What does it mean when your boyfriend decides to spend your two year anniversary with his friends instead?

[lonelygirl747]

He is very good at remembering dates and we did do something for our anniversary last year. This year we have had problems but he always said he wanted to work it out. A few weeks before our anniversary he tells his mother in front of me that he has a bike trip on a certain date. The date of the bike trip falls on our anniversary. This was the first time I had heard of it. Then awhile later he mentions the dates of the bike trip and how he knows it is on our anniversary but maybe we could celebrate it the weekend before. I let him know that I didn't like that idea since it wasn't really our anniversary. When I say I am upset he tells me that he hasn't really decided yet if he will be going on those dates. He didn't even consider that he should talk to me first and see how I feel about it. He is between jobs right now so he has a lot of time available to go on this bike trip, not just our anniversary. His friends are teachers so their schedules should be more flexible. This seems strange to me and not at all like him. He tells me that it doesn't mean anything but also gets really quiet and doesn't talk much about it. He has no reasons for scheduling a trip on our anniversary.

Wow, I rambled a lot but I am having a really difficult time with this. I feel like he just playing mind games with me.

[Cool-Relax]

I've had my boyfriend cancel plans with me to go on a trip with his friends before, and it didn't make me happy, but I knew that he needed time with them too. In the end, I still got my time with him, just on a different day. I would rather change our plans than have him resent me for making him choose me over his friends. Maybe your boyfriend is quiet about things because you're asking him to make that decision?

Point blank, I don't think he'd offer to celebrate your anniversary at all if he didn't care.

[lonelygirl747]

So you don't mind that you have to conform to his needs and he doesn't have to think about yours? It's weird to have to change the date of our anniversary just because he wants to go somewhere with his friends. I'm taking the back seat on an important date. Why can't a partner make plans around an important date?

[Cool-Relax]

I don't conform to his needs, and he does think about mine. We compromise, which is what your boyfriend is trying to do. I'm sorry, but aren't you the one trying to get him to conform to you? He still wants to celebrate your anniversary, you don't want to unless it's that exact day. Well, my boyfriend and I both worked on Valentine's Day, so we celebrated on the 15th instead. The meaning didn't change just because it was a different day. It's not the day that's important, it's the relationship.

[lonelygirl747]

You have a point but I don't know why it doesn't sit well with me. I just keep thinking that he should want to do it on the day since this trip could have been any time. Why did he have to do it that day? I feel like there is more to it. He has always thought dates were important and he tries to make a point of doing things on the day. He would always point out when it was the 17th of the month and would mention how long we have been together. This just doesn't seem like the person I fell for.

[Cool-Relax]

Have you asked him why he picked those days? When my boyfriend cancelled plans on me, I know it was because it was a trip they'd wanted to take for a while and the days worked for his friends, so he didn't want to be the one to back out. Your boyfriend's friends might be the ones behind the plans and he's just stuck in the middle.

[lonelygirl747]

When I asked him why they weren't doing the trip the last weekend in July like he originally planned he said he didn't know and he didn't suggest it to them. He just went along with what they said. I think it's just hard to swallow for me because if I were in that position I wouldn't just accept their suggestion without first checking to see if there was another date they could do it. But yes, I know, he's not me.

[Cool-Relax]

I think it's a guy thing lol. If it were my friends, I would be the same as you. With guys, I don't think they're as comfortable doing that. Like they're sharing too much if they admit to their friends that they want to spend time with their girlfriend.

[lonelygirl747]

Well, thank you for your comments. It sucks either way... but it is nice to get a different prespective even if you do make me feel like I am crazy. Haha. Maybe I am.

[Cool-Relax]

You're not crazy, you're disappointed. Even if I told my boyfriend it was okay that he went, I would still be disappointed too.

[SmoothOperator1980]

My advice is just let him go along with his plans. Maybe he's planning a suprise for you? Either way after the date you will know where his feelings for you stand. Sometimes you should roll the dice and let him answer your question for you.

[lonelygirl747]

We talked about it and he is definitely not planning a surprise for me. He's not sharing what feelings for me are either. So I think even after the date I am going to be confused about this. :P