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Everytime I hear about woman being more mature than men, I think about how many women I've come across in my life who fell for extremely obvious lies or got into arguments that made no sense or took something personally that had nothing to do with them.
Obviously there's way more but I don't want to be rude, I'm just genuinely baffled by people who actually believe this.
Yes there are guys who fall into this category, but I've never met a guy who does any of these things and is viewed as masculine. Usually they earn the repution of being kinda mentally challenged.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Because that’s what you do when you take a relationship seriously-
You entrust them with things like responsibilities/ shared responsibilities/ and personal information/ deepest secrets.
Just because they’re mature doesn’t mean they can read minds. They sure do try, but not all of them are lucky. Not all are lucky a 100% of the time, and most who love a partner or want to give them the benefit of doubt.
Besides Maturity isn’t always linked to familiarity of a particular school of jokes. They may know a joker but not every joker.. lol
Life is a learning game. It’s easy for anyone to fool anyone without real class when their guard is down, and that’s exactly what hetero females tend to do with the opposite gender since that’s how we’re all wired- to build chemistry, engage, be attracted to, and procreate/ coexist with the other sex.
Sure, judge the females for not being “quick enough” to “save themselves” from the person they were supposed to be able to BE themselves around 100% of the time, without any suspicions.
Yeah, don’t be naive “earn trust.” But at some point you have to enter the water and leave the pool edge. At one point the matter changes from solid to liquid. At SOME point it has to be plain ole trust.
It’s like having a gun. You use it for defense but at some point you have to trust others around you and the weirdo in front of you and not be trigger crazed, but if you let them too close and they aren’t what you expected- then you’re gonna get hurt. So with this dilemma how do humans build trust, coexist, and build healthy, intimate, life long relationships?
I think the answer is that most people don't deserve the kind of trust that is necessary to building a healthy, life long relationship.
Of course you're gonna get burned here and there, I'd obviously be lying if I said nobody ever played me like a fool. But i let the situation teach me, I spent weeks thinking and finally said to myself "maybe I need to stay away from woman who don't respect my wishes and are overly stubborn" because even though at the time I thought it was kinda hot, it was really destructive to me.
It takes a certain kind of maturity to reflect and blame yourself and say how can I do better next time, how can I recognize that I'm not thinking clearly because this person is getting me emotional?
And then instead of going into things all or nothing, you can gradually build trust and walk into the pool by taking the stairs.
The very interesting what you said about building chemistry. Do you think what men often see as manipulative is really just the woman building chemistry?
Yeah you missed my point about the pool. At some point it’s going to be no water to water. Even just a little water. Even just a little trust. For an exchange of a doughnut for a cookie can be a whole scam. Where does it end and where does it begin? Any bad person can take the very little and abuse it…
You said you got played and does that make you immature? We all have wins and losses just because women have been fooled before doesn’t make them automatically losers or immature consequentially and not all women are manipulators and not all men are manipulators but a good handful of the world is when they DONT know how to communicate their needs verbally and transparently and they don’t allow someone to fulfill those needs and bond with that person. There’s narcissists out there and there’s people who want to love someone. The narcissist doesn’t have to be that way they can just accept love and give it back. Potentially bad example because I’m pretty sure most are born that way. I’ve seen a lot of self entitled people for example and they can have their needs met and be loved by others if they would just reciprocate and be appreciative. If this doesn’t happen and relationships become difficult for them, they may just end up being manipulative.
MANIPULATORS DONT KNOW HOW TO ASK.
Thats the main point.
I can’t follow you on the end but because you said men in a general sense. I don’t know all men but I do know that both good and bad women may have similar behaviors but one uses it for the worst and the other uses it for good and as a result of her good heart and good intentions.
You seem to want to categorize and put them as all the same maybe as a pattern identification process and trying to be wise or something, but I say no- not all girls are the same.
If you give some extreme examples I’m sure I could agree that THOSE particular ones were manipulators
When I generalize something, I'm talking about experiences that billions of people have been exposed to and can understand. Maybe we don't all individually make tea by pouring it into a pot on a stove, but we all understand it and can use the example to talk about bigger ideas.
These generalized statements about women or men or anyone else being fooled, of course I'm not talking about all woman. Do I believe it's because of their biology? Not entirely, probably has only very little to do with it. At least in the context of this conversation.
My main point is that I don't think women mature so much earlier/faster than men at least not in the way that it's generally accepted by woman which it at least feels like we're talking about the same abstract idea right now.
Was I immature for being taken for a ride back then? Hell yea, it was incredibly obvious and I was infatuated by how beautiful she was, blinded by the connection we made and exercised almost no mental or emotional discipline until I finally decided it was time to cut things off. That's an example of being immature.
Where the maturity comes in is in accepting that I needed to learn from this, to pick up on the fact that I kept trying to blame issues in the relationship on myself I eventually shifted my perspective and saw, it wasn't me. That girl just wanted to play around and didn't know what she wanted.
Where I notice something different with many woman is in the self reflection part and changing of perspective to allow oneself to actually change their course of action. And yes, it's usually a certain subset of woman that act like this late into their lives. But I would say it's very rare I've gotten to know a woman well and wasn't exposed to things that made me question the whole maturity thing.
