Why do boyfriends stop making effort like they used to?

[Anonymous]

It happens a lot, you have a boyfriend who is crazy about you and wants to be with you all the time, plans romantic dinners, makes you little self-made presents, messages you all day... and after a time having a relationship it seems they think they "have" you and start acting more relaxed, texting you less and not doing a lot of those special things they used to, spending less moments together...but of course they still love you and they tell you so...

But why is this? does it sometimes happen to you too, girls? and more important, how can you try to change this (can you?)? because I feel that lately I am giving him more attention thn he does, and it used to be the other way around... any advice?

[thatsnotnormal]

Sadly it is true. In the beginning when you're just merely getting to know someone it's a really exciting experiance. Especially if you're as into them as they are with you. Over time I believe the excitement and rush that the person once gave you is taken in as something you get used to. It isn't because they don't care about you but the natural rush and flood of emotion just isn't the same as it was from the beginning. Unfortunately I think that happends to all of us on different levels. Once your partners mind isn't stuck at only the good things you can offer the defects of our character start to unravel. Not all relationships need to remain like this because when you have a good connection to your signifigant other you'll be able to let them know how much those small thoughtful gestures and repeated reminders of love are to you.

[Anonymous]

alot of time guys take you for granted because they think they've got it all wrapped up. Did the work needed to 'catch' one and now it's cruisin time. you did a lot of work to catch him too do you still do those things? do you still act the same way when you were trying to catch his interest?

I don't think many girls can say they do it's just a fact of a relationship most of the time and it's called the honeymoon phase. Happens to different couples at different times but 99% of the time yeah it does happen.

That's when you have an honest look at yourself and the relationship and have a talk with him about how you feel about it and how you guys can work on it together.

[Anonymous]

Men in general like it that way, not saying they are all that way but most men would agree they are quit happy that way. It's a lot of work for them to put so much effort into making a relationship work.

Make date nights, be more specific about what you want. If he loves you he will do it for you. They only realize what they had what when your not there anymore. I call it the Mommy syndrome.

[Anonymous]

I get what you're saying, and I'm guilty of doing exactly this. But on the other hand, it's not like my girlfriend ever does these things for ~me~ either. She doesn't leave me love notes, doesn't plan romantic evenings, rarely sends me random messages. Used to be that the first thing on her mind when we got home from work was giving (or getting) a kiss. If I want one of those now, I usually have to go retrieve it.

So after awhile of doing and doing and not getting similar treatment in return, natural course of action is to stop doing, which I refuse to do, though I know I certainly do it a lot less than I used to.

[sixstring]

Most guys instinctively know that's how you get a girl's heart, but most guys simply don't realize that girls want this to keep happening.

The best thing to do is just to talk to him about it. Don't say anything negatively or accusatory, like "You never send me sweet texts anymore." Rather say something like "You were so romantic before, I miss that... Can you be like before?"

[kentpaul]

Perfectly normal and not just a characteristic of males. After you've been with someone for a while, you take them for granted. It's like when someone's just hired you for a job, you're on your absolute best behavior in the beginning, but as you acquire more status and experience, you relax a bit. No one can stay on perfect behavior forever. That's the real world, sorry.

[dudeman]

if you want romance, why don't you romance him, you really can't expect a man to do this for life can you, that's a little ridiculous