I want a girlfriend but at the same time feel unmotivated to get one because of my inexperience for my age?

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

I'm 25 and still haven't had my first girlfriend yet, it pisses me off and angers me that I didn't have a girlfriend in high school or late teens to early 20's, around the age just about everyone has experience already, I hate it when people say do not compare yourself to others, or that it is not a race and it is never too late and you have plenty of time, it just makes me raging mad when people say that because I know I can't change the past and I'm not getting any younger, basically I hate being different, I hate being a late bloomer unfortunately I can't change that because this stigma will always be on me since I obviously can't change the past, sometimes I wish there was a drug that can make me stop desiring oppossite sex companionship, kill my desire for a girlfriend/sex, its not that I haven't tried to get a girlfriend, I've never had any luck with online dating and every girl I've approached and asked out was either taken or not interested in me, and I'm also worried that even if I ever do manage to get a girlfriend, I'll be old in my 30's, past my prime, yes to me my prime years are my teens and early to mid twenties, basically even though at the same time I want a girlfriend and at the same time I feel why should I bother when I didn't have one earlier

Updates

+1 y

I really hate it, it gets me angry and raging mad when people say better late than never

Updates

+1 y

my biggest obstacle is going out more, putting myself out there more often and consistently due to not having many close friends, I really do want to go out more

[steveguitar]

I am the same way, I'l be 27 by the end of December and never been on a date. I believe that it is de to my social anxiety, my inability to relate to the people around me because of uncommon interests, because I am quiet anyways, and because I have no idea what to do with my life. I am also angry, but more confused as to how to form a relationship. people don't see me as relationship material, probably because of the things I listed above. and to be honest I could sit at a table with a million people and not say a word, even with friends. I feel like I need other people to make the first move.

I also feel that if I had a girlfriend or at least had a few dates, everything would be easier to do later, to try again, and again. But I don't think I have anything to offer from myself. I am very introverted I feel, and I don't open up easily, and I am not myself around people. I am more worried about how they will take me and what I say, or I am afraid that I will say something bad or say something I think is funny.

and I don't know how your parents are, but for me I have never seen my parents do anything that would suggest that they are close, like kiss, or say I love you or anything like that. I think that my parents are complete opposites and I don't know how they even got together. But I do think that a lot of my unfamiliarity of love and all that stuff comes from never seeing it. Like there needs to be a barrier between me and everything else. I don't know, just things I think about.

Honestly I think the only emotions I really feel come from music and comedy

[steveguitar]

better late than never is a phrase used by people who get everything they want. besides they never help, and they don't care. it's like they like having whatever you don't over you

[steveguitar]

I started to go out a lot by myself, though I really shouldn't because I don't have the money. it didn't make it any easier to be around people, but at least I got to see movies and go to some concerts and bars alone. but it doesn't help with the dating. But I will admit I have never approached a girl either so I guess being the guy in this society, its all my fault

[JSmuve]

My sentiments exactly. You said what I've always thought about myself, but never expressed it in words. I hate being a late-bloomer. People like us are always behind the curve and it embitters us because we want something that has always been out of reach. We end up taking our anger out on the very thing that we want because we believe we've been slighted by it all our lifes. It's tragically ironic really, because if the day ever comes where we come close to getting a girlfriend, we'll just push her away out of resentment of our past, rendering us further alone.

People like us are broken. I broke somewhere in my late teens/very early 20s and am slowly trying to fix myself. The first step is acceptance. You have to accept that this happened to you and refuse that it will keep happening, because you won't let it. Take it from someone in your position, you have to be persistent. My problem was I gave up too easily. You see it on GAG sometimes, where girls will say 'my boyfriend asked me out 3 times before I finally said yes'. Had that been me, I would've given up after the first time. Persistence man. You see a girl, you go after her and don't give up. Go after multiple girls at once. If you get rejected (which you will), it's not a reflection of yourself. It could be a multitude of factors. Rejection is a fact of life. It happens in many aspects of life. But that doesn't make you less of a person. Eventually if you throw enough mud at the wall, some of it is bound to stick.

Best of luck man. We're all in this f***ed up world together.

[lumos]

I know it can be frustrating. But to be honest, complaining about it or being angry long-term because of it won't help much. Yes, venting is good, but not to the point where it makes you unmotivated to do anything about your problem. Believe it or not, there are lots of good girls out there in their 20's that are just as unexperienced as you. Try finding one! Or maybe she'll find you. Either way, closing yourself off 100% won't help much. Always keep at least one door open, because you never know.

