maybe its partly me projecting my subconscious fears of being an old lady tossed to the side one day in the future. that's probably true, but its still a valid grievance, regardless.

It's hard for me to even take seriously the notion that an older guy who claims to like me is even taking me seriously. I'm skeptical about the whole thing and I think being a part of it (dating any older guy that I may like) is paradoxical - how can I complain about older men choosing younger women over older women, and then date an older guy, whom I may really like? It's an issue.

What are your opinions on this?

[l-hedoniste]

I don't go looking for younger women, but I don't turn them down either. Fact is, younger women often seek me out, and why not? I don't yell, -ever-. I don't pout or throw tantrums, -ever-. I don't play mind games, -ever-. I don't shift blame. I don't lay guilt trips. I don't get jealous. I'm not a control freak.

Women dating me never, ever have to deal with my issues; I have all that capped and under control. I am, in short, a mature adult, and if some chicks dig that, then fine. Why shouldn't they?

By the way, something you ought to know:

"who wants to have sex with an old leather bag?"

A: A guy who avoids the kind of shallow bitch who would ask this question.

Want to know the secret to aging well? Here it is, for free: Over the long run, it's better to be good than hot.

Bodies age, looks fade. And over the long run, a nice rack and a tight ass won't pay my mortgage, or parent my children, or sit at my bedside if I get hit by a bus.

So when a guy matures, he stops looking at T&A and begins looking for a Good Woman, a woman who's steady, loyal, sane, wise, and pleasant. When we're settling in for the long haul--wife, home, kids, growing old together--being hot doesn't matter, at all. A Good Woman, that's all we want.

An example: two guys are married with families; one married a hottie, the other, a Good Woman. Katrina hits. Or he falls off a ladder at work. Or gets laid off. Or their child has a birth defect. Or is an adolescent criminal f*ckup. The rough part of life happens, as it always does.

Hottie packs up the kids and leaves; she didn't sign up for this. The Good Woman bites down and holds home and family together. She DID sign up for this, it's what makes her a Good Woman in the first place. She sticks to her man. She shares the load. She doesn't run, she just toughens. She has the "for better or for worse" part figured out. Her family may struggle, but it never unwinds, it never shatters.

That's the woman you make a home with, damn how she looks. Again, hot doesn't keep the family together or withstand tragedy, and it certainly doesn't age gracefully. Only a Good Woman does that.

[Asker]

Um, okay...

[Married-in-PA]

I think you are way off on this... I am 39 and happily married. I truly and honestly love my wife (she's actually 41 - older than me). Since you seem so deeply concerned about this - let me just lay out some facts for you from my perspective...

1. If I were single I wouldn't date a girl under 35 - because she just wouldn't be experienced enough for me. (And I don't just mean sex).

2. Sure - I LOOK at younger women all the time, but to be honest, that's just passing fancy. Besides, I am an ass man right through my soul - and most young babes just don't have the hips and ass of a mature woman. And I gotta have that to be happy. (And believe me, my wife has a 10 for an ass!)

3. Besides, I prefer the allure of an older woman... she more established, not conflicted, knows who she is and what she wants. You younger babes are still learning - and some of you are drama mommas to the extreme (no offense meant - it's the TRUTH).

4. Lastly, you should realize that love - true love, mind you - is boundless. It knows no limitations, and it isn't based on material things at all... After 14 years of marriage, I can tell you that my wife is my very best friend that I have ever had, and there is no power on Earth, there's not a woman alive that would ever take me from her.

I hope this helps your perspective a little - sure, SOME older guys will hunt for drastically younger babes... but I've got news for you... that gets old (no pun intended). That's just sport f**king, it's got nothing to do with love.

[Asker]

lmao at #2 and #4, first. I'm glad you're not interested in younger women. Trust me, I'm comfortable with who I am, there's nothing you could really say to offend me, least of all as a stranger online. It's good that you prefer women within your age bracket. It doesn't really help, just because I'm ultimately going off of what I see in the world and what I have experienced, but it's nice that you are that way. I already know that not everyone is the way I explained, but a lot are.

[Misty_04]

I am sure you are not the only one. Personally I think if older men can pull younger women then good for them. Though my opinion is probably due to my age and the fact that I have yet to experience being tossed aside for a younger, better model and the bitterness that undoubtably comes with that. I did see my father do it to my mother a few times until she snapped and I remember reasuring her of her beauty and worth every day.

[taster]

Good Answer! I like to look at you 19-year-olds...even if I do have one foot in the grave..O:O...but...it would be difficult for us to be a couple wouldn't it? Our priorities and interests would be so different...I mean I really like the way your mind works, your answers and your appearance...in short, I am glad that I know you...but... is hard enuf for me to live with a 50-year-old...:S

[Asker]

I would be so annoyed if my dad did that. Although, I see divorce in their future anyway, so it may just happen. My mom wouldn't have that problem, I don't think, though.

[saphirasilverwings]

If an "older" (whatever that means) guy left an older woman specifically, I would be disgusted by that situation too. But I don't think it necessarily happens ALL that often. And I would find it disgusting if an older woman went to a younger guy in that way as well.

