Boyfriend is upset he can't stay the night?

[Anonymous]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. We are both 19, I'm living with my mom and he's living with his sister. He wants me to be able to spend the night but my mom doesn't allow that until I am in my own place, kind of a her house her rules thing. It doesn't bother me because I've gotten used to it. But he doesn't seem to understand that...The thing is, is that every now and then, he'll say things like "it feels like we've been dating for 6 months instead of 2 years..." just because I'm not able to spend the night...I guess I'm just not understanding his mindset. Yes it would be fun to spend the night. But it's not necessarily to me right now. He's said that more then once...Anyone have any advice on this

[MWalsh89]

I've seen this happen with some good friends of mine, where he couldn't seem to understand her parents rules, despite them being adults. I know my boyfriend and I aren't technically allowed to spend the night together(we're nearly at our 2 year mark and highly committed), but it's only because of our parents, because we still live with them.

He has to understand this. If you do want to spend the night, let him know, make sure he knows that if you could, you would. There is a frustration about not falling asleep in that special someone's arms. It sucks. He wants to hold you and know that you're there.

Though I'll say this(and this isn't intended to be anything horrible against you or whatever), but I don't get getting use to something like that, especially if you're with someone(and for that long). I understand those rules always being in place, but not really accepting them, even if you do(ie. not arguing them, but not being happy with them). This may raise a small red flag to him. Almost a "why don't you want to sleep with me?". Sex is one thing, but sleeping with someone is another...in my opinion, it's more intimate...

[Asker]

yes I do tell him "if I could I would" and he's said things like "say your going to a friends how then come over" I've done that before in the past it ruined my friendship and my moms trust. I've been doing great re-earning my moms trust and that's one thing that is important to me now that I'm getting older. your right, I do get a little peeved every once in a while with those rules, I've tried my best to get around it and I still do try. but I do let him know that it's not what I want.

[udolipixie]

If you two haven't had sex yet his "it feels like we've been dating for 6 months instead of 2 years..." is just most likely his way of saying what most guys feel it's not a relationship must less a serious relationship until I f*ck you.

[Asker]

we are having sex.

[hot_princess7]

he is trying to get laid.

ignore him, he sounds kind of immature.

[Asker]

i do ignore him...i mean we already have sex...i don't see why I need to spend the night.

[foolycooly1001]

Just because it's not necessary to you doesn't mean it's not necessary to him. You're talking a lot about how he doesn't understand you, but you don't seem to be trying hard to understand him. Are you talking about sex, or just spending the night?

[Asker]

there will probably be sex. I get that he wants me to spend the night. what I don't get is why he says "it feels like we've been dating for 6 months instead of 2 years" just because I can't spend the night.

[foolycooly1001]

If you were adults, would you think it weird that you have dated for two years and don't live together--or even spend nights over? I still can't tell if you're having sex with him yet.

[Asker]

yes we are having sex. no I probably wouldn't think it was weird.

[foolycooly1001]

Do you have any idea when you'll be moving out?

[foolycooly1001]

I also didn't mean to imply that you are not adults. I just meant older.

[Asker]

when we can both afford it, which is not anytime soon, as for me if I'm not just going to live with him being boyfriend and girlfriend forever. if we are gonna live together I want there to be more commitment in the future. we haven't talked about that yet. it's okay we both have a lot of growing up to do, I still don't feel like an adult thought even though I take on adult responsibilities.

[foolycooly1001]

For me, sleeping with a girl is really important. It's like peaceful. Maybe that's why he wants you to sleep over. Ask him why.