Sorry if this wasn't what you wanted to hear. Oh well.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

I've tried online dating but no luck and I've been using that for 5 years now

[lumos]

Then maybe you should try real world dating instead.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

well I never know where to meet girls, other than besides bars and clubs

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

How does a guy go about looking for a girlfriend and at the same time not be desperate, avoid trying too hard?

[lumos]

You're only trying too hard when you're trying to force girls to date you, or plead them to. Know when to pick your fights and have some common sense, and you should be fine.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

You say there are lots of inexperienced girls in their 20's?

[lumos]

Yeah, probably. I'll be one of them soon.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

your inexperienced? never dated?

[lumos]

Inexperienced, yes. Never dated, yes.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

What's your age?

[lumos]

Turning 19 in 2 months.

[SnowWhiteRoseRed]

I get it. Never as much held hands with a crush of mine. But I'd rather be single then be with someone I don't like. Being alone and feeling alone are two very different things to me. My siblings are older and late bloomers too. They're amazing people so I try to remind myself that not 'being normal' in the whole dating thing has nothing to do with me, it has to do with my standards for other people.

[Anonymous]

You deserve a girlfriend but not until you change your attitude. You'll take out the pent up hatred on her, I'm afraid.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

why do I deserve a girlfriend? I thought girls do not owe me anything, I repeat do not owe me anything

[Opinion Owner]

Everyone deserves a healthy relationship but in order to deserve a healthy relationship one must be a healthy person.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

how do you be a healthy person?

[Opinion Owner]

You can start by finding an outlet for the feelings you have built up. Just from your post I can tell you have a bit of hatred inside you and you need to find an outlet. Then you can just find a way to enjoy being single. You can't be a whole unit with someone else until you are a whole unit by yourself. one unit plus .75 unit does not equal 2 joined units..make sense?

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

I would rather have loved and lost and to never have loved at all that's why I have hatred inside of me for not having experienced that yet

[Opinion Owner]

It doesn't matter how you justify it. No one in their right mind will love a bitter hateful person. So you need to find a way, however that is, to become not bitter and hateful and then you can find someone to love you.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Why is it worse for a guy to be resentful?

[Opinion Owner]

It's bad for either gender. But no girl is going to want to be with a guy who hates her gender. And no guy is going to want to be with a girl who hates men. If you can't understand that basic logic than I don't know what else to say to you.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Yeah that makes sense, but I'm also worried that my current financial situation will further prevent me from getting a girlfriend, I still live at home though, can't afford to love independently yet

[Opinion Owner]

My dad lived at home till he was 32 and married my mother so obviously not all women see that as a deal breaker.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Yeah even though I am 25 and still live at home, I at least have a car and a job though, but it's a minimum wage job because its what I could find in this crappy economy

[Opinion Owner]

That's fair. My dad lived at home and worked for his dad at a slaughterhouse (that he now owns) and he still managed to wrangle a woman into marrying him hahaha

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

That's inspiring, but why is it never too late?

[Opinion Owner]

Because, odds are there is always at least one woman in every age group that would be willing to get married, and it's not that hard to get a girlfriend. You just be nice, funny, and give her special attention and then ask her out. It's magic.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

is it true that a guy has to poke fun, tease a girl when talking to her? that it is very critical he does that in order to avoid the friend zone?

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah but don't be mean and if she's not into it, you have to stop.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

yeah when I meant tease and poke fun, I meant in a playful way, but yeah the fact that you said that your dad lived at home until he was 32 and he was able to find a girlfriend at that age, who became your mom, is very inspiring, because I want to attempt to enjoy the rest of my 20's, my youth, attempt to get some dating and relationship experience while I am still in my twenties since I consider teens and twenties to be the prime of a person's life

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Yeah because I know a reason why a lot of girls are reluctant to date a guy that still lives at home is because of the privacy issue regarding sex, but yet I feel it doesn't have to be that way because you can always rent a hotel room for a night, I have no issue with that and besides just to make it easier on the girl I'll offer to pay for the hotel room

[kcjmo]

I was 24 when I had my first relationship. I guess I was bitter before. Really a man's sexual prime is at 18, and I was not getting laid then. I am now 29, almost 30, and I have had three relationships. I am alone right now, and it really does suck to start a new one, which could start into my 30's, but I don't think it's healthy to think that I'll be past my prime. I'm finding the older I get the more attractive I am two women. But yes, I do have a fear of being alone too. It's really depressing. Just know that you're not alone in these sh*tty feelings.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

why do you think you are becoming more attractive to women as you age?