[pandaninja]

Ok I'm not going to read all of it but just based of what was said in the excerpt I would simply like to remind you that it is not only the standard in society, but it is the standard biologically and when it is the standered in both relms of the human nature, then that's just the way it is, besides much of it is happening from your genders side, women are seeking older men and honestly no one is to blame but guys your age, males tend to mature slower than the used to, once upon atime it was OK your 18? get the f*** out and find a job but with jobs limited and so many younger people going to college today those guys remain under their parents wing of protection up until around 24 on average even after they leave they are just starting to form their sense of what type of man they will be, so girls that age who are ready for seriouse relationship have to find older guys who are already established men in their own right instead of finding boys in the process of becoming men

[stevemeh]

When I was younger, women preferred older men as if I am just some worthless loser with no experience and only older men can deliver the sexual pleasures and financial stability that they so " righteously". I've never had experience cause no woman has given me a chance and I'm reaching my 30s. So what's gonna happen to me then? I die alone? Maybe.

There was a woman who told me she had a fun night with and old guy and her female friend and the various sexual acts the three of them have commited, after hearing all that I was disgusted and a bit disappointed she chose other people over me but fast forward a few year later and she finds herself unwanted, fat, and depressed at which I assume she is feeling used up and regretting her promiscuity.

I understand what you are saying OP, you kinda just lose hope and respect for women.

[Anonymous]

If a man has an older wife he's with and they are established in their life, have childrean, a home and future, he's not gonna leave his woman for a younger one, majority of the times. You have some men out there that until they get promotion or have enough money to be financially secure they start to change and want something different, usually this is when they are older. A lot of attractive women do go after the bad boys or edgey men and then decide when they get older to try to find a "good guy". Younger women naturally are prettier than older women in my opinion but a real man would not leave his wife for another women regardless of her age.

[kheserthorpe]

Yeah, I don't think men leave their wives FOR younger women that often. But when they leave their wives, they will go out with younger women. Sometimes things fall apart and they have an affair with a younger woman ... but its not simply a 'they decided to replace old with young' thing.

[kheserthorpe]

Nature is a bitch.

There are a lot of things that are good and bad about being both male and female. This is one of the things that sucks about being female. You can moan about it, but its really not worth focusing on. Its about as helpful as guys moaning that being nice doesn't get them laid.

[Asker]

I guess that's easy for you to say. You're right, though.

[kheserthorpe]

Its easy for me to say because this one doesn't screw me ... well ... except for the fact that I'm still with my wife, who is older then me, and not taking advantage of it.

There are plenty of things that hurt men that are not easy for me to just suck up and ignore, but I try to, because ranting about the world is not particularly helpful, for the world, or your psyche.

[rickyagnew]

it depends on what you mean by older vs younger(the age gap).i'm 57 but easily pass for being in my mid 30's so I usually date women in their mid 30's(35,36,37).personally I have no issue with older dating younger.if the two are of age(18 and above)who's business is it if two people are dating but vastly differ in age.//sometimes it has to do with interests and nothing to do with sex/.//i feel like if two people are adults then who they date is their own business.

most of the time when I talk to women they don't realize I'm in my 50's and a date is often made before they even think about asking me of my age//they generally fond out later and usually don't have a problem with it./i say you shouldn't have a problem with older guys wanting to date younger women unless there's some deceit involved./

[adamcdavis]

of course you don't have a problem with it since you're dating women way younger than you lol. Can you say biased answer. lol.

[Apra24]

@adamcdavis there's no such thing as an unbiased answer to this question... it's a matter of personal opinion.

I'm 34 with a 25 year old girlfriend. I wasn't actively searching for someone younger, but it happened. It's the best relationship either of us have ever had, and of the top 100 things that would define our relationship, the age difference wouldn't even make the list. How sad would it be to allow other people to choose your morals for you.

[Hades]

But younger women are happy to be with the older men...so what's the problem? At least you women can enjoy simply sitting around and getting approached without putting in much effort - and if the catch is that when you're older, younger women enjoy that privilege, then fair enough IMO. They could do the unthinkable and approach a man themselves. *gasp*

[Asker]

I don't know what world you live in, but I know a lot of girls who flirt with and hit on guys. Aside from the fact that this isn't relevant to my question at all, your comment presupposes that all women are being approached constantly which is so far from the truth that I literally laughed when I read this. My friend was just telling me the other day how she is frustrated that no guys approach her to go on dates or be in relationships. So there's that, which, still, is not relevant to my question

[Hades]

Things must be a lot more different in the UK than the US than I thought. I've never known of a girl who had to approach a man.

[Asker]

really? because I heard Europe was a lot more progressive in terms of gender relations than we are and they women are more willing to take charge. Probably certain parts of Europe, but UK would be one of the ones with women like that. the united states is more conservative than Europe. to suggest that women here are more liberal and out there about approaching men wouldn't make sense. a lot of women here won't approach men, but there are many who will. and most flirt, to make signs obvious.

[Asker]

*their women.

