22 & can't stay the night with my boyfriend

[Anonymous]

I stay with my mom I haven't gotten on my feet yet almost there. Me and Brandon have been through a lot in 8months but were on the right track now but I think my situation is making it hard for him to fall in love with me he is trying so hard but certain things just don't fall though like me staying the night. It is out of the question for my family my mom had me @ 19 my aunt had a baby at 19/20 and my aunt is going through a bad marriage she hasn't been married long, my cousin has a baby and stayed with his girlfriend Point is my family looks down upon it like its disrespectful to do do before marriage they get over it yea but at the moment something like that happens they gossip about it & look down on the person in disappointment. Me I can't even do a simple thing without getting fussed at like I'm the "baby" of the family and I'm not.

I messed up my life too but I want to do something for once that feels right I want this man to fall in love with me and I want to fall back but we need to take a step closer to it he had tears in his eyes when I told him I couldn't stay b.c that's dishonor to my mother since I stay with her he wasn't upset with me but he is upset that I'm 22 and can't do sh*t without my parents permission what can I do I can't move out yet I can't really do much of nothing without proper finances I will have them one day I'm determined but what can I do in the meantime?

[art84]

Your mom's house so her rules.If the guy truly loves you, he will obey your mom's rules. Your mom is basically protecting you from making mistakes she did growing up. If you want to have sex then use protection but if you did get pregnant, it would break your mom's heart. Really a double edged sword no matter you look at it. I have to agree getting

pregnant young does cause gossip. I had a friend who basically was in the same situation with a mom who didn't let her do anything with guys. She couldn't be in the same room and basically treated her like kid. And she was in her early 20's but still lived with mom. But she had a job and car so basically she could of moved out. She met a guy who her mom allowed her to date. Me and her would have been an item but her mom didn't allowed it. This reason alone is why I broke away from this girl. I know her mom would be a huge problem as she was way strict with her. They went out and she got pregnant and her mom was pissed. Ran off and got married. Now she doesn't have to put with living her mom and can raise her children/husband and live her life as an adult.

[madhatters4]

look you shouldn't need to spend the night with a guy for him to love you. what is sleeping in his bed going to show him that the other 18hours of daylight can't?

Also you live with your mom so unless you want to just go against her will you have to follow her rules. It's sucks but that is reality. And after 8months of a relationship you probably shouldn't really be moving in with a person, especially if you don't know if that person loves you

All that said I would talk to you mom about how you feel. If this guy is really important then he should also get to know your mother. It may seem old school but, the best ways for relationships to flourish is for the family to know the significant other. Your mother may feel with time and getting to know this guy that she discovers that he is legitimately a good guy. I find parents are often just weary of their children doing things to impeded the progress of their life but becoming comfortable and familiar with situations can often help them soften

[AliceMcKay]

Honestly I would explain all this to my parents and hope that they decide not to judge me for it, but I would still do it. I know that people say that you live in her house so she has to make the rules, and that makes sense, but I feel that the rules are limited to her house, as in no boys sleeping over there, which is fair. However, seeing as you are an adult, I feel as though she cannot control your life outside the house. I would just sleep over at his house. Explain to your mom that you are going to be careful and use protection and everything, and point out that you do not have to sleepover to have sex, so that just seems like a strange assumption. You are old enough to make your own decisions with your life, especially ones that are not harmful to yourself.

I am not trying to be disrespectful, however this is my opinion.

[deannarose]

Well I can't relate because I stay the night with my boyfriend for several nights in a row and we're only 18.

But I can tell you that once you move out, you can make your own rules. You're living with your mom, so you have to follow her rules. It sucks, but it has to be that way until you move out.

[clashcity22]

First off, sleeping with someone doesn't prove that you love them or they love you. Second, I can understand where he's coming from having difficulty with the situation both of you are in. Third, you need to prove to him that you're in for the long run on this. You have to work hard and show him you want to make this relationship work. Fourth, it's 2013, this is my opinion, but this waiting until marriage thing is idiotic because it was something invented by the church to control people and their urges. As long as you're under your mother's roof, you should respect her rules. She's only trying to help and protect you. If both of you consent to sleeping together, then try something adventurous during the day. Sex in the car is quite the challenge and is extremely intimate because you have to be very close. Just PLEASE USE PROTECTION. If your boyfriend is what you want, then only you can make it work. I'd have a talk with him and tell him what you're doing to better your relationship.

[LongWay2Go]

It's tough to say considering we don't know the whole backstory, but generally speaking, if you're living in your mother's house, then it's understandable that she doesn't allow him to stay the night. However, it's none of her business if you choose to stay at HIS place. You're well over 18, thus a grown woman. I can't say that I understand her logic even if she had you at a young age, but it sounds like that's just how she feels and she's going to try to enforce it using whatever leverage she can. You may have to make a pretty important decision soon. It's not fair, but you need to take control of your own life, and if that means getting your own place and finding a way to pay the rent, then maybe it's a good thing.

[Esteel]

its like I am reading something my fiance has just written. That's almost the same problem myself and her had when we first stared dating. I want allowed to stay there all night unless for what ever reason I wasn't able to drive home the night before. she couldn't stay by be because she had to be home by 3am not a minute later. what we used to do was if she wanted to stay by me we would just wake up at half past 2 for her to go home. its sounds silly now but it worked and the weeks, if I didn't want to go home we would go do what ever we had planned and get her home be for 3 and just sit in the garden just chatting.till morning. that's what we did. maybe you could try something like that. I miss those days.

[Theguyoverthere]

You have to either work things out with your parents or break up. This kinda stuff is why I broke up with my last girlfriend. At 22 she should be free to do things and make her own decisions. It gets annoying really fast and makes me feel like I have a daughter and not a girlfriend. Many guys will outright refuse girls who live with their parents for reasons like this.

[Stark]

There is nothing you can do, I was with a girl for a year and a half and never got to sleep over at hers or vice versa, not even the spare room. If he loves you he will put up with it, just look forward to the day you can and try not to let it upset you both!

[yaddayaddayadda02]

You'll have to put up with their conditions until you can move out on your own. I guarantee there are other guys out there that would be willing to wait.

[masondixie]

If kids at boarding school could find a way to bump uglies, you should be able to.

Do it in the car. At a friend's house. In the gym showers. Your lunch break.

You can sex other than his bedrooom.

[mbounds]

behind the shed during the day..cha ching!