[kcjmo]

Not so sure. It could because men in general get more attractive as they as to women... I guess maturity is attractive to women (didn't mean to generalize ladies ;) ). Maybe with age and experience, also comes confidence. I'm still a shy person, but I used to not talk to strangers ever when I was younger, now I'm willing to show up to a blind date. I don't want to be alone, I try, and I could fail 9 times out of 10, but the 10th time is why I'm doing it.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Seems like money to me

[kcjmo]

Some women can be attracted to money... My first girlfriend made more money than me. My second girlfriend and I spent most of our time hanging out in my apartment, eating pizza, drinking beer, and going to parties. It really didn't cost a lot. My third girlfriend paid her half of everything all the time., Unless these girls were using me for my 1992 toyota camry, I highly doubt money has much to do with it. I have port wine stains on my face, and am not rich. Attitude does go a long way. Alas I'm alone again though :(

[marciamarcia]

I'm 28 and I haven't had a boyfriend or anything either. I'm just really scared to be honest. I try to avoid the subject whenever it comes up. Anyway, I relate and you definitely aren't alone. There may not be a lot of women (or other guys) in the same boat, but we are out there.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Really you are 28 and still single? always have been?

[marciamarcia]

Yeah, I've never even kissed or gone on a date. The idea scares me.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

well I'm glad I'm not alone but the same time I'm shocked because it seems it is mostly male late bloomers

[marciamarcia]

Yeah, I know, and it just makes me feel even worse about the situation, to be honest.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Have you always been approached by guys you were not into?

[marciamarcia]

No, I'm not approached very often because I don't make myself available. Whenever I see a guy stare at me or try to engage me, I just pretend not to notice (even if I'm attracted to him). A man I like flirts with me and stops short of asking me out. I'm trying to hide the fact that I like him. I'm too scared to date. I've never even made friends tbh. I'm a good looking girl and seem normal at first glance, so no one would ever in a million years guess any of this by looking at me.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

Do you go out often?

[marciamarcia]

Nope. I work, go to school, and do martial arts classes a few times a week, but I don't actually interact much with other people. I'm just... there. I'm always polite, but my interactions with people are very superficial and almost child-like. I don't even know how to really engage another person, because I've never done it.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

where are you from? what state?

[kcjmo]

Go out by yourself. It sucks, but I have done it before. To be honest, I've made out with a few ladies, and went home with one when I had gone out alone. Never actually got a real relationship out of it though, but it's good to get out and try, even if you are rejected. If you get rejected, who cares? You're hanging around a bunch of drunk people.

[HateBeingSingleAspie]

well if it is possible to get a one night stand from going out alone, than that makes it more inspiring, besides, sexual encounters I'm sure boost a guys confidence a lot, so in a way it benefits guys way more than girls since after all, confidence is very critical, imperative in order to attract the ladies

[1-3-2-4]

I will be 29 in a few weeks and I haven't had a girlfriend yet or ever been on a date so you are not alone, my sex drive is still pretty high, however I don't look like I'm going to be 29 so it throws off a lot of people.. however people who do look my age tend to look older then me.

My friend is trying to hook me up with someone but that's hard to make adjustment to that for not being in a relationship to just jumping right into one.. I mean how do you adjust to drop everything to make time?

[kcjmo]

There's not really an adjustment. You go on a date with the girl, and if you get along, ask her on a date the next week. It's not like you start dating someone, and they're immediately in your life all the time. You gotta build things.

[1-3-2-4]

That is true but I'm just saying in general.. having never been on a date and just being felt like you are just dropped right into it.

[moviedude714]

I feel this way too sometimes but at the same time I try my hardest to fight the negativity in my mind and I'm glad that I'm still in my 20's

[DynastyEmpire1990]

meh, I still hadn't or never had one ethier I am 23,lol. I was too shy in high school.

[WishICouldChangePast]

I feel your pain on this because I was like you, I didn't have my very first girlfriend until age 27!, something I'm still kinda bitter about

[frustratedchump06]

feel that way all the time pal