Played with my heart, used me, and threw me away

[jennie918]

At the new job I started, the first day I was there I saw this guy, his name is johnathan (john) and I was staring at him and just thought, I want him. he was so cute and just gave off a good vibe. I got to know him and started hanging out with him he's 24 I'm 19. turns out he has a girlfriend who is 45.. but he told me they're not really anything he just lives with her so she can pay for his bills.. so I was like okay.. and he asked if I liked him. and well I admitted to it yes I did very much so. and he said he liked me too. and he asked me if I wanted to go camping with him. and I was all hyper because it was supposed to be me him and another person with their friend from our job. well they (according to john) were last second un able to go but I had never been camping so I was like can we still go please? and he said sure. so I went camping with him. and we got very close that night. mind you I'm very against cheating because my dad did it to my mom. but I figured the situation was different because he told me they really weren't dating. well... I lost my v cardto him (he claims I didn't because I made him stop because it hurt too much and he said he didn't go all the way in) but to me it was special because I have said no to so many people and I've always wanted to wait for that special person and I felt like it was him. after that he kind of stopped talking to me and he'd talk to me at work and I'd still hang out with him but he didn't act how he did before all this happened. and I just messaged him yesterday and I said I miss you and I don't see you anymore and it makes me upset. and he never answered and I saw he was on Facebook today so I said hello, no answer, so I said whatever it is I did, I'm sorry and he said the message I sent yesterday got him in trouble and from now on the only time I can talk to him is at work... so many people from work warned me they said he's a player he's gonna use you but I didn't want to believe them. I thought he was different, I thought he truly meant it when he said he liked me. and now I'm in tears and don't know what to do when I see him at work tomorrow. I don't even want to look at him, I knew this was going to happen but I still wanted him so badly. :( help me?

[Frostie]

sorry to say, but when he says he is using someone, what the hell makes you think he won't use you? Red flags go off when I hear sh*t like that. I'm very keen and observing of other people in words and actions. When he says sh*t that says "don't date me I cheat,use,and abuse other people" what did you expect, a 1st class boyfriend or were you getting your hopes up?

You gave away your vcard. well, that sucks. At least you lost it to some dude you thought was cute. I guess that counts for something to you as that is the only thing you seemed to care about. I really don't know what you want, if it is sympathy, or empathy, I don't have any. You were warned. You blinded yourself from reality. You were warned, and he said pretty bluntly that he used someone else. I don't know what you needed more to say "no". In fact, it seems you should have waited 3-5 months before giving it up if you HAD to. I'm guessing this was within a month or two.. which makes you easy peasy for players. Staying in contact is pointless and naive. He doesn't give a sh*t. You're just back up in case he doesn't get any. I see this happen all the time. Just cut contact, move on. Knowing you gave your vcard up, you're only going to be more attached after the first time. That is why many church goers tell women not to. but no one listens. Although I hate the church and their bullsh*t, they got one thing right.

women produce lots of oxytocin, a hormone that stimulates a strong emotional connection. As a result, women are more emotionally integrated when it comes to sex. That’s why casual sex and hookups often backfire for lots of women. Guys produce little to no oxytocin, and can easily have sex without any sense of emotional connection. It’s sex with no emotional strings attached.

[Frostie]

Oh and Jennie not to sound like an ass, but I'm going to anyways, emotions get you into situations like this when there is no reasoning behind them. Players use emotion to get a girl in bed, because women don't guard them. They string you along like a cat with fish. entertain you, make you laugh, make you think they're great, and when you're in place to be captured, they pounce. Him making an excuse is just him evading responsibility so he doesn't have to hear sh*t.

[jennie918]

thank you for writing all of that, I just wanted to say I didn't do anything with him just for his looks he made me laugh like crazy he was nice and sweet and caring he just seemed too good to be true, I guess he was ... and I fell right into his trap.

[Frostie]

How players work. Charisma.No problem.Add me if you want, I'll answer any other questions you have if you like my answers.

[NoOneListens21]

hmm did someone say no one listens? =P

[justaskin8888]

this guy is right. by the way, men also lose the ability to connect when they hookup w/multiple partners. they actually lose the ability to bond, so they will likely never find their "the one."

[rogaortega]

Its your fault for putting the idea that sex was really important.

[toulouse]

men produce oxytocin. less research has ben done on men, b-c originally it was seen as a female hormone because of BREAST FEEDING on production of ox.>playing with breasts should be avoided- not sex.

Men produce a lot more ox, than W, from kissing.

& They do produce ox. during sex.

Testosterone may in certain circumstances mitigate its potency. As may progesterone, in women.

Women have sex for fun, with no feelings of attachment-all the time. Its just not the story people like to tell.

[Frostie]

link

@Toulouse ^

[Frostie]

link

[kkeepitreal]

Unfortunately you still share the same workplace with this guy so as Mark said maintain as little contact with this guy as possible. On a side note you should try to avoid dating in the workplace period. This situation of having to be around him after his mistreatment of you is an end result of dating in the workplace. Most employers don't condone it anyway. If you meet another guy at work, keep in mind that eventually one of you should seek employment elsewhere. Keep your head up girl.

[toulouse]

Just don't have anything to do with him. you liked him, you wanted to be with him. It didn't work out.

better to find this out sooner rather than later.

when you have sex with someone you care about, you can count that as your fist time. if sex is special to you, then he didn't count. just for get about this guy.

theres no confusion, no miscommunication, no geographical constraints.

it didn't work, & he's not interested in being with you.

its one of these situations, where you just have to tell yourself to move on.

people can be charismatic & gave lots f sex & not be a**holes. I'm not sure how much you guys communicate with each other about what was going on but just having sex wasn't a big deal.. but clearly, he's not interested in a relationship. you are. so you should move on.

i don't see how he used you. you both said you like each other. & then proceeded to have sex. A LOT of people do that. if you didn't have an agreement to be in a relationship, he did nothing wrong.

next time, discuss . don't assume.

[Anonymous]

Im so sorry this happened to you :( something similar happened ro me with a guy who had the same name.. Interesting. Just go into work as usual and don't act upset. Look like the confident and strong woman you are!

[mark25624]

Business as usual!

You cannot avoid him.

So just conduct yourself as you did in the past. Maintain distance from him!

[jamaall89]

You barely knew him. I feel for you, but I'm sorry sweetheart, you need to protect yourself better than that. He must have been one charming son of a bitch if you let him take your virginity.

[rogaortega]

its all a state of mind.