I feel like my boyfriend doesn't think I'm "hot" anymore?

Question

or that he's somehow bored of me...

I mean, when he has his days off he does spend them with me and he tells me I'm beautiful and spends his free time with me. But I feel a bit sad sometimes because when we see a good looking woman on TV or otherwise he'll look at her or down her top or when he sees every hot woman on TV he will tell me she's hot...I mean, I'm happy he shares that with me and I don't tell him it bothers me, I even start saying yeah she is and I'm glad we do have the same taste in women lol

but I sometimes feel like I'm not "cool" for my boyfriend anymore, I'm his girlfriend that he loves spending time with, loves talking with but I don't think he thinks I'm as beautiful as the girls on TV or otherwise that's why he looks at their t*tss...we have lots of sex etc etc and he told me he could never hurt me or cheat on me and I feel confident he won't, but we've been together for a month and I still feel like the need to impress him...what can I do?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

You either don't know, or refuse to accept, the biology that is at work here.

The basis of all human behavior comes from the need to reproduce successfully. It's why male lions have manes, why peacocks have beautiful feathers, and thousands of other examples you could find in nature. Humans are no different.

With humans, women can get pregnant, which has significant physical affects on their bodies for at least a year, is potentially life-threatening, and results in children that, in most cases, she will end up caring for whether there is a man to help her or not. All of those things have had a great deal to do with how women's social and sexual behavior has evolved. Women nurture (better to ensure their children survive), and they are attracted to strong, confident, powerful men (i.e., men who could help support her children), but also place great value on safety and stability. Women who weren't so attracted to these things usually didn't survive, or didn't have children that survived, and so her genes died out. Those that survived only strengthened and reinforced these attributes.

Men, on the other hand, have the best success at having their genes survive by having sex with (and, before birth control, had children with) many different women. Men can do this because their role as "fertilizer" doesn't change their body for a year, or even tie them to raising those children if they choose otherwise. And by mating with diverse women, the gene pool is significantly widened, ensuring that at least some of the children will be resistant to sickness and disease. Powerful men tended to have lots of mates, commonly having mistresses or harems, while weak men often didn't have a woman, and thus didn't propagate his genes.

As a result of this and other evolutionary needs, men developed a very visual sensory system, with visual information strongly tied to instinct and emotions. As part of that, they instinctually look at and evaluate women's body shapes, which helps determine likely fertility and child-bearing and raising abilities. They are also attracted to VARIATION in women, meaning they want to see other women and mate with them.

Now, society has very, very recently (in evolutionary terms) evolved sets of rules that mostly prohibit men from acting out on this instinct (sleeping with lots of women, at least while in a relationship), but it hasn't stopped the desire. In fact, things like p*rn, or strip clubs, exist primarily to satisfy these instincts while still allowing the man to refrain from actually cheating.

You might argue that men should control themselves better, but you are fighting instinct here. It's like telling a girl that she shouldn't cry while watching a sad movie; you'll do it anyway.

But none of that means that he has any less interest in YOU, or that he doesn't love you, or that he'll cheat. It's more likely that he WON'T, because no pressure to do so is having to be built up by denying himself the urge to LOOK.

stubbsy · Accepted Answer

Your going about it wrong, because if you feel YOU need to impress him, then this relationship will end eventually, because its the man that needs to feel as if there's still room to impress, its instinct, even in the animal world, its the male that proves himself, so take that away, you have only the honeymoon period until it goes wrong to sort this out, otherwise he will lose interest and move on, so turn the tides and make him feel as if he still needs to prove himself to you and show you he is worthy of your talents, good luck,x

toulouse · Accepted Answer

he sounds like a jerk. not because he looks at women, but because all you think you have to offer is your body. you're boyfriend girlfriend not fwb. if you feel nt cool enough it shouldn't be because of yuor body. but anyways if you feel this insecure, I don't know if he can be that supportive.

its not a matter of you being needy. when people feel secure they don't act needy. its not like an innate trait..its based on circumstance.

anyways, you should relax & not worry about it. if he doesn't like u, he doesn't like you. its not the end of the world. mean while be yourself& stop comparing yourself to tv.

if you guys are not compatible you're not compatible. don't become a blow up doll, trying to keep him..there is your dignity to think ofd. if you go all out trying to impress him, & it works ull feel fake, if it doesn't work ull feel humiliated. so just be yourself. that way you won't regret anything.

angelwithin · Accepted Answer

It's okay if he looks.. some guys can't help it.