Well that’s the problem. People shouldn’t follow too many generalizations in exchanges of society. What you Gabe as an example was a tool people use. That should be one of the common things we use but not always. I’ve always made my tea with a microwave :]
People choose tools accessible and that are the most efficient for them, most healthy, and/or most practical.
I can see how you want to acknowledge maturity in relationships around dating and sex, and you want to also be recognized for your maturity in that. Maturity has the chance to shine in many aspects where we face challenges and have to make decisions on how we’re going to respond and/or react. We can’t generalize men- id say you wanting to highlight the importance of this is kind of rare and a lot of the guys who tend to use GaG are rare in their path of flirting/ sexual exchanges/ and higher thinking for those who take a more brainstorm/ reflective approach.
You may dabble in the others but this is noticeable where you’re talking strongly about something with some conviction and something you had previously taken time to think about. I think that’s great.
BUT while there are exceptions in what people choose to use for tools and what they take interest in or talk about. In the upbringing stages females learn a little bit faster and some may show some extra signs of accelerated maturity BECAUSE of the way females and males are taught or wired and who they hang out with. Boys love to rough play USUALLY and be outdoors or aggressive. A great example of this is how my nephew used to kill ants with a pencil when he was I don't know 6-8 and meanwhile myself growing up in a part of New York thag had faced some infestation problems would “speak” to roaches- a real major pest and tell them to run so they wouldn’t die by my family who’d kill them…
You can see the different approach. I was a bit more sympathetic and he was a bit more “adventurous” and thought differently.
I still didn’t get it to this day even when I tried to teach him, and his mom would tell me that he’s a boy and they all learn differently. He didn’t like when I had to correct him. No one had to teach me to talk to the roaches and consider their life. Better they exist elsewhere because they’re part of the reason that hospitalized me. I’d say my decisions were mature but illogical I lacked the comprehensive knowledge and educative background of just how dangerous roaches can be for home structures/ sanitation/ health/ and food safety and shelf life.
A lot of females had long attentions spans when it comes to conversations about social functions and a bit longer for learning. Some of them want to and liked to learn. Females also learn sympathy usually at a younger age and think about how others feel while boys will be trying to show off with other boys and want to love life already and may not be understanding all that they feel throughout that process.
I’m not trying to be biased but there’s lots of proof of females learning to speak/ write/ and read at a younger age than boys. Parenting plays a role in this as well. I also knew a girl in my senior year and her junior year who could not read or write… I also knew a boy that way who grew up with me and at that time he could read a bit better but he was a senior. A year or two before he was speaking just like her. Lots of things play part in our academics but earlier in life females seem more open to learning and socializing and understanding themselves and sometimes how others feel while boys definitely learn this later on in life. It’s not even to do with testosterone. Boys just tend to want to I don't know model their old man, or be the best boy in the group and learn already. They just want to do it. 🤷♀️
Some boys actually learn fast because of high iq and they can absorb a lot about academics and facts but they may still lack EQ.
Females have always had higher eq than men and this is what makes the saying of women maturing faster than males. They start earlier on and some of those continue to learn in that. I don’t think testosterone helps men learn about others and self reflection because it’s a driver. Many times females can sit down and reflect. My nephew is now approaching teenage years and he’s by far wisest of his friends and mature. More mature than his new father who is high in iq and he is higher in eq than iq but still stable in his iq. My nephew knows how to have a conversation with that guy, and I hope he’ll learn more facts and be able to absorb that if he can figure that out- to learn from any situation instead of letting ego/ peer pressure/ or cognitive drivers to shorten his attention span or learning time.
I agree with a lot of what your saying, and even learned some things I wanted to from this. You've known a little about me for a long time so you know I'm a very stubborn person. I say that because I hope you know I mean it when I say thankyou for this high quality reply. It's probably my favorite one I've ever gotten on this site.
Just to be clear, I don't think it's possible to come up with a right or wrong answer to this. Less because of the generalizations needed to even have the conversation and more because of everyone's different perspectives which you spoke on really well.
I asked this question because when woman answer this question they never articulate their point of view. Not like you just did. I actually feel pretty confident this is a good generalized reflection of how a lot of woman feel.
It seems like you and maybe other women here seem to see maturity as a person's capacity to be receptive with details. Especially new ones.
Where I would define it more so as what a person does with that information afterwords.
This would be a very interesting difference in opinion if it's at least a little bit correct as it would have some interesting possible implications.
But talking to roaches, I think that just might be a NY thing lmao
The same reason they get clowned by astrologers and tarot card readers: they love to believe in bullshit.
What can they believe in from you?
Or should they never believe in your or trust your words (just curious).
So in your mind, maturity means someone is not susceptible to being fooled? That’s not what maturity means.
It means someone who has control over their emotions, a certain level of self awareness and a capacity to take themselves out of a stressful situation, acknowledge what's taking place and think from multiple perspectives.
An immature person is not very self aware, makes the same mistakes several times and blames it on small changes of circumstance rather than acknowledging the larger issue that's each mistake has in common. They will generally be almost blind or in denial of certain facts of a situation which drastically effect a given situation.