My boyfriend's temper kind of scares me?

[Anonymous]

I hate it when he plays video games because he yells & curses and gets really mad. It scares me even more when we're arguing and when he's yelling at his nephews. He's has a temper anyway, but it's worse when he's been drinking. Throughout our relationship I've seen him break doors, put a hole in the wall. His knuckles are scared and disfigured from him hitting the wall so much.

I don't know why he's getting more progressively violent. sometimes he leaves late at night and I can tell he's been fighting, he comes home with bruises and cuts and once a black eye but tells me he fell down, and I know it's not true and that he's really out there picking fights.

I know he would never hit me, but his temper still scares me. When he yells the way he voice gets terrifies me, and afterward I can't sleep I'm so shook up.

when I suggest anger management he insists he doesn't need it. other than that I can truthfully say he's a good guy. I've known him for a couple years before we were together and I always saw that in him, otherwise I wouldn't be with him.

like I said I know he wouldn't ever hurt me, but I'm still scared and worried about him and his problems, he's very open about them and I listen to him when he wants to talk but I'm starting to feel like it's not enough any more, and I don't want him to keep relying on alcohol..

i can't think of what I can do, I feel helpless and it doesn't seem like therapy is an option right now :( I need advice

[Levin]

It's probably helpful to let him know how his anger makes you feel and that it frightens you. He may genuinely be oblivious, it's easy to get caught up in how good that release feels, and ignore the impact it has on other people.

But other than that, in truth, there is not much you can do. People often get frustrated by hounding, or even gently hinting towards others, and not seeing any results. In my experience, when facing up to an issue, that person needs to come to a realisation themselves, in their own time. He's in denial, and may well be for a long time yet. In essence, the only choice you have is whether to stick with him, despite how self destructive he is. This is the real sense in which you are in charge of your happiness. There's a possibility that you could even be harming him by sticking with him, as it could reaffirm to him that it's not a big deal; in other words, you could be an enabler. If you don't feel it is acceptable behavior , and he doesn't want to address it, maybe you should consider whether you should be with him. I for one, couldn't accept such aggression from a partner. It really is very destructive towards the people around you, it frays their nerves and puts them constantly on edge too.

[Konnour]

So.. where now are all those women who said that they are turned on by 'aggressive' and 'dominant' men?

But to the point, it's clear that he's normal and he got issues. Maybe he had traumatic childhood or whatever - you gotta get him to professionals somehow, because anger issues don't disappear just from themselves, and it looks like his case is quite serious already... I wanted to tell: "You gotta solve them before he does something stupid" ..just he already has done plenty of stupid things...

Shake him up.. count all the times he got beaten, count the property he has broken, you gotta open his eyes somehow, as I'm quite sure that despite that all he still thinks that he got no problems and he's completely fine.

[Konnour]

*clear that he's NOT normal

[UberTroll]

Do you know how many women out there who say "I know he would never hit me, but his temper still scares me."

If his temper is bad enough that it scares you, he could very well hurt you. Maybe you don't want to admit it to yourself, but your subconscious knows better, why else would he scare you if you really thought he would never hurt you?

He has serious anger issues and what's worse is he can't admit to it. More often than not the problem just gets worse as time goes on and it will only be a matter of time before he does hurt you physically. Even with the physical aspect aside, is he not hurting you now? Emotionally that is...

His rage is obviously already hurting you. It's just the kind of hurt that doesn't leave marks. Unless he's willing to seek out help for his rage, I don't see this working out well for you.

[Prettygurl12]

If he scares you, leave him. No one should live in a constant state of nervousness. It's not healthy. Your boyfriend (or girlfriend) should be someone who makes you feel safe and free to be yourself, not someone who you're afraid to be around.

[Anonymous]

They don't call them raging alcoholics for nothing. I don't trust anyone that abuses alcohol.

[Anonymous]

He needs some sort of therapy or anger management.