At the end of the day.. he comes home to you! He only sleeps with you, he only touches you, he only kisses you, he only *cares* about you.

Those other girls are just pieces of ass to look at.. like live 3D playboy.

They mean nothing to him and they shouldn't to you either.

He's talking about them with you .. in front of you.. and being open to you about it. He's not doing it behind your back with the guys are something. If he was *serious* about looking at those girls, he wouldn't talk to you about it... he'd be out there somewhere cheating on you.. and guess what? He's not!

How do I know this? Experience.. my guy wasss out there cheating.. that's a No No.

He only likes *you*.. if I were you, I'd be so happy to have a guy like your bf.. considering the guys who I have had who have treated me so wrong by actually crossing the line.

Leamonade · Accepted Answer

... Guys are always going to look. That's how they're programmed. It doesn't mean he finds you any less hot. You said yourself that your sex life and your emotional connection is amazing. What's the problem ? Just you being insecure about things a guy cannot help. You need to work on your insecurities. He's with YOU, no one else. Unless you start trusting him and loving yourself, this is going to because problems in the future.

Also, you've been with him for a MONTH. That's too early for you to be having those insecurities. Usually, it's still all sunshine, puppies and rainbows at this point. This is not a good sign. Please work on getting over this low self esteem of yours.

6Paul11 · Answer

Guys will always notice beautiful women. What do you want from us? We're not blind. Some of us are simply better at hiding it than others.

That said, there is looking, and there is staring. Looking is a natural human reaction. Staring is just being disrespectful.

Don't be mad at him for looking at beautiful women, be mad at him for being disrespectful about it. You need to have a conversation with him about it and let him know how his behavior makes you feel. He probably doesn't even know that he's hurting your feelings.

Don't beat yourself up too much over whether or not you are pretty enough for him. If you weren't pretty enough, he would have probably ditched you by now for one of those other beautiful women.

Anonymous · Answer

Men will always look because that's how they're wired. It doesn't mean he thinks other girls are more attractive than you, they like variety so get used to it because he'll be looking at not-so-hot girls too they can't stop themselves. He should not actually be commenting in front of you that's a little low. Best thing is, you look too he won't mind he understands that you too must appreciate hotness where you're drawn to it so be sure to comment on hot guys you like so he'll get that jab of insecurity too. One thing, you're too needy you've only been with him a month and it is well known that sex decreases with time, so keep a check on yourself or you'll bore and drive him away.

Cryostatic · Answer

You've been together a ~month~ and you're already ready to martyr yourself?

This will not end well.

For the record, guys are ~going~ to look at the bodies of other women. We're hardwired that way. Doesn't mean we find them any more attractive than you, it just means that we ~also~ find them attractive. I know you feel like if he thinks you're beautiful, he shouldn't need to look at other women, but that's ~not~ the way it works. Get used to it.

katylaura · Answer

i was just about to answer saying that it's perfectly normal for him to look at other girls and that so long as it's not affecting his behviour towards you, you've got nothing to worry about. then I read that you'd only been with a month. this isn't how a relationship should be after a few weeks - can you imagine how you'd feel in a year?

AlexCab · Answer

You know, I was going to give one advice but then I got to the final sentence of your question and I had to stop. That's the most important part there of your drama: you've only been a month with him. If you're already struggling to impress him , just try to think what it's going to be like in a like 2 years.

Take it easy...

Anonymous · Answer

Don't listen to all that "that's how they're wired" sh*t.

That's bullsh*t, straight up. Guys don't "have" to look at any other female, the choose too.(because I honestly don't think a man can be happy with just one woman, yea they can be losers) But your last sentence threw me off. One month, wow.

But he sounds disrespectful, and if he's already showing this not so lovely side of himself you should really pay attention, and not waste your time.

(:

mindy99 · Answer

Together for a month? A month? One month? Girl, just stick it out a tad longer before you start worrying.

Anonymous · Answer

dress well flaunt your legs, show your cleavage :P if it turn him on.. do you have a picture?

CreativeJagwolf · Answer

Wake up break up ong

I feel like my boyfriend doesn't think I'm "hot" anymore?

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