[Hades]

Not in my experience, but there probably are some. The UK is pretty much the 51st state. Also, I am already sadly aware of the fact most women have the sexist view that the male must approach.

[Asker]

well that's because men have perpetuated their desire for the role of protector, provider, and dominant figure, which includes making the first move. women were taught to be submissive and stand by until it happens, with strategic flirting or what not. anyone who doesn't fit into that tradition may or may not have a hard time. some men think its desperate for a woman to approach them, and even more women think they think that.

[Hades]

So, like I said, most women are happy to be desired and chased after by men, being treated like prizes - so they shouldn't complain when newer ones are available and men start chasing after them. They have had their time in the sun and should let the younger women enjoy the same perks they enjoyed.

[Asker]

omg. no comment.

[DavisK]

The sad reality is, as girls grow up they slowly get boring. Then after 10 years you realize you're in something that's no fun. Not just sexually, but they're less adventurous, want to stay inside more and INFINITELY more bitchy.

My last long term girlfriend was a club girl. We used to take ecstasy and have 3somes. She was my best friend and soulmate and it worked for 10 years until she said I could not longer have a side chick. :( That's when she hit me with the real truth which is that she wanted a baby. Now I have to start all over...

[Anonymous]

The equivilant position is that a mans value is based on his wealth and status and if you can honestly claim that it is in no way a factor for you then great, congratulations but it is most certainly not the case for the vast majority of women and its highly likely you are guilty of effectively the same crime about which you are complaining.

[Anonymous]

Women have the upper hand in relationships early on in life, until they start to get old and they lose their looks faster than men. Most women waste their most beautiful years trying to find the guy that is the most wild and fun and exciting. They pass up plenty of guys that would stick with them even when are old and less attractive because they are decent human beings. Then women start to realize they are getting old and latch onto whatever loser they are dating at the time and then get surprised when he trades her in for a newer model ten years down the road.

The average woman has 10-15 years to find decent guy that they can trust before her age starts to catch up with her. If she doesn't use that time wisely it is her own fault.

[Asker]

I have a problem with this inherently sexist view, but this is how the world works. Instead of going through the process of developing as human beings, at appropriate ages, women are expected to force themselves to be a certain way that may not even be realistic for their frame of mind and life experiences because you boil them down to looks and youth, or lack thereof? again, its disgusting to me, but at least you're honest.

[Opinion Owner]

"women are expected to force themselves to be a certain way that may not even be realistic for their frame of mind and life experiences"

Women want to have their cake and eat it too. Women want to be reckless and wild when they are younger and they can get away with it. Then they want stability as soon as their looks fade. It doesn't work like that honey, you got to take advantage of your situation and get a decent guy while you can. Old women who lose their husbands can only blame themselves.

[Asker]

Okay babe, A LOT of people, both MEN AND WOMEN want to be fun, spontaneous, reckless, etc. while theyre young. I'm in college, I would know. I don't see how this is a gender specific issue, other than your sexist view of conduct and beauty. Outside of that context, it makes no sense at all to point at women when just as many men are out partying, doing drugs, drinking, etc. if not more. Many of these men also "grow up" and look for stability when theyre older. Its called life.

[Opinion Owner]

Not all guys want to be reckless and wild when they are younger.And those that do can get away with it because time is on their side. Like I said, women have a good 10-15 years to find a decent guy, if they don't use their time wisely, it is their own fault and I have no sympathy for those that marry a**holes that end up leaving them.

[Dchrls78104]

Young girls who chase older men because they are older men objectify said older men.
Older men who chase young girls because they are young girls objectify said young girls.
While age is less important than compatibility, objectification based on age is not love.
No one should be objectified.
All relationships should be founded on love.

[GuyAdviceFromGuy]

"38 Year old electrical engineer looking for 25 year old beautiful voman, must be tall, fair skin, have small feet, waxed mustache, long black hair, cooks vell, and knows to massage the feet after long day at engineering firm."

[Anonymous]

simple answer women have no father figures so need an older man to guide them. Women are very naive and think because some older guy is nice or something that he must like her more than young guys when in reality it's more that he has just been around longer and knows the tricks of the trade when it comes to manipulating women. I don't know just my opinion.

[Pauls_say]

I agree it is a shit act. Me personally, i couldn't for two reasons:
I love my wife we are best friends and i couldn't do that to us.
I cand stand many young woman now days anyway, the seem to be rude, loud, shrill and with a chip on there sholders. (No i am not sexist i back true equality 110%)
What is your opinion with the reverse such as cougars. If she left the family for a younger guy is it still his fault

[sacajawea]

Although we are supposed to be more advanced than this, the fact is this is nature. Do bulls, search for cows that are over the age of breeding, or cows that can still have cafes? That is not saying it's right, but not abnormal either.

[bDizzie]

I'm 32 and I'm not dating any 32 year-olds, too old for me! I like younger women just like how younger women like older more mature men.

[DianaWest]

lol. women can just go to a sperm bank and have as many kids as she wants to, while men who dump you for the hot tight ass will die alone in a nursing home without any children.

[TheAceholeSupreme666]

You are not alone. There are both men and women who find it to be inappropriate.